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My birth story...Long

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
This is my birth story and I want to start with a couple of warnings...it's long, it's not really for the faint of heart, it's a little traumatic and lastly, I wrote it for an online journal I have and am basically just copying and pasting here, so originally it was written for another audience, so that's why if it sounds like I'm talking about something it sounds like you all should know about

Wow. What an experience!

Griffin is here at long last and now I am a mother of two! I cannot believe it!

Never would I have thought also that I'd have such a big baby...or that I'd have a C-section! Never thought my labor would be more than twice as long as Emerald. A lot of things happened that I never thought would happen!

I must type my birth story...it is long...it is just...long....also my sense of time is a bit skewed so I'm not really sure exactly all the details and what happened when....

After my last post which was like what, 5 nights ago...it was about 1:45 am my time, and I tried to go to bed....who wants to labor after being awake for so long? I lied in bed and immediately had a contaction. I moan and Kenny wakes up and finds out I am probably in labor....we sit around and time contractions for awhile...I even looked through photo albums, organized some pictures and cleaned up the house a little, contractions were coming like every 7 minutes. Kenny went back to sleep, though he kept warning me to call the midwife because we didn't want it to happen too fast and have her not be here...I took a bath and a shower I think, trying to ease my way through the contrax. Finally around 5 or 6 am, I called the midwife and she was on her way. We let each each mother know too, my mother and MIL. Midwife showed up as well as my mother...MIL came over and it was an awkward moment like who was going to take E...they both took her together and did some errands. Midwife assistant/doula (Mindy) showed up and they were arranging things...they put out a birth certificate, a tiny onesie that said, 'Born at Home' and started to set up all the equipment...including lifesaving equipment in my bedroom...they put down my black sheets over a shower curtain and used some chux pads. Everything was ready....this was sometime in the am...midwife said to me, "Baby by 10 am?" I said I hope so...

I had contrax all day and midwife showed Kenny a good way to hold me through them...with me hunched over him and Mindy used countercompression on my hips. It really did help...during each contraction, Mindy would come squeeze them together...and in a minute contrax would be over and everyone would sit back down...Midwife was knitting, doula was reading...we would chat about all kinds of things in between contrax...I would eat some sunflower seeds and drink some Powerade to keep my strength up. I got in and out of the shower a few times.

Many many hours went by. I realized it was afternoon and there was no baby still and that my labor was almost already as long as Emerald's. Midwife said we need to get contrax closer together, need to make them more intense, etc. because baby will not get here....because contrax were not becoming more than 5 minutes apart for the most part! I just stayed there...kind of like I did with E's labor...Though they were becoming more and more painful. My yelling and screaming kind of picked up...I felt trapped...I went out in the yard and Kenny and I walked around...I sat on the swing for awhile...My mother came a couple of times during labor and dropped off food and drinks and all kinds of things...She came while I was outside and had a framed photograph with her and an angel/fairy statue. She said she thought I'd like to have the angel statue because E always kisses it when at her house and the framed picture was a picture of me and my grandfather on Easter when I was 9. She said E was paying special attention to the picture and it happened that day to be the wedding anniversary of Memere and my grandfather, and it would've been 50 years had he been alive...so my mother said my grandfather was 'with me.' Then she became choked up and almost cried and had to leave...hearing me yell and scream I think was too much for my mother...she was telling Mindy the assist how I was always a really good kid...Then she left...

I don't know at some point Michelle (midwife) checked me and I was like 8 cm dilated...I was having such a hard time...I told them that this birth was harder than Emerald's and I didn't think that was possible, but hers was a walkin the park compared....I was sitting in the glider chair and hallucinating almost...I don't know why but Michelle wanted me to try pushing and I wasn't even completely dilated....I did a few pushes and I didn't think it felt right, I had no urge and it just hurt really really bad...I told them that I was becoming exhausted and not going to be able to make it...Michelle, Mindy and Kenneth all said I would be find and I could make it...and I said I think I thought I was someone I'm not, meaning someone who could have a homebirth...and that it is not in me...she said that I could do it, that I could do it for the new baby, for Kenny, for Emerald and myself...I got so worn out, I told her that I think I should reconsider...she asked, what did I think the hospital was going to do that we could not do at home? That I still have to push a baby out there, it's not going to get any easier there than it would at home...

at some point I grabbed the phone and went outside and called my mother...I was crying and just begging her to save me...I don't know what I expected my mother to do, but it was one of those, "I want my mommy" moments...my mother tried telling me to listen to Michelle, to try to get in the shower, she tried suggesting that I listen to the relaxing music...she got panicky when I was screaming in the phone and said she should come over...then she said she wanted to call the ambulance...I told her no...my brother Glen and his gf Kristin could hear me on the other end, they heard my yells...Kristin told my mom she would come over and do squatting with me and help me...Glen was becoming upset even and teary eyed apparently...I don't remember how, but we hung up and Michelle came outside, she told me that I could not go taking off on her...that I could not do that or she could lose her license...she told me she didn't like drama...I told her that I was not trying to create drama...I just was upset and didn't know what to do...she said if I want to go to the hospital, first she needs to check me and see where I'm at because she needs to report that to them...she checked and said I was fully dilated..when checking, she popped my water bag...she told me to try pushing...it still felt horrible...When I pushed with Emerald I had that "I have to poop" feeling and it felt a little bitter to push although exhausting....this time, it was still just excruciating...what made it worse was Michelle had her hand inside me each time I pushed...as she said, she was doing an exam as I pushed...

