Toddler hitting

[mrsdocmartin]

What have you done? DS is almost two and when he gets frustrated, his first reaction is to hit or kick. The target is often the dog or DH or I. We really want to teach him other ways to vent his frustration but we are really at a loss. We also really want to send the message that it is not ok to hurt others. Any advice?

[Tarakidsware]

Dear
Maybe you should move your loved one to the "naughty spot" just like what happens in Nanny 911 (the TV show)...
Everytime he hits someone, you have to get down to his eye level (so that you dont freak him out from the difference in size between you and him)
Then sternly and quietly you should explain why is it that you will be sending him to the naughty spot by saying for example "I am sending you to the naughty spot because you hit your friend) and send him to the place (you choose a specific place)
and everytime he gets angry and leaves the naughty spot you send him back to it quietly...hoping that he will realise that no matter how much he tries to get away he will go back to the same place...until YOU say it is enough..and he apologizes (if he can speak)....by the end of the first week (if you are consistant)...you should see some results.....

I have to admit that not all people are in favour of this method and some consider it to be cruel..others do not have enough presistance to keep sending the kid back to the spot everytime he runs away from it...However, I have tried it with my daughter and she stopped hitting kids...i ahve also tried talking to her (she was 3) and said that it was shameful to do that...she still does this on certain occations...she is almost 5 i cant send her to the naughty spot anymore...but i never stop talking to her...telling her how disaapointed and sad i am
Hopefully i have benefitted you
TaRaKidsware

[JayJay]

I think that's a good idea I don't think the naughty spot is cruel. It might make your child feel uncomfortable, but I'm sure it was very uncomfortable when the other person got hit as well. You're not hitting back, you are showing a consequence. I think that's perfectly fine

[sunnmama]

I am not opposed to timeouts, but 2 is too young for timeouts imo (and your child is still one! ).

Give him alternative ways to express frustration. Words "Quinn is angry!", actions "hit couch...kick the pillow..." Stop him when he hits you "You may not hit me. Hit the pillow." Prevent him from hitting peers by close supervision during this phase (even if you try punishment, you will still need to supervise him with others closely--he won't be "trustworthy" until he outgrows it). Keep the dog away from your dc, unless you are available to supervise.

He may pass through this phase very quickly, esp as his communication skills grow. I hope it is quick!

[abitofcrunchmama]

My son has stages of hitting me. I really like the board book, "hands are not for hitting". We read it a lot and refer to it when DS has hit.

I also like to think about why he is hitting. If DS is just frustrated that i'm not understanding him, then i will get to his eye level and try to help ease his frustration.If he is hitting me because he isn't getting his way, well, than i ask him to sit down and take a breathe.

Sometimes he will hit me, when he feels he is being ignored so i try to address this 'here's how you can get mommy's attention'.

Oh, and when he hits me because he is mad, i tell him of all of the things he can do instead. Hit the floor, find a pillow to hit, etc.

HItting is a big button for me. There is nothing like being smacked, so sometimes i find that *I* need a TO and will say as much. Like, i'll say "Mommy needs to walk away for a few seconds because she doesn't like being hit."

[OkiMom]

I don't do time outs, I don't think they are effective. When DD hits me, DH or her sister then there is usually a reason (try the HALT principle- Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) and I try to take care of the problem. If I can't figure it out then I either leave or remove what she is hitting. Once in a while Ill sit her in her comfort corner and sit in there with her. Usually she responds very well to that, sometime she asks me to leave so I tell her where I will be and Ill leave her in peace.

Hands are not for hitting is a good book. DD really responded well to the message in the book and has reduced hitting alot. Now if she hits I know its one of two reason- Shes tired or she needs some one on one attention.

[GradysMom]

our alternative to Naughty spot at this age...

Because I experienced what some have said about time outs... that the arguement shifts to forcing them to sitting somewhere and potentially shoving and physical stuff...

with our ds around that age I came up with "walk away" where when the offense was commited I told ds he needed to walk away... had to walk to the end of the hallway, touch the wall, then he could come back... to us and we would regroup then.

When he turned to walk away I would say to him somehting like... "while you taking a walk think about how, I, or daddy, or the doggie,do't like being hit and that people don't like to spend time with someone who hits...

and when he would reapproach us I would suggest that when he returned, calmer, it would be a good time to appologize...

He has developed well using this method, and learned to walk away from frustrations... at least to pause and consider... we see improvement... and certainly after we have removed him from an offense commited to explain it... like slamming a toy into dhs leg.... ds decided he needs to make amends and apologize on his own now.

Dh and I take the pause in action to consider why it is happening... ie are we ignoring him to much, is he frustrated, tired.../ we kinda vote on it while he walks away...

[mrsdocmartin]

Originally Posted by GradysMom

our alternative to Naughty spot at this age...

Because I experienced what some have said about time outs... that the arguement shifts to forcing them to sitting somewhere and potentially shoving and physical stuff...

with our ds around that age I came up with "walk away" where when the offense was commited I told ds he needed to walk away... had to walk to the end of the hallway, touch the wall, then he could come back... to us and we would regroup then.

When he turned to walk away I would say to him somehting like... "while you taking a walk think about how, I, or daddy, or the doggie,do't like being hit and that people don't like to spend time with someone who hits...

and when he would reapproach us I would suggest that when he returned, calmer, it would be a good time to appologize...

He has developed well using this method, and learned to walk away from frustrations... at least to pause and consider... we see improvement... and certainly after we have removed him from an offense commited to explain it... like slamming a toy into dhs leg.... ds decided he needs to make amends and apologize on his own now.

Oh my gosh, I LOVE this. I am going to suggest this to DH tonight and see if he's receptive. Thanks mamas for all of the advice!