Any other previous loss or infertility mamas-to-be in this DDC?

[2sweetboysmom]

The Pregnancy after Loss board is a very encourageing place to hang out and post for me, but it is sometimes nice to compare notes with someone in the same place in pregnancy too.

If there are any other mamas on here who have experienced loss and or infertility I would love to meet you, and share the dizzying affects of joy and anxiousness with you over these next 40ish weeks.

My name is Joy, I have 3 boys ages 7,5,and nearly 2. I Went through nearly 4 years of infertility treatments before I had my first son. I have had 5 early first trimester losses over the past 12 years, and one 15 week loss in January of this year, a son. We were unable to determine the cause. I would have been due July 14, 2009. This littleone was an un-expected gift. We were trying to avoid pregnancy because I was still very anemic from my loss in January and did not feel my body was ready yet. I had my iron checked as soon as I learned I was pregnant and it was miraculously 13.4!!!! Anemia gone!
I am due around February 6, 2010
Joy

[wendimarie]

I am so sorry to hear of your losses.

I had an 8 week m/c on July 17, 2006 (due date would have been Feb. 28th,). I conceived my DD immediately after and I think of her as a precious gift from the baby we lost. I still have a difficult time with the loss and it is really hard right now with being pregnant. I will be very happy to pass that 8 week milestone and then get to 10-12 weeks and hear the heartbeat. I had a natural m/c and we had the baby cremated and named him/her, Peyton. That did help with the grieving process.

We have the same due date :-) Sending you lots of sticky vibes!

[mamasgirls]

I'm so sorry for your losses. s

I got pregnant the first 2 times fairly easily. We decided to start trying for #3 in April 2007. I got pregnant in August 2008, but miscarried in October 2008 (would have been due May 2009). I started seeing an RE in Jan. 2009 and had a ton of infertility testing. I had 2 IUI's with clomid and trigger shot, both which failed. I decided I needed to take a month off in May. I didn't chart, didn't use my monitor- nothing. I got a BFP yesterday and am still in shock and sooooo nervous! I think I am due around Feb. 12th!

[Fireflyforever]

Me.

I've already said hello over at PAL. I had a 6 week m/c in Sept 07, fell pregnant again with my beautiful daughter Emma Faith four months later. I gave birth to her 14th October 2008 (her due date!!). She died sometime in the last 7 minutes before she came earthside - we assume some sort of cord accident, we don't know for sure.

My EDD this time is 4th February but if Nugget is sticky he/she will be coming via planned section at 38 weeks.

I am, naturally, utterly utterly terrifed but letting myself feel the tiniest amount of hope too.

[Tellera]

to all of you for your losses.

Hello, ladies, I recognize a few of you... This is my first post on this due date board. I got a positive yesterday on a cheapie, so faint I was sure I was seeing things. Then I got a store bought one and clear as day was the line.

I'm nervous and excited and a whole ball of emotions. We lost DS2 last April at close to 23 weeks from incompetent cervix (and/or also potentially an abruption).

We started trying again in December. After 5 months of charting and timing really well I went to my OB and she gave me clomid to help me to have a more sparkly, flirty, come-get-me egg. And so, on my first cycle with clomid here I am. I was so surprised. And elated, and unbelieving, and absolutely terrified. So terrified to lose another child like I did my son. I'm trying to be just positive, and think positively.

DS1 was born with a midwife in a freestanding birthcenter, and how different this pregnancy will be due to our loss of sweet DS2. If I am so lucky to make it to term I will be having him or her in a hospital. My pregnancy will be very managed, with cervix ultrasounds, cerclage, and bedrest. All sounding very contrary to "mothering.com", but, well, I want a baby who comes home with me, and for my body and my history, this is the path I am taking this time.

I have also had a miscarriage, before DS1, at 6 weeks.

I'll probably post on the roll call later, too.

I feel like posting this makes it real!

[mtnmoonmama]

Hey Mamas,
What a roller coaster. I have 2 sweet boys, 5 and 2 and have had 5 losses total. I had 1 mc before my first son, then conceived him on the first cycle after. I had 2 mc between my sons, and then another 2. Now here I am...pregnant again with the first egg post mc! All of my losses have been very early, between 4 and 5 weeks, except for one that I lost at 7 weeks and I think the only reason I didn't loose it sooner was because I started taking progesterone suppositories. My losses have been chalked up to bad luck...not an easy reason to deal with. After my last mc I started reading about repeat chemical pregnancies and the suggestions that came up repeatedly was to take extra B complex, extra folic acid (up to 2000mg) and a baby aspirin daily to make the uterine lining extra plush and easy for baby to implant. Seems to have worked (or maybe my "luck" is changing...)! I stoped taking the baby aspiring a week or so again, although I was so nervous, but have continued the rest. I am 6 1/2 weeks along now, so I definitely have a better feeling about the pregnancy making it but of course I still check every time I wipe...

I look forward to sharing our pregnancies together and hope this is it for all of us!

[christianmomoflots]

So sorry to you all for all your losses.

I had a m/c @ 7 weeks in January, would have been due in Sept. I am still looking back at how far I would be if...and that hurts.

