raising girls

[igglebah]

hi ya'll,
i have a newly 5 yr old who is VERY different from me, in that she is soooo girly and i am NOT. i never have been and she seems to have crawled out that way. i've been trying to do more "bonding" things with her, but i fell that at times we are so unconnected, and i can't stand it. she's my only girl. i want to raise her with confidence, self worth.....and all those qualities that i possess and the ones that i wish i possessed....

we've started spa night (discovered in the magazine) and we both love it, but i'm looking for some books on raising healthy, strong girls. anyone have any tips for me? thanks for any input!!

[holyhelianthus]

I am curious about this too! I also have a 5 year old who is very girly who I just don't get. I want to be closer to her but we seriously just are so different in personality. I never thought that was possible this early with your kids!

But I have been thinking about this too. I have been wanting to really empower all of my girls and have been wondering about books or something like that to give me some ideas.

Thanks for this thread!

[monkeybars]

There's a lot of really good books out there on this subject. "Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters" by Dr. Deak is one that stands out. Her book is referenced in this interesting website from PBS:

http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisinggirls/index.html

[missjessicajames]

I don't have any book recommendations but couldn't help responding. I'm a super "girly-girl" and the daughter of a very strong feminist woman. My mom struggled with a lot of things, she would dress me in over-alls and sneakers until I was old enough to dress myself and then I wore pink lace dresses everyday. She used to beg me to wear pants when in it snowed (our compromise was that I would wear pants under my dress). My mom has told me about cringing as I went from ballet class to tap class to baton twirling and then in my teens I decided I wanted to do pageants. She couldn't figure out what she had done wrong this strong feminist woman had a daughter who wanted to do pageants!
I think I terrified my mom but in her amazing wisdom she raised me to know that I could be a strong woman and still be as femine as I want. She had to switch some of her own thinking and really wanted me to know that feminity was not a weakness and helped me finds ways to express my strong opinions and ideals and still wear glitter everyday The biggest thing she taught me was that I should always have a choice, the I never had to be "girly" but I didn't have to give that up if I wanted it. She would embraced that I love wearing pretty dresses and make-up but would ask me questions to get m thinking about why I liked it to make sure that it was a reflection of me not what someone else wanted me to be.
The funny thing is that as both my mom and I grew I got her addicted to some super "girly" things like she gets pedicures once a week a now

[holyhelianthus]

Thanks so much for your input, missjessicajames!!

It has been hard for me to sort of grin and bare it but when my oldest is being her I know that it is important I encourage that and embrace it. She likes dressy things, pink and red, Disney Princesses, Barbies (ack!! Don't even get me started! Even at her age I was chopping off their hair, biting off their hands, and using them as shovels), etc. But she needs to be HER! And their is strength and beauty in EVERY type of woman. I also let her pick out her clothes. When we go shopping for them (which is rare as we get a lot of hand me downs) I take her with me because I know it is something important to her.

I was no tomboy but I also wasn't girly. My grandmother use to put make-up on me and curl my hair and dress me up and I loathed it. Funny story (really I have no reason to share it but you know us moms...)- my mother bought my 3 little ladies Easter hats. My oldest was so excited and put it right on and danced around, my middle one thought it was interesting but didn't really care. She was getting a kick out of her sister. But my youngest who is most like me even at 2 had this hilarious reaction! As soon as it was ploped on her head she looked up at it got this strained look on her face and just froze. I swear her expresion was totally "WTF?" : I have so had that look in childhood for the same stuff.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So with my girls I really want to instill confidence. I want them to know they have a voice and that it is valid and important they use it no matter what they have to say. I want them to know wheatever they choose it is valid and worthy of them as long as they are making that choice thoughtfully and after self-examination not just because so-and-so said it was a good idea. I also want to pull back and sheild them from the over-sexualization of our sex (especially so young) but also show them women are empowered sexual beings.

etc etc