She had my do lying down pushing on my back and said, "He's going to come through! You're going to crown on the next push! Next push!!!" Nope. This went on for two hours...I was just exhausted and wanted to die...I asked Kenny to get his shotguns and shoot me...midwife told me to cut that talk out...somehow Kenny and I ended up back in my bathroom and I'm crying and telling Kenny to listen to me, please just listen....I was shaking him and crying and begging him to help me...he almost started crying himself...told me I needed to get a hold of myself, I know that it hurts, but I can do this...I kept yelling, "No, no, no, no" and they all kept saying, "Say YES! because you can do this!" I tried pushing while squatting, standing, lying on my side...etc. with midwife's hand in there the whole time...I asked her to stop doing that and she was aggravated by that, and a little while later kept doing it anyway...she told me to push over a flat mirror we had...I asked her if she could see any head...she said no...but she kept saying, "Next time!" I found out later she kept saying this to keep me motivated, but he never descended any further...After a few hours of pushing, I went into the bathroom again, and was exhausted...it was over 20 hours after labor started...I open the door to find midwife saying she's calling the hospital because she can't make me do anything that I don't want to do. I hugged her and told her I was sorry...I ran around and packed up some things...It took forever for Mindy and Michelle to pack up their homebirthing supplies and put them in the vehicles...It was around 10 pm..I kept pacing...Kenny drove our Neon and Michelle got in the back seat with me, and it is very tiny back there and she said she had to monitor baby...hospital was almost an hour away, that midwife is affiliated with...it was the most excruciating ride of my life....I would scream and scream and Kenny said he thought I was going to break my car window...I was scream and swear and the tiny space made it the most unbearable thing...I would scream and midwife would say, "Holly is baby coming now? If so, we need to pull over." and I'd say no...we finally got there and I moaned and screamed and hobbled my way into the place...they knew we were coming and Michelle gave all my info to the labor and delivery people and they kept asking me questions and having an awful time finding my veins to put in an IV. They were like, "This is going to pinch." I was like, "I don't care!!!!!!" I begged for pain relief. They said I could have an epi as soon as they ran my blood tests.

It took forever and ever and I screamed and swore and they got permission to give me Stadol while waiting for the epi to kick in. They gave me a shot in the IV and one in my butt. No pain relief...I asked when should it have kicked in? They said already. It didn't....I screamed and cried and asked for help and the nurse there thought I was so close to delivering she kept lifting me sheet expecting to find a baby's head coming out...nope...just hurt bad...anesthesiologist (don't know if that's spelled right) showed up and gave me epidural...Kenny held me hands and he put it in and said it should help...half an hour goes by, no pain relief...at all...I asked why won't it work, and they said that the Stadol and epi must not be working because I'm fully dilated (though I had been for hours and hours) and they can't safely give me any more than I've had....I screamed and moaned through more horrible pain...Michelle told me that my contrax again were like 3-6 min apart...erratic and not bringing out baby and it's time to get baby out, it's been too long. She said we needed to give me Pit to get it going....Pit after epi and Stadol NOT working? No way. I said, "I cannot do that....I can't, I can't, Please help me..." And she said the final choice was the C-section and I nodded...she said there could be risks, complications, etc...I said, just please give me the C-section...Kenny was mad and made a snide comment like, "Fine, go get cut open..." and I cried and called him a swearword....I reminded him of how he came into this world...his mother labored with him and could not get him out and had a c-section and he was over 11 pounds.

The hospital said it would be like a half hour because the team needs to come in, not all of them are at the hospital...I waited and labored and yelled and screamed while many nurses tried to calm me...they had Kenny change into scrubs...I kept asking, "Where are theyyyyy??" They kept telling me over and over that he, meaning one doctor in specific, needed to get there first...that he was almost there....I breathed, I screamed, I prayed, I begged for another 45 minutes...they came and got me and wheeled me away and put me on the table...the anesthesiologist came back this time with a spinal instead...He had to put it in between 7 and 10 times...I screamed through almost all of this, only because I had to stay very still while he was trying to put it in and had to try to stick out my back, while having a contraction...I tried holding onto midwife, one of the male nurses or something, and the doctor himself doing the section...It took like a half hour...they finally got it in and I can't even explain in words ever...the relief that overcame my body...I told the anesthesiologist that I would go to his house and clean for him, and take care of his kids, etc. It was pretty funny...I also told him that he was the best person in the world for taking my pain away and told him I could give him a kiss...so he came and gave me a kiss.

