Asking little sister to be my childcare person during HB?

[lindsayjean]

Thoughts? She is very mature (20 y.o. nursing student) and my 2 y.o. DD loves her and she lives about 20-30 mins away. I'm sure she is sort of against homebirth since my mom is, but maybe she'd be okay? It's not like she'd necessarily be in the room while I am birthing the whole time. Mostly I just don't want to slow my labor because I'm uncomfortable, you know?

Anyone have any personal experiences with younger siblings coming to their homebirth? We're not SUPER close, but we're relatively close.

[mom2cash]

I have considered using my soon to be 20 y.o. sister as my childcare person but we are really close and she is very supportive of a homebirth. The only reason she might not be is because she lives 1 1/2 hours away and is taking summer courses so she might be up to 3 hours away. Talk to her about providing this role for you and if her response or attitude about it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to go that route... but if you can both talk about it comfortably and you don't feel anxious about her being around you in labor then I don't see why she couldn't watch your DD. If you feel she might interject during labor because she is afraid or be negative at all while you're in labor, I wouldn't do it.

[brendaziz]

I was at my older sister's birth when I was 17 and it was one of my FAVE experiences ever and it REALLY prepared me for when I started having my kids.
Since then my sisters have been at my births and I was at my other older sister's birth more recently.

I think sister's a great source of help in times like this and def for babysitting purposes as you don't have to "worry" about your kids as much.

Obviosuly assuming that she'd like to help and be apart of the big day!

[liberal_chick]

My 23 y/o sister (who had just graduated from nursing school) was at my HB. She wasn't my childcare person (that was my MIL), but she was there to kind of serve as my doula, especially if we'd have had to transfer.

I had her read "Pushed," so I indoctrinated her several months before the birth. LOL

[clemrose]

Originally Posted by lindsayjean

TI'm sure she is sort of against homebirth since my mom is, but maybe she'd be okay?

Anyone have any personal experiences with younger siblings coming to their homebirth? We're not SUPER close, but we're relatively close.

I think before you make that decision, you should have a very open, honest discussion about with your sister about homebirth and find out if she really is against it. She may surprise you! If she is against it, she may change her mind by talking about it. A lot of people have those thoughts...what about the mess, what if something goes wrong..etc and will have those fears put to rest by just learning about homebirth.

I think it is important to know how she is feeling so that your own questions about her opinion aren't getting in the way of you laboring. And you may learn that she is just not the right person for it.

Also, my younger sister (18 at the time) was at my daughter's birth but we were both born at home, so our family's homebirth notions are well known. So I definitely think the age is an appropriate one.

And if you guys talk and she is interested & you decide to have her there for your LO, it could be an amazing experience for her to have as a nursing student (even if she is not actually in the room). My mom is a nursing instructor now (former laymidwife) and has so many students interested in natural & homebirth.

Good luck!

[notjustmamie]

I second talking with your sis about how she feels re: homebirth. I would not invite someone against homebirth to participate in mine. If she's open to it, maybe some further education is in order? Otherwise, I'd look elsewhere.

[lindsayjean]

well, she doesn't feel comfortable coming. So now my only choice is to have my mom come pick her up and take her to her house. My DD LOVES my mom and I know she'll do fine at her house, I just sort of hoped she'd be home, I guess maybe I'll want a little time with the new baby before DD comes back, right? My mom is not supportive of homebirth and I would never allow her at the birth. Well, I guess it'll all be okay, right? I don't know why I'm worrying so much about this.

[clemrose]

Oh, that's too bad! I'm so sorry. I completely understand why this is worrying you so much--you are adding to your family and it seems natural that you would want your daughter involved in that. My daughter will be just over 2.5 when this baby comes in the fall and so far the only real planning I've done around the birth is planning for her because I really want her there (unless she is uncomfortable with it at the time). Because she is my focus now, has been for two years!

Would you feel comfortable hiring someone to be there with your daughter? Perhaps you could find a mom in the tribal section who would do for a small fee? You have a month, you might have time to meet with a few people to see if anyone clicks with you or your daughter?

Are you having a midwife, and if so have you discussed it with her? Maybe she has a former/current client she knows that would do it?

I know none of these suggestions may suit you or work for you but I just wanted to through them out there. Best of luck to you, and take care.

[Ktietje85]

Do you have any close friends who could possibly be there? That's what we are doing. Our friend is very curious about home birth (and just found out she's pregnant!) and we trust her so we have asked her to be there for DD. We would never have any family members because they aren't exactly un-supportive but they don't really "get" it either. Plus any time family is over I feel like I have to play hostess and take care of everyone and I obviously can't do that in labor.

Think outside the box and you might find a solution.

[mommy2two babes]

Sorry to hear that your sister won't be coming.
The loss will be hers.

[elle7715]

I'm sorry your sister won't be there.
My sister just turned 20 and was going to be our backup babysitter. She just told me she's not comfortable with the entire thing so she doesn't want to watch my kids at our place at all. We're lucky because my mom lives next door and my sister did say she would take the kids over there if I really needed her too. The problem is I don't want to wake the kids up in the middle of the night and have them crying and not knowing what's going on. My best friend is excited for me to have a homebirth and my kids adore her but she can only come if I give birth on a weekend. My sister is pretty darn negative when she's stressed so it's probably for the best, but if I do end up laboring at night I'll have to pray the kids don't wake up. My midwife requires that a person be there just for the kids and if that ends up being DH then I'm stuck without a support person. If it gets down to it I'll call my sister when I'm in labor. It takes a pretty cold hearted person to turn down a laboring woman.

[lindsayjean]

thanks everyone for your support! I really appreciate it when I get basically none (except for the local AP group YAY) in real life. I'm not going to stress out about it, knowing that it *will* work out perfectly no matter what. My mom will come and pick DD up and bring her to her house. It's probably for the best anyway because it probably would be really hard for me to focus enough to birth this baby with my other baby hanging out around me (that whole mothering thing... I know I'd focus way too much on her and how she was handling things than myself). She'll be old enough next time that she can be present at the next birth perhaps!