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intentionally NOT saving for your child's college? - Page 8

post #141 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by rootzdawta View Post
I think it all comes down to supporting your child's dreams as much as you can without doing damage to your own finances/retirement. That means something different to every family and every person.
I agree wholeheartedly with this!
post #142 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by triscuitsmom View Post
For real? What if he had met someone he wanted to spend his life with and she was going to be working making enough for them to live on and he was going to be the stay at home parent? What if that was the thing that would make him happiest in life?
No matter how hard I try I can not answer that question without possibly getting a few warning points.
post #143 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatWrangler View Post
I want to make sure my kids are able to fully support themselves without relying on a spouse/partner. If they should find themselves in a crappy relationship or if that breadwinner spouse/partner dies I want my child to be able to take care of themselves.

I do not have a college education (I have some college credits but they are so old they probably don't matter). If my husband should pass away or leave me, I have no way to support my three kids. All the money I would make would barely cover their daycare costs (assuming I make what I made when I last worked 3 1/2 years ago). I don't want my children to be put in a position like this with their own adult lives.
OK but how does one ensure that? If the child doesn't want to go to university/college/trade school as part of their plan... isn't that their call to make?

I have always wanted to be a Mom and a midwife... those have always been my callings. I am going to be able to do that thanks to hard work and some luck.

My partner when it comes right down to it would be more than content to be "just" at home with our children. It helps me because I'll be able to trust who is with them and be able to go and do what I feel called to do. It wasn't how I saw my plan playing out but...

And this is why we carry life insurance. To try and bridge that gap if one of us were to pass away. In terms of him leaving me... that would mean that I would have to find a job doing something I liked much less and I'm not even sure what that would be. The same is true for him. If I left him with the kids and just disappeared I'm not really sure how he'd make ends meet with daycare etc.

The solution is not to throw money into a degree one doesn't want though that may or may not translate into a full time stable job that pays enough to cover everything right out of school... let alone once it's been sitting unused for years and years.
post #144 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
What does the cost of your sister's education being more than yours have to do with my question? I'm talking about how I'd feel if my parents basically told me that what my siblings wanted was worth spending their money on, but what I wanted wasn't. It has nothing to do with how much money is involved. I have no idea how you even got that out of my post.
In the quote you say it would have made you feel awful if your sister got money for something your parents approved, and you didn't receive the same amount for something you wanted (education vs. house).

In my reply, I was simply mentioning, it doesn't really matter to me how much my parents give to either one of my siblings, nor do I care what they give it for, nor do I expect the same amount to be given to me. I don't feel awful about it. I don't think that they value my sister's career more than mine, just because they paid thousands more for it, and I do not expect a check to match, you know?
post #145 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndrewsMother View Post
No matter how hard I try I can not answer that question without possibly getting a few warning points.
So basically you want what you want for your son and anything he wants that is different isn't good? Am I understanding this right?

I am wondering if this carries over into his career choice. Do you also expect him to major in a certain thing?
post #146 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint View Post
Sorry, I cross posted and also must have completely misunderstood your point. As I took it the same way Oriole did.
Oops - this thread is flying so fast, I only just saw your other post. It has nothing to do with the amount of money. It has to do with my parents saying, "well, what your sister wants is worth spending money on, but what you want isn't".

I have trouble with the braces thing, because I've never seen anyone with purely cosmetic braces. It's hard for me to imagine.
post #147 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post
In the quote you say it would have made you feel awful if your sister got money for something your parents approved, and you didn't receive the same amount for something you wanted (education vs. house).
WHERE did I say anything about getting the same amount?? I was responding to Peppermint. I have no idea if I'm right, but I actually assumed that there were probably differences in tuition between engineering, banking, law school and an education degree. She never suggested that her parents were spending equal amounts in the first place.

Quote:
In my reply, I was simply mentioning, it doesn't really matter to me how much my parents give to either one of my siblings, nor do I care what they give it for, nor do I expect the same amount to be given to me. I don't feel awful about it. I don't think that they value my sister's career more than mine, just because they paid thousands more for it, and I do not expect a check to match, you know?
Neither do I, and I never said I did.

If you wouldn't be at least a little hurt that your parents thought that what your siblings wanted from life was valid, and worth putting their money into (note - I'm not talking about ANY PARTICULAR AMOUNT), but what you wanted wasn't valid, that's great. I would be, and I honestly think most people would be, as well. I'd really rather my mom and dad didn't tell me that my dreams and aspirations didn't meet their standards. It would hurt.
post #148 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndrewsMother View Post
An education is about more than making money. It is about learning as much as one can in a myriad of disciplines, becoming well rounded. Trade school only teaches a trade, nothing more or nothing less. College allows students the oportunity to further their academic horizons.
You do realize that a person who loves learning is perfectly capable of accessing everything that has been written- in a myriad of disciplines- without paying many thousands of dollars for the privilege? This has been my experience. Certainly my grasp of history, literature, biology, anatomy & physiology, astronomy, mathematics, philosophy and linguistics is far stronger than many of my peers who finished their 4 year degrees. I consume information voraciously, as do many self educated people.

I think you may eventually find that those people who yearn to know will find their own ways there, whether or not their parents pay for school. Those who are happy in their own little sphere, content to get by and with no interest in opening their minds will manage that, as well, whether or not they stick it out for 4 or more years in our present institutions of higher learning.
post #149 of 324
I don't think that the pro-college fund folks are saying that they're forcing their kids to go to college. Nor that there are no other career choices. We're/they're saying that they want to support their kids in case they do.
post #150 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
I think the point was sometimes dream jobs don't come requiring college.
I agree. I was answering a particular post.

I do believe that people who have a passion should pursue it, whether it requires degree or not.