They brought Kenny in and I kept telling the whole room of staff and doctors and nurses how grateful I was....Finally at 3:44 am, about 27 hours after labor started, and around 36 hours after I last slept, he was born! The spinal guy and this other guy kept telling me what was going on and finally one of them said, "Whoa! You should see the size of this baby! Ummm, yeah, there was a reason he wasn't coming out! And his head is huge!" I felt so glad that someone validated me...because it was like Kenny, Michelle and Mindy were thinking I just wasn't trying hard enough...even though yes, I know others have pushed out other 10 pounderss fine vaginally...I was shaking horribly...I thought it was my nerves catching up with me, but the shaking of my hands and arms became really intense and they told me it was the anesthesia not me doing it...they told me to just talk to my husband about something else and it would help....a while later Kenny went with the baby while I was all fixed up I guess...I don't remember much...I remember waking in this recovery room and the nurse was laughing at me because I kept saying things to Kenny and he was sleeping and she was like, "Your husband is sleeping," and I'd say, "Oh...ok, so Kenny, did you remember...." and she'd tell me again, "He's sleeping." and I kept saying nonsense things to her...

I think I awoke several hours later in my room, completely exhausted...These last couple of days have been so great, with a new baby...but hard too...no one told me about all the gastrointestinal upset you have with a section...yikes!!

He's kind of laid back and makes some funny faces!! He cracks me up...

Middle name is Kenneth after Daddy...

Griffin has the softest cheeks in the world...you would'nt even believe how soft and squishy... :

Thank you everyone also for your support and everything...
post #2 of 8
Wow - I'm sorry you had such a hard time. Congratulations on your new baby boy!!!
post #3 of 8
Wow, it sounds like you didn't have the support you actually needed. I'm glad you're not beating yourself up over the choices you made. And congrats on the baby!!!
post #4 of 8
Wow. I empathise with you, thats for sure!! My homebirth transfer and c/s came under some of the same circumstances. Hope you are healing emotionally and physically!! (oh and my little guy is Griffin too!!)
post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 
Isn't the name wonderful? It's really the only thing that fit him...it's a sweet name that I think will grow into adulthood very well too...

Wow. I empathise with you, thats for sure!! My homebirth transfer and c/s came under some of the same circumstances
Thank you, and not that I'm happy the same happened to you, but it's comforting to know someone else knows exactly what I'm going through.

Edited to Add: Just read your birth story in full...wow...it really is similar...also wanted to add, that in my original post here I didn't know if I should say what you said, but I feel the same...if I ever have another, it's going to be either C-section or VBAC with fully working body numbing epidural....I thought homebirth sounded so wonderful, sounded so right for me...but it's not for me...with my first birth, I was traumatized by the hospital (it was vaginal but still traumatic) but this time I was comforted by the hospital, which I guess is a good thing (different hospital too). I feel like you, I really don't have regrets about the C-section...maybe about some of the other things I do, parts of the homebirth...I know I worked very hard to bring both my children into the world. I did what I could do.
post #6 of 8
Lurking from June, awaiting labor.

I just want to commend you on your good attitude! I am so, so, so sorry that you were not getting the support you needed.

I have had two unmediated, home births, but dang if I wouldn't have called an ambulance and transferred myself about 10 hours into your ordeal--you lasted much longer than I would have. There are situations in which we should be happy for the medical care that is available to us if we need it. It sounds like is is not you that is unsuited for homebirth, it is just that certain births don't go smoothly and they are not suited for home. C-sections can be a life-saving procedure, after all! Women should always have a choice, and feel empowered by the variety of choices we have in this country, not feel bullied into a choice that is not right for them.

How big was your boy? I am so curious! Hope your recovery is going well.
post #7 of 8
Thread Starter 
Thank You! He was 9 pounds 15.5 ounces! And 21.5 inches long. That's a three pound jump from my first birth! And I did not have gestational diabetes or anything...It's amazing!

Those are the only parts of the homebirth that bother me...after doing hard labor for almost a full day, I was being talked out of getting help the whole time...I really wish I had been listened to more...I don't know all the details, but at the hospital, they told me that he was trying to come out, but just couldn't. He was at zero station but never moved from there

Here is a picture http://img44.imageshack.us/img44/1851/griffy.jpg
post #8 of 8
That's an amazing story--I'm sorry it was so hard for you and that you had to endure so much, but you should be very proud of yourself for making it through. Congratulations on your beautiful baby and best wishes for a speedy recovery!
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