I am so super excited and happy and in love with this baby and am anxious and afraid and yes I check ever time I wipe too!!

To make things worse I had an U/S to check for multiples and dates; and well even though I knew better (this is my 8th pregnancy) than to have an U/S this early I did it anyway and all they saw was a sac....

I am praying now that it was just too early.

[jul511riv]

Hi. Just had a m/c 2 months ago. I'm so happy that I am pregnant again. But still sad that I would have been in 2nd trimester by now. Trying to spiritually sort this all out, still.

And I'm scared...really really scared. Not only do I check when I wipe...but every time I feel a "sensation" I drop my pants and check.

I'll feel better when I'm past the point where I had the m/c. I dont know why...but hopefully I will.

[Fireflyforever]

Originally Posted by Tellera

to all of you for your losses.

Hello, ladies, I recognize a few of you... This is my first post on this due date board. I got a positive yesterday on a cheapie, so faint I was sure I was seeing things. Then I got a store bought one and clear as day was the line.

::::::::

I am SOOOO excited that you're here. What brilliant news. You've made my day

[MommaSomeday]

Count me in. We got pregnant with our first child last year. I was due October 6th and gave birth to my beautiful little boy, Gideon, on October 12. He suffered a lot of brain damage at the end of the birth and was really only kept alive by machinery until we took him off the next day. We started trying again immediately and got pregnant with our little Butterball, due around Thanksgiving this year. But I miscarried naturally on Easter (also what would have been Gideon's 6 month birthday). Now, we are here again, due February 6th. Most of our options are still up in the air, but we are already loving on our little one and so excited and happy. From somewhere deep inside I have had a feeling of peace and calm about this pregnancy - I only check the TP about half the time.

[Pinoikoi]

My first pregnancy was a loss, as well as my third. This is my 6th pregnancy. I was diagnosed with PCOS type infertility the day I found out I was expecting this babe, interestingly enough.

[Salihah]

Hi Mamas!

I wasn't going to join this group because we're so early and last time I got all involved with a DDC I had lost my baby. But after seeing this post, I feel like I'm not alone and maybe it is ok to at least lurk a bit and share in the excitement I feel, in spite of the worries, too. (I have had 2 full-term healthy, 1 preemie with CP, and 4 losses)

So is it ok to feel excited or is that just setting up? Seems harder each time. But I also want to have hope and do the "I just found out I'm pregnant!!" excitement! Sharing on a forum fills that gap without telling a bunch of IRL family and friends that I don't feel ready to tell yet.

This seems like a great group! I am so happy for all of you!

[Fireflyforever]

Originally Posted by DahlalLotus

So is it ok to feel excited or is that just setting up? Seems harder each time. But I also want to have hope and do the "I just found out I'm pregnant!!" excitement! Sharing on a forum fills that gap without telling a bunch of IRL family and friends that I don't feel ready to tell yet.

This seems like a great group! I am so happy for all of you!

Welcome.

Before getting pregnant I was adamant that I wouldn't join a DDC this time - I'd just stick with the PAL thread. But, I sort of peeped in - and couldn't stay away. I'm affirming that I value this little life no matter how long it is mine to nurture. I keep thinking, "well, would I grieve less for this baby if I lost it if I hadn't joined a DDC or enjoyed the excitement & anticipation?" I wouldn't. If I lose this baby it will be devastating whether I join in all the early razamatazz or not. At least here I'm creating memories. So here I am!

[MommaSomeday]

Originally Posted by Fireflyforever

Welcome.

Before getting pregnant I was adamant that I wouldn't join a DDC this time - I'd just stick with the PAL thread. But, I sort of peeped in - and couldn't stay away. I'm affirming that I value this little life no matter how long it is mine to nurture. I keep thinking, "well, would I grieve less for this baby if I lost it if I hadn't joined a DDC or enjoyed the excitement & anticipation?" I wouldn't. If I lose this baby it will be devastating whether I join in all the early razamatazz or not. At least here I'm creating memories. So here I am!

Yes, exactly this! If I lost this baby, I would hate to look back and feel bad that I didn't celebrate it just as much as possible. I even joined the December DDC with Butterball and I have no remorse. It was a way to celebrate and affirm my little one. I hope Butterball knows how loved she (because I think it was a girl) was in her very short little life. I want this baby to know the same thing should the worst happen.

[mtnmoonmama]

Originally Posted by Fireflyforever

Welcome.

Before getting pregnant I was adamant that I wouldn't join a DDC this time - I'd just stick with the PAL thread. But, I sort of peeped in - and couldn't stay away. I'm affirming that I value this little life no matter how long it is mine to nurture. I keep thinking, "well, would I grieve less for this baby if I lost it if I hadn't joined a DDC or enjoyed the excitement & anticipation?" I wouldn't. If I lose this baby it will be devastating whether I join in all the early razamatazz or not. At least here I'm creating memories. So here I am!

Great way to think about it!

[Salihah]

Originally Posted by Fireflyforever

Welcome.

