I never thought I'd be posting here, yet I know this is the forum where I belong for the moment.....
Things have been bad for awhile, so I guess I'll start at the beginning.
DH is in the military and we move alot. ODS was born in the UK. I had an emergency c/s with him, and he nearly died during delivery. The military hospital had no NICU so he was rushed to one and I never saw him until I was well enough to be released. When I did, I was head over heels in love.
My ealy months of being a mother were pure joy. 
:
He didn't really take a bottle, and he had severe seperation anxiety, which I am convinced is due to his early seperation from me. In any case, I never got a break from him his first year. Until he was 12-14 months old, he cried if DH even held him. I did okay with the 24/7 care of him until we were doing a big international move from the UK back to the US last summer. ODS was going through a bad sleep regression and would be up all night nursing. The serious sleep deprivation got to me and I'd say that is when I first started feeling depressed.
The day after we arrived in the US, he went on a nursing strike. I pumped and pumped and foought to get him back to the breast, but the my milk dried up.....which turned out to be due to pregnancy. Through my pregnancy, I dreaded the arrival of YDS.
ODS was 11 months when I got my BFP and as he grew, he became more and more spirited. With my morning sickness and pregnancy exhuastion, I had trouble keeping up with ODS, and knew it would be much worse when YDS arrived.
YDS came and things are even worse than I feared. YDS has reflux and cries nearly constantly. He barely ever sleeps, and when he does, he needs to be touching me. The constant crying has pushed my fragile emotional state over the edge. I feel like a terrible mother and like things will never get any better. I have tried everything to help deal with YDS's crying and nothing works. I have resorted to simply holding him and allowing him to cry himself to sleep when he starts crying and I know it is because he is tired. I just spent an hour on the bed with him, holding him, patting him, and sometimes nursing him while he cried basically non-stop until he fell asleep. With me dealing with YDS so much, I feel like I am neglecting ODS who is only 21 months old. I wear YDS in a carrier on the front and try to play with ODs, but he wants me to play on the floor--if I sit still, YDS starts screaming more which upsets ODS and causes him to cry too. I have tried to get us all out of the house, but ODS always ends up throwing a huge tantrum and I am asked to leave or people come rushing over to help me saying things like "you really have your hands full" or "you poor thing." It is embarrassing.
We don't have alot of family in the area and DH works alot so I don't get much of a break. I've tried talking to friends from home (where I grew up) and they tell me things like it is all in my mind
or that I have made my mind up that parenting is hard and I am making more it than it is.....none of these people have two kids under the age of two.....and none of them have had a spirited child OR one with reflux....let alone both at the same time.
I hate that I am not enjoying my second's son's newborn period, especially since I doubt we'll have any more kids.
Any words of wisdom and encouragement would be VERY appreciated.
Things have been bad for awhile, so I guess I'll start at the beginning.
DH is in the military and we move alot. ODS was born in the UK. I had an emergency c/s with him, and he nearly died during delivery. The military hospital had no NICU so he was rushed to one and I never saw him until I was well enough to be released. When I did, I was head over heels in love.
My ealy months of being a mother were pure joy. :He didn't really take a bottle, and he had severe seperation anxiety, which I am convinced is due to his early seperation from me. In any case, I never got a break from him his first year. Until he was 12-14 months old, he cried if DH even held him. I did okay with the 24/7 care of him until we were doing a big international move from the UK back to the US last summer. ODS was going through a bad sleep regression and would be up all night nursing. The serious sleep deprivation got to me and I'd say that is when I first started feeling depressed.
The day after we arrived in the US, he went on a nursing strike. I pumped and pumped and foought to get him back to the breast, but the my milk dried up.....which turned out to be due to pregnancy. Through my pregnancy, I dreaded the arrival of YDS.
ODS was 11 months when I got my BFP and as he grew, he became more and more spirited. With my morning sickness and pregnancy exhuastion, I had trouble keeping up with ODS, and knew it would be much worse when YDS arrived.YDS came and things are even worse than I feared. YDS has reflux and cries nearly constantly. He barely ever sleeps, and when he does, he needs to be touching me. The constant crying has pushed my fragile emotional state over the edge. I feel like a terrible mother and like things will never get any better. I have tried everything to help deal with YDS's crying and nothing works. I have resorted to simply holding him and allowing him to cry himself to sleep when he starts crying and I know it is because he is tired. I just spent an hour on the bed with him, holding him, patting him, and sometimes nursing him while he cried basically non-stop until he fell asleep. With me dealing with YDS so much, I feel like I am neglecting ODS who is only 21 months old. I wear YDS in a carrier on the front and try to play with ODs, but he wants me to play on the floor--if I sit still, YDS starts screaming more which upsets ODS and causes him to cry too. I have tried to get us all out of the house, but ODS always ends up throwing a huge tantrum and I am asked to leave or people come rushing over to help me saying things like "you really have your hands full" or "you poor thing." It is embarrassing.
We don't have alot of family in the area and DH works alot so I don't get much of a break. I've tried talking to friends from home (where I grew up) and they tell me things like it is all in my mind
or that I have made my mind up that parenting is hard and I am making more it than it is.....none of these people have two kids under the age of two.....and none of them have had a spirited child OR one with reflux....let alone both at the same time.I hate that I am not enjoying my second's son's newborn period, especially since I doubt we'll have any more kids.
Any words of wisdom and encouragement would be VERY appreciated.
) Instead of cradling her, I sit her straight up on my knee and hold her up. Last night she was fussy and fell asleep in (not joking) 30 seconds. Another thing is a pillow to prop the baby up. Her bed goes up now but were supposed to put a wedge or pillow under her sheet. (Ask a doctor)
