I said no to candy and she stole some - WWYD?

[Surfacing]

Hello Mamas, I know there are some mothers out there who don't think children need candy restriction but I am not one of them. So please don't bother to post in this thread, thank you.

4 y.o. dd becomes OBSESSED with candy and wants it more and more and more. She eats like a bird and if left up to her she'd drink pop and eat candy all day long. (Thanks to dh who grew up drinking pop daily Not in my house!) This is not cool with me because it is not developing healthy eating habits, and her body needs the nutrition from regular food to grow. She also has wicked tantrums after eating certain candy or when she is hungry. So she needs to be eating regular healthy food when she's hungry, preferably healthy whole foods that take a long time to digest, keeping her blood sugar level constant-ish, etc.

So yesterday I said, ""Candy is not an everday food, and you've been eating it everyday. Today is a candy-free day." I empathized with her when she found it really hard (her: "I can't stop thinking about it!" me: "This is really hard for you, isn't it?") We did problem solving throughout the day ("I want caaaandy!!!!" "Well we know that's not an option, so what would be good instead? We have peanut butter purses [that's PB in slices of apple], etc" Finally she picked waffles with syrup and chocolate milk. At least she's eating from other food groups!

She did come up to me at one point and show me a lollipop in her hand as she was eating some candy from a cupboard. She had pushed a chair over and stolen it from the cupboard. I just took the lolli away from her and gently said, "You know there's no candy today." The look in her eyes though was one like "haha, what are you gonna do about it?"

I feel like I should have done something else about it. WWYD?

[4inMyHeart3inArms]

don't buy candy or keep it in the house. I wouldn't think of that as stealing, I thought you meant she took it from the store. Maybe you can make a snack drawer that she can help herself to. We keep a lock on our main fridge and gate of the kitchen because my one child has food allergies that the rest of the house does not share, so I have to make sure he can't get into the food, and those measures seem to help. I think the only other thing you can do is read up on the psychological/emotional development of 4 year olds and remember that their self control is still being learned. I think you taking the candy away and reminding her was all that needed to be done. Good job on keeping it practical and gentle. I know sometimes its tempting to want to "do more" because they seem to "not care" and we want to "get through to them" but I think not taking a vengeful approach is the best bet. Just reinforce the limit and don't let her reaction get to you if you know what I mean. Look for ways to help her practice self control more, and support her in her efforts. When she tells you she wants candy but isn't trying to "steal" it then you can say to her "you are using your self control to not eat candy today". good luck!

[labdogs42]

I think you handled the situation well. Just taking it away was the way to go, IMO. Anything else would have been overkill, IMO.

As for the long term, I guess I just wouldn't keep candy in the house at all if you don't want her to have it daily. If it is the house and she knows how to get it, you are tempting fate. Four year olds don't have a ton of impulse control, so keeping it around sounds like a painful ongoing battle to me.

[One_Girl]

I think you handled that just fine. You might want to consider moving the junk food to another location. I let dd have a small treat after dinner if she has eaten from the other food groups all day. If we are have a spell where we are eating a lot of stuff that isn't that great for us I tell her the day before that we will go junk food free starting the next day and I talk to her about why and then remind her as needed.

[leighann79]

I think you handled it well. To help her through this, try offering her more high fat foods for now. That has really helped my 3.5 year old DD get past her candy/sweets obsession.
Adding butter/coconut oil to foods has been the easiest way to do that. (there are more ideas, but that's all I'm thinking of right now. LOL I got great ideas here in the Nutrition and Good Eating forum)

[alexsam]

First, instead of thinking of the part of the "stealing" think of the part that she had done it and come to you to show you. She KNEW you would take it away and that she shouldn't have done it. She was owning up to it and asking for help.

Second, this type of change can be a hard process, as anyone who has tried to go on a diet knows! She slipped, she asked you for help. You did the right thing.

My son will sometimes do the same thing if I make cookies or something! He will ask to "put them up high" to resist the temptation. And I put a lot of healthy, easily accessable foods low that he can reach. We keep a fresh fruit bowl on the kitchen table. I keep yogurt tubes and cheese sticks in the fridge. Granola bars in a low cabinet with some applesauce in little containers. This helps him have fast, healthy options when he is hungry that HE can get and control. In fact, I am right now watching him help himself to a banana and a cheese stick!

