Running away

[Pumpkin_Pie]

My 2 year old (26 months) has recently started running away so much that it is getting extremely difficult to go out in public with him. I am a single mama and really can't stay home. The places that he tends to run away from me are not really stroller friendly. We meet friends at the park, and he wants to play on the playground equipment, which is fine, but a few minutes later, he runs away toward the road or the lake which we live next to.

I am seriously at my wits end. I end up yelling at him so many times a day, and I HATE it. I am so scared that he is going to get hit by a car or fall into the lake before I can get to him. He can run FAST, and I have an injured back currently, so I can't run fast enough to catch him most of the time lately. I can't keep him cooped up at home, and for my sanity, I need to get out and socialize with other mamas.

Please, wise gentle discipline mamas, help me to figure this one out.

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Anyone? I have tried to search for "running away", but for the life of me, I can't get the search function to work. I come up with everything under the sun except for the actual topic I am looking for. I am seriously getting terrified to take him anywhere. We went to a barbeque last night, and I was trying to get him some food to eat. I turned my back for one second (literally), and someone was running after him saying, "Oh my god! He was nearly in the road!" It is driving me INSANE. I really want him to be able to run and play, but I need to keep him safe.

[TopHat]

My DD can't run quite yet (only 14 months and can walk, but not run), and she's under 25 pounds, but when we're places where it would be a mess to run off like the farmer's market or the adult book section of the library (picture book section I let her roam wherever, but if I'm looking for specific books for myself, she'd be pulling stuff down if I let her roam), I put her on my back in a Mei Tai. That might be an option if your 2 year old isn't too big.

At places like the BBQ, would there be people around you would trust to ask, "Hey, I'm going to get us some food. It'll be 2 minutes- can you watch him while I'm gone and make sure he doesn't run off?" We do that at playgroup at the park all the time- especially when a mom has to take one of her other kids to the bathroom or chase another kid getting too close to the street.

[Pumpkin_Pie]

That would be great, but it just doesn't seem to work. I have asked for help, but he still gets away so quickly. On the playground, I need to be constantly running around the equipment so that I can catch him as he comes off a slide or a ladder so that I can grab him as he bolts.

I do wear him in crowds, or have him ride in the stroller which he is mostly fine with. He does tend to scream quite a bit, but it is really just VERY LOUD singing, not mad screaming. He will also ride on my shoulders.

My main concern is that he will really bolt as quickly as he can, especially if he makes eye contact with me first. I know he thinks it a super fun game, but it is so dangerous. I was reading on another thread that you can just cut the play date short when they run. I am thinking that when he makes eye contact with me and starts to run again, I may say at that point "if you run away from mama, we are going to go home right now." He is super verbal, so I am pretty sure he will understand completely.

[1littlebit]

i feel your pain! ds is 16 mos.. and to heavy for me to carry for a long time even with my babyhawk... i don't know what to do either!

[Miss Chris]

I think that leaving the situation when he runs is a good approach. In fact I consider running away to be such an important safety issue that I don't give a "next time we're leaving" type of warning. Running away is a one strike and you're out type of offense in our family. My daughter has only started to run away from me and I have tried to nip it in the bud by being very serious and immediate in my response.

I think in a park you need to tell him in a clear and serious tone right when you arrive that if he runs away you are going home. No discussion, no second chances. Then you have to do it even if it means leaving before you want to. I try to think of the right to walk ahead of me or play freely in the park as fun activities that depend on her behaving in a way that is safe. If she can't behave in a way that is safe (either because she is developmentally not ready, or because she is testing her boundaries) than it is my responsibility to assure her safety by curtailing her freedom to the extent necessary to protect her. She has learned very quickly that running away will instantly result in a loss of play privileges or a loss of autonomy and is at some pains when we go for walks to assure me that she isn't running away when she's walking ahead of me.

This is so frustrating and frightening but I think very clear boundaries and consistency are the key.

good luck

[junipermuse]

I totally get your frustration. My dd is totally a runner and has been since she was pretty little (she's 28 months right now). It is very scary and very frustrating. I have learned that the biggest thing I can do is not to give her the opportunity to run in any place that it would be unsafe for her to run away. This used to be especially hard for me in some places like shopping because she would sweetly ask to walk and promise that if she runs away I could put her back in the cart/stroller (she has been incredibly verbal for a long time) but she just doesn't have the impulse control to stop herself from running, so inevitably I would be chasing her down and wrestling her screaming back into the cart. It's better if I just do not let her out no matter what. I bring a carrier and a stroller and I give her the choice between the two and that's it. If I were you I would stop having playdates at parks that don't have fenced in playgrounds. If there aren't any (in our area most parks have a fenced play area) than you don't do playdates at the park for awhile. Meet friends at each other's homes instead.

Also I think if you play chasing games at other times when it is safe for him to run away. You can chase him and then he can chase you. If you get him into that mind set of taking turns, then you have a tool when he runs away. You can say your turn to chase mama and pretend to run away fast, when I do this dd usually runs right back to me. I don't do this if she is really in danger, but more if she's far away but safe, but I don't want to try catching up to her (I'm almost 7 months pregnant and it actually is hard for me to catch up with her).

Last I think it is okay for the child to see how upset and scared you feel when they run away. If you yell a bit it's okay just take the time to explain that you were upset because you felt so scared. I think it also helps to continue having an ongoing conversation about the issue. It doesn't help in the immediate sense, but if your child understands why running away is so dangerous and how you feel than as he gains self control (and gets past the testing/how-is-mommy-going-to-react-to-this stage) he will run away less and less. I always try to explain to dd that the reason she has to ride in the stroller or the sling in the parking lot is because the cars can't see her and they could hurt her very bad. I explain that she has to stay in the cart because I feel scared when she runs away and this is how I know she is safe.

I do think that leaving a situation in which the child continues to run away is probably a good idea, I think that you and he will probably be happier in the long run if you just don't put him into situations where the running away would be unsafe.