baby shower trouble-what would u do?

[mamaof3tobe]

A very good friend of mine offered, many months ago, to have my shower for me. I accepted, and have been very excited about celebrating my first girl. First of all, my friends husband and MY husband had worked together (her husband was somewhat of an employee), and there was a big falling out at their place of employment~ ending with my DH leaving.

Secondly, her husband and I had a big falling out over some parenting issues (he's a control freak, i have a big mouth and we fight like brother & sister). He took me off his friends list on facebook (i know, he is a little immature)...

Ever since then our relationship has been somewhat strained. Some days I talk to my girl friend and she seems great and happy to talk about the shower ect.. Sometimes I go for a long time without talking to her at all.

The shower is supposed to be next weekend, and she has yet to send out any invitations. I called her earlier to see if she could get online to chat... We were mid conversation and she just disappeared.

I just moved about 30 minutes from her too, and the party is supposed to be at my house because her house is mid-construction. I feel like just cancelling the whole thing, but I'm sad. I was really looking forward to celebrating it. Not to mention embarrassed to explain what happened to my in-laws, who will also be here.

What would you do? Just plan the thing yourself? Cancel it altogether? Or what?

[jojojojojo]

If invitations haven't gone out, are you sure there IS a shower?

I'd skip the attempts at chatting on the Internet and give her a call again to see what's going on, not just with the shower, but with the friendship.

[ell]

Yep, you need to get the facts and now. Call her and ask her point blank if the shower's still on. If not, say "thanks for letting me know" and call your family members immediately to plan contingency (including if it is canceled).

[mamaof3tobe]

response

Well, you see I didn't know for sure until the day before yesterday. I sent out invitations for my son's birthday party on Sat (his party sat, mine on sun all because my family will be in town at once and wno't have to make 2 trips).

So she im'd me (we talk via facebook cuz I don't have long distance, and her cell barely works at her home) and said "what about the shower?" and I responded by saying I didn't think we were doing it anymore because I hadn't heard from you? And she said she still planned on it and asked me if I registered (which i did, online). After that conversation I hadn't heard from her again until today when I called her. And she left the conversation right in the middle~ i don't want to pester her, i feel like I should just take the hint.

[spiritedmama]

I would assume it is not going to happen if it is supposed to be in a week and she hasn't sent invitations. I would just plan on something else. Since you have already told people, maybe you could just have it yourself or cancel it. I would wait for her to initiate the next conversation. I am sure that IF she WAS having the shower in a week, she would have gotten together with you to finalize all the details by now and sent out the invitations. So, I would just assume she isn't....

[rclaz]

You have to get on the phone with her ASAP. It's one week out, and no invites? Is there any chance that she's planning a surprise shower for you and the one at your house is a red herring? I'd just call her up and get the scoop. If she's a good and close friend, you can be honest about the friendship issues and show concern for her discomfort too. I'd call her and have an honest talk.
xoxo

[wombatclay]

I'd probably plan on throwing it yourself. I know it's probably against some baby book rule, but seriously I've always thought of showers as a chance to get together with family and friends and celebrate the growing family!

Maybe just let people know that there will be a BBQ/potluck/tea party on Sunday to celebrate your growing family, that there is an online registry if anyone is interested in that, but that you're looking forward to seeing everyone and blessing this babe to be with love and excitement!

I'm so sorry this all fell apart on you... maybe check one last time with this friend (in a very "I really need to plan this weekend since family will be in town... can you tell me what you have planned?") and then go from there? I know hosting on your own isn't much fun (could your partner or a family member step in?) but it could still be a nice gathering and something for the baby book!

[Flower of Bliss]

Any update? I've been wondering about how things are going for you. It sounds like such a rough spot to be in

[mamaof3tobe]

update

Thanks for your advice ladies. I complained (via online facebook conversation) about the situation to another close friend, and she just sent the invites out herself. So, party is still on~ I still feel like I'm in high school. No word from the original friend that was planning the party to begin with, although I did send her an email. sigh!

[Flower of Bliss]

Originally Posted by mamaof3tobe

Thanks for your advice ladies. I complained (via online facebook conversation) about the situation to another close friend, and she just sent the invites out herself. So, party is still on~ I still feel like I'm in high school. No word from the original friend that was planning the party to begin with, although I did send her an email. sigh!

I'm glad to hear that the shower is still on. I'm sorry things are so weird with your friend. FWIW, I often find myself feeling like I'm in high school too when I'm dealing with friendships and group dynamics. Sadly, I often feel as awkward and clueless now as I did then.

[NaturalMindedMomma]

SAme thing kind of going on here. My friend was supposed to throw a shower for me. DF called her to ask if she was still planning on it and she said that we would need to help her because she was really busy and that she didn't have any money. I planned on throwing us one just to celebrate the baby with some family and friends anyway. So DP and I are just doing it here and sending out invites and letting people know where we are registered. If people want to come they can, if not its ok too.

[Spring Sun]

For us, we just have to remember what it is like to not have kids and have no clue how it is-and then we give our kid-less friends more tolerance around the rude or inconsiderate things that they do.

For example, dh's best friend threw a fit and still won't talk to him because after two weeks away, dh was going to be home for two nights before he had to leave again, and dh canceled his plans with his friend so that he could go out with me. So in high school, that would be rude and lame of my dh. But come on, his friend is 31 years old! And I am very pregnant taking care of a four year old on my own for weeks. He really does not get that?

Same with my baby shower. My best friend from high school, who has a baby, is so into giving me a shower. My other friend (who I am throwing a bridal shower for this weekend!) is so not into it.

Just to be the better person, I will totally be there for my friends after their own baby's eventually start arriving and they need help.

[jlmack45]

I decided to skip the baby shower this time around and just throw a Welcome to the World party for Ryan after he is born. That way everyone can meet him, give him some cuddles, and visit with us. I don't need any gifts, but an afternoon of well wishes after his birth, and some other's wanting to play with him, that would provide a semi break for me--- the best gift ever.

[Kutie.Pie]

I had difficulties trying to throw my friends shower. Her MIL HAD to be apart of throwing it, so I said fine, even though I asked way back when I found out she was first pregnant. Well, I talked things over with her MIL and made sure that things were taken care of before I had to leave for a vacation a couple weeks ago (the shower was the week after I got back). Her MIL e-mailed me while I was on vacation wanting to cancel it, because she couldn't handle it. There were only 20 people there MAX. I'm like... seriously? I was 7 months pregnant and she couldn't handle it? So, I told her to let me take over the whole thing and I'd throw it, because there was no way I was letting my friend's shower get thrown out the window. It's her first baby! It went well in the end, but her MIL irritates me to no end, especially since I was the one wanting to throw the shower from the beginning. Her MIL was even too lazy to send out real invites.

In other words, these things happen and sometimes we just have to go with it. It'll all be fun in the end.