Regression/Attention getting behavior in 5.5yr old - thoughts/advice/BTDT

[peilover010202]

I'm lost right now. ds1 (5.5yo) is struggling and I don't know how to help him. We had a new baby 7 weeks ago (another son). ds1 is SO affectionate, gentle and loving with him. But, since ds3's birth, ds1 has begun displaying some unusual behaviors.

#1 Frequent urination. Dr thinks it's pollakiuria, but is sending us to a Ped Urologist to to be thorough. All labwork has been clean, we've checked renal function, glucose, urine.

#2 playing with feces. This came about at nearly the same time as frequent urination. He doesn't smear it on anything, just touches it.

What can I do to help him? We already do SO much to ensure that he feels safe, loved, secure, etc. He gets lots of one-on-one time with daddy (bike ride, eating lunch out with dad, composting, gardening, etc), and I try to do something one on one with him daily (read a book, go to the library, etc.)

I'm really starting to freak here. His symptoms appeared about 2 weeks after ds3's birth. (So, 5 weeks now.) What else can I do?

[OTMomma]

I'm not sure this is helpful- but as far as the urination- I think sometimes kids grow faster than their bladders- and really just need reminders to go to the bathroom (esp. before outtings or doing something engaging like watching TV). I also think being interested in poop can be a natural kid thing. It may be your son is going through some natural phases, but those have become bigger because of the new baby.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things- giving him attention, seeing a doctor to rule out any problems and trying to stay positive. I think for the poop thing- I would get some kids books like "Everyone Poops" and some kids books about digestions- Usborne does a good one for that age. Our local museum even recently had a thing to see about "The scoop on Poop"- all about animal feces. I'd go for making poop so normal it isn't interesting any more and see if that helps.

[Monkeypants]

To me it sounds like typical regressive behavior associated with the birth of your new baby. My daughter changed completely when my 2nd was born. It totally freaked us out, and I was expecting it, yet it still was really shocking. She gradually reajusted, and it took about 8 weeks, but she was never the same, and depending what stage her sister was in, her behavior became "worse" or more regressive. It still does, and now I have a third as well so the middle one experiences it too. Read "Siblings without Rivalry" to gain some perspective and to get some tips about handling things with your DC. He has experienced a life-changing event, that will continue to affect him for a long time (the rest of his life), but there are ways to ease his transition and help him through it. I don't think the behaviors are avoidable, but understanding them and having open communication is really helpful. It sounds like you are doing a great job, and I'm sure things will get better soon. Good luck!!

[peilover010202]

Thanks monkeypants and OTmomma.

I'm a little saddened that he may never be the same though. I don't know why I wasn't expecting this, I guess because the transition after ds2's birth seemed so easy for him. This has been so much more in every way. It hurts to think of how he must feel right now.

We spent the weekend TV-free and just really tried to reconnect with him. We "camped" in the backyard and had a great time! Hopefully he'll be feeling better soon.

[Blu Razzberri]

I had MAJOR problems with DS1, starting about 4 months after DS2 was born. (I think the delay was because my sister was living here at the time, and giving him all her attention so I could sleep and deal with the baby). Anyways... among other things, DS1 was peeing on the (carpeted!!) floor, smeared poo on his bedroom wall, peeing into his toybox, pooping his pants, etc. I didn't know what to do, and nobody had answers for me. I'm not gonna lie -- there was a whole lot of yelling that ensued (to the point where I bought a copy of "scream free parenting"). It's only recently gone more or less back to normal; and it took about 8 months. So, my advice is to keep repeating (or post on your wall as a reminder) that "this too, shall pass" and try not to pull too much of your hair out.

[zeldamomma]

My oldest was 4 when our third was born, and it really threw her. But she's fine now (he's 3 now-- the first year of his life was tough on everyone, despite his being an easygoing baby).

I think part of the reason she was more affected than my younger dd was that she was older and more aware of the stress level in the household. Babies are hard work, and we were all tired.

My advice would be to do what you're doing, but try not to worry too much-- once he's had a little more time to adjust and life feels more normal, I bet he'll be just fine.

ZM