I also believe, that if you don't have a passion, getting a degree will at least open doors.
post #151 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2naomi View Post
I don't think that the pro-college fund folks are saying that they're forcing their kids to go to college. Nor that there are no other career choices. We're/they're saying that they want to support their kids in case they do.
How far have you gotten in the thread?
post #152 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndrewsMother View Post
An education is about more than making money. It is about learning as much as one can in a myriad of disciplines, becoming well rounded. Trade school only teaches a trade, nothing more or nothing less. College allows students the oportunity to further their academic horizons.
I can't help but laugh at this... It does not matter where you are or what program you are enrolled in... those who are open to learning will find ways to learn, those who are not, will not. You can learn a trade AND a myriad of other important life things in trade school (or you can learn nothing). You can learn bookwork AND a myriad of other important life things in college/university (or you can learn absolutely nothing).

I find this sentiment to be just as ridiculous as I do the sentiment that one can only learn as a child if they are sent a an institution to do so...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post
Well, that's not exactly true. If I wanted to be a public school teacher in MA, I have to have Master's degree. Lack of degree would prevent me from getting my dream job (if teaching was my dream job, that is).
Right. But that's why I emphasized choice... if being a teacher was your highest goal you'd do what you have to do to get there... if your highest goal in life doesn't involve post secondary then you are not taking anything away from your life by not going.

Quote:
Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
I think the point was sometimes dream jobs don't come requiring college.


Quote:
Originally Posted by AndrewsMother View Post
No matter how hard I try I can not answer that question without possibly getting a few warning points.
Wow... just wow... that makes me so incredibly incredibly sad for your son. There is absolutely nothing wrong or unfufilling or unworthwhile about staying home and raising children and you don't need a college education to do it.
post #153 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndrewsMother View Post
An education is about more than making money. It is about learning as much as one can in a myriad of disciplines, becoming well rounded.
So...why are there so many narrow-minded people with advanced degrees? Why do I personally know PhDs who can't think outside the box to save their lives...and who are more ignorant than me about pretty much everything outside their specialty? I've known multiple people who have degrees who say they learn more in a year of just living than they did during their whole time at school. Learning and formal education are not the same thing.

Quote:
Trade school only teaches a trade, nothing more or nothing less. College allows students the oportunity to further their academic horizons.
Trade school and college don't shut off your brain. The best-read man I know is an art school dropout. My furniture mover father had a huge vocabulary, just from reading, and his taste in reading material is more varied than that of almost anyone I know.

Quote:
I am happy to know that trades are successful for your family.
I really hope you didn't mean that to sound as condescending as it does...
post #154 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Oops - this thread is flying so fast, I only just saw your other post. It has nothing to do with the amount of money. It has to do with my parents saying, "well, what your sister wants is worth spending money on, but what you want isn't".

I have trouble with the braces thing, because I've never seen anyone with purely cosmetic braces. It's hard for me to imagine.
I think there is a divide here, after seeing you describe how much you HATED schooling, ykwim? I am sure you can imagine a number of things (smaller) with your own kids where you would pay for one thing and not another, like my bookstore "I'll buy you each a book, but I am not buying toys" rule.

I suppose if one of my kids hated books as much as you hated school, they might consider that "unfair" and be bitter about it.

FWIW- I do have a brother who HATED schooling, until he went to college, so- I do know a bit about what it is like to have someone so negatively affected by schooling, I think it complicates this discussion.

If one of my children felt as strongly as you do against furthering education (or even just didn't want to), I'd help them realize dreams, like, perhaps a trade school or starting a business, but- things like houses, cars and travel are things everyone will want, so- I won't get into paying for that for my kids. I'll focus on helping them financially with "work related" dreams, whatever they may be.
post #155 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post
I agree. I was answering a particular post.

I do believe that people who have a passion should pursue it, whether it requires degree or not.

I also believe, that if you don't have a passion, getting a degree will at least open doors.
I know. I was meaning the point of that particular post.

To be clear I am not anti-college. If my children wish to go more power to them! I think I already stated that we would gladly keep them under our roof and provide food and all the other necessities of life while they attend. I just don't think paying for their college education is my responsibility or even a gift I'd like to give and I also don't feel college is a *must* for a happy full and comfortable life.
post #156 of 324
This seems to be getting awfully personal and many of the posts are taking an almost confrontational tone. If we could please step back and discuss ideas and concepts rather than trading personal insults and snark, that would be great.
post #157 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2naomi View Post
I don't think that the pro-college fund folks are saying that they're forcing their kids to go to college. Nor that there are no other career choices. We're/they're saying that they want to support their kids in case they do.
Thank you, you've got *my* point
post #158 of 324
To add though I am so happy to see these parents on all sides who obviously love and care about their kids. My DH and I were raised in less than stellar homes. We didn't get anything paid for for us and that sometimes even meant food, clothes, shelter, etc. It's just so nice to know so many parents DO care! :
post #159 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
Yup.


How did he feel his life would be better? For that matter why do you believe a college education makes life better? Genuinely curious here...
Because as a black person in the 1930's, 40's and 50's the only way to move above and beyond menial work was to have a higher level of education.

Call it snobbery or whatever you would like, but I still believe that this is true.
A college education provides options and opens doors that are shut without them. I can't imagine doing anything in life, that would fullfil me personally, that does not require a graduate degree. "I" would be miserable without that option. Others might not. Why not get the degree and realize that it is needed instead of never getting it and needing one.
post #160 of 324
We're saving to partially fund their education. We're fine if they don't want to go to college, but from our current observation it's likely they both will want to. We do save for our own retirement first.

Most people we know are saving something for their kids, but definitely not enough to cover everything. It's supposed to "help" them, not to pay for everything. Life is unpredictable and expectations are often not met. It's best to not assume your kids will do certain things you as you hoped.
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