To start-we lost our baby 5 wks ago, at 13 wks preg. I've gone through shock, reality and anger, saddness, guilt. I got a cold, so got a few days of sleep, then now back to not sleeping well. I have Rescue Remedy which helps a little. I'm going to be contacting some type of grief counselor if I can find one.
I just don't know how to deal with every day though. I go through it like a robot most times. I'm wondering if I'm falling into depression, and not just grief. I have to take care of our boys, so they keep me going most days, but there are times in the day I just sort of blank out. Either I want to be focused on one thing-it's like I can't handle mulitple thoughts/tasks, or I want to do nothing. I could read a book for hours to escape, or play a video game. We go each morning for a walk now for miles-just to escape for the most part. I know I have things to clean in the house-but I could care less about scrubbing the bath, or I become obsessed about it.
My anxiety has become starting to be mini panic attacks. I have vacation coming up and I'm flipped about it. Facing the whole family. How do I pretend to be normal? They'll think it ridiculous to be so sad, seeing as it was a mc.
I don't even want to talk to my dh any more, because I feel like I should be moved on. But it's like I'm not here most times. Like I've shut off my emotions and I don't know how to feel anything other than sad, or emtpy, or angry most times. I tried doing some yoga to relax, and all I saw inside myself was like this big, red, pulsing, jagged and raw thing that is a part of me and hurts.
Is this normal grief? I've delt with depression many many years ago, but I've never felt anything like this. Some of it feels familiar to me like depression, like I may be heading that way, but not all of it.
I just don't know how to deal with every day though. I go through it like a robot most times. I'm wondering if I'm falling into depression, and not just grief. I have to take care of our boys, so they keep me going most days, but there are times in the day I just sort of blank out. Either I want to be focused on one thing-it's like I can't handle mulitple thoughts/tasks, or I want to do nothing. I could read a book for hours to escape, or play a video game. We go each morning for a walk now for miles-just to escape for the most part. I know I have things to clean in the house-but I could care less about scrubbing the bath, or I become obsessed about it.
My anxiety has become starting to be mini panic attacks. I have vacation coming up and I'm flipped about it. Facing the whole family. How do I pretend to be normal? They'll think it ridiculous to be so sad, seeing as it was a mc.
I don't even want to talk to my dh any more, because I feel like I should be moved on. But it's like I'm not here most times. Like I've shut off my emotions and I don't know how to feel anything other than sad, or emtpy, or angry most times. I tried doing some yoga to relax, and all I saw inside myself was like this big, red, pulsing, jagged and raw thing that is a part of me and hurts.
Is this normal grief? I've delt with depression many many years ago, but I've never felt anything like this. Some of it feels familiar to me like depression, like I may be heading that way, but not all of it.
s