We also dole out a little "junk food" a day, so it is not a feeling of "never". But our "junk food" is never really too bad. Frozen juice pops, home-made cookies, maple sugar candy, "Italian soda" from Wholefoods (fizzy juice, really), sometimes all-natural ice-cream or chocolate. Not all "junk food" really has to be crap. Some of the change can be in the TYPE of "candy" you have in the house.

[heartmama]

In our house food cannot be "stolen" by family members. The concept does not apply here--the food in the kitchen belongs to everyone.

Also, I do not keep foods in the house that are so toxic they could induce tantrums after my child eats it. I would not bring a situation like that into the sanctity of our home. You can't avoid all discipline issues. However, I would avoid that situation at all costs. It is the opposite of setting us up for success.

You know your child has a sweet tooth. You know she struggles to resist candy and sweets. She probably has a very powerful addictive response to the sugar rush. Some people do. It really is addict behavior. She falls apart and has horrible tantrums after eating candy. Is it necessary to keep candy in the house? Is it worth it?

Wouldn't it be easier to instill good eating habits and a healthy diet if your own home was a place of good food and healthy choices?

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by 4inMyHeart3inArms

don't buy candy or keep it in the house. I wouldn't think of that as stealing, I thought you meant she took it from the store. Maybe you can make a snack drawer that she can help herself to. [...] I think the only other thing you can do is read up on the psychological/emotional development of 4 year olds and remember that their self control is still being learned. I think you taking the candy away and reminding her was all that needed to be done. Good job on keeping it practical and gentle. I know sometimes its tempting to want to "do more" because they seem to "not care" and we want to "get through to them" but I think not taking a vengeful approach is the best bet. Just reinforce the limit and don't let her reaction get to you if you know what I mean. Look for ways to help her practice self control more, and support her in her efforts. When she tells you she wants candy but isn't trying to "steal" it then you can say to her "you are using your self control to not eat candy today". good luck!

Yes, I need to change my thinking on this. It's hard trying to make a switch in parenting because, despite the fact that I never wanted to be like my shaming controlling gma, I find that now as I'm parenting those voices pop up in my head automatically. I am working at reprogramming myself now.

I like the idea of reinforcing her practicing self-control.

Originally Posted by alexsam

First, instead of thinking of the part of the "stealing" think of the part that she had done it and come to you to show you. She KNEW you would take it away and that she shouldn't have done it. She was owning up to it and asking for help.

Second, this type of change can be a hard process, as anyone who has tried to go on a diet knows! She slipped, she asked you for help. You did the right thing.

My son will sometimes do the same thing if I make cookies or something! He will ask to "put them up high" to resist the temptation. And I put a lot of healthy, easily accessable foods low that he can reach. We keep a fresh fruit bowl on the kitchen table. I keep yogurt tubes and cheese sticks in the fridge. Granola bars in a low cabinet with some applesauce in little containers. This helps him have fast, healthy options when he is hungry that HE can get and control. In fact, I am right now watching him help himself to a banana and a cheese stick!

We also dole out a little "junk food" a day, so it is not a feeling of "never". But our "junk food" is never really too bad. Frozen juice pops, home-made cookies, maple sugar candy, "Italian soda" from Wholefoods (fizzy juice, really), sometimes all-natural ice-cream or chocolate. Not all "junk food" really has to be crap. Some of the change can be in the TYPE of "candy" you have in the house.

She does this kind of thing a lot where she does something she's not supposed to do... and then she waits to see what my response will be. Usually I just try to keep low key about it. This morning I watched her knock over a glass of water and then say to me, "Mommmyyyy! A big glass of water fell over!" So I just said, "Well you know where the towels are, go ahead and wipe it up."

I totally hear you on the difficulty changing eating and dieting etc. I myself love certain sweets and cannot have them in the house or else I'll just eat them all. So we don't usually have them.

We do have a snack section where she can reach her own yogurts, cheese, there's fresh fruit on the table (like now grapes and watermelon slices). I should make the little drawer too with granola bars, thanks for the idea.

We do dole out the junk in small doses too, usually a couple of times a day she can have something like a freezie or gummy bears or whatever. I will try offering her frozen yogurt at night too for an option.