Before getting pregnant I was adamant that I wouldn't join a DDC this time - I'd just stick with the PAL thread. But, I sort of peeped in - and couldn't stay away. I'm affirming that I value this little life no matter how long it is mine to nurture. I keep thinking, "well, would I grieve less for this baby if I lost it if I hadn't joined a DDC or enjoyed the excitement & anticipation?" I wouldn't. If I lose this baby it will be devastating whether I join in all the early razamatazz or not. At least here I'm creating memories. So here I am!

Awesome! So glad to be here, too!

[Tellera]

Originally Posted by Fireflyforever

::::::::

I am SOOOO excited that you're here. What brilliant news. You've made my day

: awww! Thank you, Jill! I'm so glad YOU'RE here!!!

Thanks so much, Joy, for starting this thread.

[jul511riv]

yeah, thanks for starting this thread. REALLY REALLY thanks!:

It wasn't until the miscarriage happened to me that I realized this isn't as uncommon a phenominon as I'd previously thought.

It is pretty neat to know that there are a whole bunch of us here. And, yes, a friendship was nearly destroyed irl (it's VERY strained right now, as a matter of fact) because when I had the m/c I called this best friend and told her, crying...and about 4 days later she called me and I was still really upset. And she had just found out that she was pg. And I congratulated her, but then she took it upon herself to let me know that she thought I was "milking this micarriage thing" and I quote; "It's not like you lost a BABY!"

I really couldn't believe it, and that has stayed with me. That is why I'm not telling ANYONE irl (outside of the people I would want to know and support me if something went wrong, which includes my dh, mother and brother, at this point. ANd likely my sister, too, whenever I can get a hold of her. No one else.)

btw, this friend is now just going into her 2nd trimester today...and I would have been there a few weeks ago.

I still feel angry and sad, like, I'm starting all over fromt he beginning when I would have been half way there by now. I know that is so stupid and silly, but that thought does creep up on me. ANd then, of course, the daily thought that this will happen to me again...and again...and again...

I was having very disturbing dreams right before the m/c, so I'm also a bit afraid to go to sleep, even though I'm SOOO tired right now. The dreams, so far, have been okay...even really great...but still.

Today was the first day that I had a "vaginal sensation" where I ignored it for a few seconds before running to the bathroom to check.

Anyway, I'm so happy that we are all here and I have a community now that I can talk to and understands without making the HUGE faux paux my friend made (yelling at me and calling me selfish for still hurting 4 days into the m/c).

[Fireflyforever]

Jul: I'm so very, very, sorry that your IRL friend was so insensitive. I hate how pregnancy & birth loss is so marginalised by (some) people who haven't experienced it.

At least here you know we understand.

[jul511riv]

I know. I've complained about this on the loss forums because I was totally traumatized by this. It wasn't just the miscarriage, it was how everyone responded to it that was so upsetting. Like, this friend just blew everything. It was a totally hurtful thing to say and in retrospect I think she said it because she was feeling really scared that it might happen to her (newly pg). But still, it's not okay.

Then my sil, who was 6 weeks ahead in her pregnancy than I was was just awful. Basically yelling at me and my husband, telling us that a miscarriage is not a big deal (this was the DAY AFTER it started) and that we were being selfish to be so "absorbed" in that when life goes on.

My mil said "that's really painful, you should go to a hospital and get some pain pills." And then stood us up for a big family holiday dinner (that I was hosting at my house that same night), without calling or anything. Basically, she said she was on her way to help (this was hours into the m/c)...and then just didn't show up. And her entire family stood us up, too. Then they all felt that we were in the wrong because we didn't call and ask where they all were. (everyone was fine, btw...)

The whole thing was totally traumatic. I posted about it in the loss forums, it's a long story. But, it was like living in the twilight zone...and also learning who your friends really are in times like this. But it has altered relationships with our friends and, particularly, family permidently...and we are still not speaking with some of them and trying to figure out how to deal with the relationships from here on out.

And now...

I don't even want to tell anyone about this. I don't even want to see the il's. And this is all really hard on my husband. So we have our Rabbi involved and we have both agreed that we will do what he decides. We trust him. He's a wise, fair, gentle and kindered soul. So hopefully he can sort this all out. I know he's going to want me to see them, in a neutral place...for an hour at most (we've talked about this being the next logical step), but so far that has been for "when I'm ready". Which I'm not.

And then, we have a whole new set of problems...the il's have been an absolutely dominating force in our marriage. As in, they are constantly doing things causing me and my husband to fight. Case in point, the day I gave birth to ds, they came that evening (7 hours late, again, not calling) and said they were hungry...WE had to buy them dinner...hours after I gave birth! My husband had to beg them to help wash the dishes after they ate!

It just goes on and on. So having a baby, and with me living in another coutnry far away from any family whatsoever (everyone lives in the USA and no one wants to come here to visit), I'm really on my own...for the good and the bad and the ugly...and all the issues this brings up..m/c...birth...it all has proved to be very trauamatic for me. In fact, for the past 2 years of my life, I've been doing everything to build a support network for myself for times such as these, of friends and neighbors and a community online so that I can roll with it all.

Sorry to hijack. Thanks for letting me share.