Originally Posted by heartmama

In our house food cannot be "stolen" by family members. The concept does not apply here--the food in the kitchen belongs to everyone.

Also, I do not keep foods in the house that are so toxic they could induce tantrums after my child eats it. I would not bring a situation like that into the sanctity of our home. You can't avoid all discipline issues. However, I would avoid that situation at all costs. It is the opposite of setting us up for success.

You know your child has a sweet tooth. You know she struggles to resist candy and sweets. She probably has a very powerful addictive response to the sugar rush. Some people do. It really is addict behavior. She falls apart and has horrible tantrums after eating candy. Is it necessary to keep candy in the house? Is it worth it?

Wouldn't it be easier to instill good eating habits and a healthy diet if your own home was a place of good food and healthy choices?

I really like the idea of food in the house being for everbody, and not "stolen" by anybody.

Recently the kids received a big basket of candy for Easter and then again at dd's bday party last weekend. We dole it out in small doses -- but I can't just see putting it all out and saying, "Help yourself as you desire!" How do I decide what/how much to throw out?

I totally agree about my home being a place with healthy choices. If it were up to me we would not have certain kinds of cr@p in the house. I grew up with sweets only on special occassions. The problem is that dh undermines me on this one. He grew up with pop and eating TONS of junk food. Our children eat waaaaaaay less crap than he did. But he will still give her some. Actually, he will reinforce her addiction to it. This has been a constant struggle between us. I made the conscious choice to back off a bit on it because I can't fight all the time and I can't control him. He knows I don't like it and he knows why.

Anyhow, I think I will go and throw some stuff out that are the cause of constant battles (like the freaking Skittles in the car trunk that my gma gave)!!!

[moondiapers]

We don't keep easter, birthday, halloween candy in the house for more than a week.

[ssh]

My DD can eat any food that's in the kitchen, when ever she wants. We just don't bring candy into the house very often. Usually it's chocolate, and enough for one serving each. We do keep several types of fruits and berries on hand. I make popsicles out of blended and chopped up fruit. Red grapes and strawberries is my DD's favorite kind. We usually don't have any sweets or food items with HFCS in the house at all.

I think it would be a lot harder resisting candy if it were available but just forbidden.

[4inMyHeart3inArms]

when you get a lot of candy like that on those occassions you can have your child pick a determined amount of peices and give the rest away or throw it away.

from there you can decide if they get 1-2 peices per day or if they have free range to that candy.

we try to avoid getting the candy as much as possible in the first place here. some things my oldest is sensitive too and since he doesnt break out in hives or anything like that its hard to remove those things from the house - but I know its still a food allergy and so sometimes it helps to treat it as such. Pretend its hives instead of tantrums, and you might be moer likley to say "you have a very bad reaction to candy, so we are going to trade your candy in for a new toy" or something like that? encourage friends and family not to give candy around the holidays, and offer some other suggestions. i really think the best bet is to treat it like a food allergy (which it might actually be) some food allergies present as behavior problems - like my oldest child - and in other children its more "visible" such as hives or swelling or throwing up.

Whole Foods sells organic lollipops that we give our kids occassionally, but mostly we stick to natures candy - fruit.

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by 4inMyHeart3inArms

when you get a lot of candy like that on those occassions you can have your child pick a determined amount of peices and give the rest away or throw it away.

from there you can decide if they get 1-2 peices per day or if they have free range to that candy.

.

this is a great idea!

[StrawberryFields]

Originally Posted by 4inMyHeart3inArms

when you get a lot of candy like that on those occassions you can have your child pick a determined amount of peices and give the rest away or throw it away.

from there you can decide if they get 1-2 peices per day or if they have free range to that candy.

We let ds pick a few pieces and remove the rest as well. He has a serious problem with sugar and sweets and can't self-regulate. We can't keep candy in the house. For Halloween he picks a small handful (4 pieces or so) and then he can trade the rest in for a new toy. Easter baskets we did things like bunny shaped marshmallows that can be used for hot chocolate. The rest of the basket was a DVD, sunglasses, dried strawberries, these weird applesauce squeeze pouches, etc. There are lots of fun, treat-ish things that he really enjoys that aren't actually candy and then we don't have to fight him about it.

[Tarakidsware]

Dear
I think that you should be leaner on her a bit...after all she is only 4!!!
Talking to her about the danger of eating too mcuh candies may help a little in convincing her...Kids of this generation are smarter then the before ones!!They can understand if you talk to them...
Other than this, I think that you should decrease the amount of candies day by day...dont stop it immedietly or she will "steal" as you have put it...

TaRaKidsware

[Surfacing]

I like the idea of keeping a few pieces and then trading the rest of them in for a toy. :

As it is we've discouraged people buying/bringing candy. I've asked my dad to get her dried fruit snacks instead of candy, or something like bubbles, stickers, markers, paint etc instead of sweets.

I too make reference to nature's candy... I wonder why I feel like I have to keep all the pieces and then dole them out from time to time. Nowhere is it written that I have to give her all the pieces of candy we have received!

I threw out the Skittles in the car tonight and the rest of the candies I don't like in the house. That is a battle I will be GLAD not to have again in the car!!!

You know, I used to keep much less of this stuff -- like none. Why did I let it trickle in and take over?

Anyway, thanks for all the ideas.

[transylvania_mom]

what we do

I have very poor impulse control over candy, so we don't keep too much in our house. When ds asks for candy (usually immediately after coming home from daycare) I always tell him after dinner. At first he was pretty upset, but after reinforcing the rule a couple of times, he doesn't ask anymore, or tells me, mom can I have some candy after dinner?
When I give him candy, I always give him a couple of pieces or a tiny coffee plate of m&m's, so if he asks for more, I can give him a second portion.

[treemom2]

When we go to parties or special events with candy we allow our children to eat their fill while we are at the event. On Halloween, they can go crazy that night with the candy. . . However, that night when they go to bed the candy all goes into a bag and it is sent to work with DH the next day. I do admit that we have way too much junk food in our home. . .I have a sugar addiction I'm working on. However, we talk about healthy foods, we talk about cavities, diabetes, etc. . .we serve healthy foods, we drink water, we cook with our children so they can see whole foods. . .hopefully this will help them make good decisions as they get older. Right now both my children have major control issues when sweets are around (sometimes I think it's because they don't get them as much as their more "mainstream" friends), I truly hope this is something they grow out of!

[Mama.Pajama]

A child cannot understand the logic of "it's okay for mama and daddy but not for you." I think this is the crux of your problem. I agree with PP who said to get the candy out of the house. If DH wants to drink pop and eat candy, just ask him to wait until LO isn't around- explain that it's not fair to her to dangle the temptation in her face.

Mama, I think you need to make some cookies. Healthy, whole grain oatmeal raisin cookies sweetened with honey or maple syrup. Replace the candy craving with cookies and milk- no child turns down cookies and milk.
Just use your favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe and substitute the sugar with 1/2 the amount in honey (or even 1/4), use whole grain flour, and add raisins or other dried, unsweetened fruit instead of chocolate. Use some oats in there for some added nutritional punch!

[EnviroBecca]

This sounds SO familiar! Did you read my thread about my 4-year-old eating his father's desserts? There are some other issues tangled up in that, but part of it is the same: wanting more sweets than is healthy, taking a sweet he is not supposed to have, then showing/telling a parent that he's doing so. I think this can be translated as, "I'm showing you how hard it is for me to resist sweets."

Like me, you have a problem with the behavior of your child's father being not the most helpful (although it's a different problem--mine tries to save his sweets for later while leaving them within reach of the kid, while yours is setting an example of overconsumption and serving too many sweets to the kid) and it's probably most useful to approach that as a SEPARATE problem rather than blaming either person's behavior on the other. By all means, try to get your husband on the same page regarding what sweets are in the house, where they are stored, how often they are served to your daughter, and when he can eat/drink them in front of her...but in dealing with your daughter, try to keep your focus on what YOU AND SHE agreed to and what YOU can do to help her keep that agreement.

Good luck!

[mediafreak]

Naturally, children will try to push the boundaries of their authorities (i.e. their parents). So I'm glad you're trying to find ways to try to curb your child's passion for candy because this might set a wrong precedent if she finds out she can get away with candies. But of course, no point in trying to be harsh on restricting candies; I see your point there. Too much of something is bad enough, as a popular girl group once said