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intentionally NOT saving for your child's college? - Page 5

post #81 of 324
I am not saving right now for dd's education and i don't know if i will.. My parents never paid for me and i saw many students where their parents did and they usually ended up flunking parts of school and not taking it seriously...

In our community most ppl do NOT have a postsecondary education and do quite well.. Actually a lot of the ppl do not have past grade 10.. My dd doesn't at this point want to go past grade 8... she has dyslexia, ADD and anxiety and finds school to be quite difficult.. she loves the social aspect but not the educational... and thats ok.. i see plenty of families out here doing quite well and the men haven't gone past grade 9...

A good life is not dependent on material possessions... The more you have the more happier you will be is a concept that needs to be blown up... it causes great distress and alot of financial issues...

My dd will start working at 15.. she will probably be a maid for young mothers in our church.. that way she can learn the skills necessary to run a household... (seeing as she is the only child it is impossible to teach her childcare etc here)... When she earns her income she will get 10% of it... the rest i will keep and either invest/save for her wedding or postsecondary education if thats what she desires.. she doesn't need that much money in her hands at 15 and she will have no bills as i will provide a home, food, clothing etc...
post #82 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtm View Post
triscuit, we have our money in resps which can be transferred to one of our other kids quite easily. If none of my three choose schooling (and it can go to university, trade school, cooking school etc) then we can get our money out but not the government grant portions.
Sorry, I wasn't clear... I meant what do you intend to do/say to the child? Only specifically asking those who say that they have a specific expectation of their child to go to postsecondary education... not to those who are saving money just in case they do.

Not the money, that part I figured would be transferred to either another child or parent (for retirement).
post #83 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
FWIW, I see this a little differently, coming at it from an employer standpoint. Having a fully paid for education, and not having had a job while at college, is not an asset for some employers. It's a liability. I've heard more than one person who does hiring (not generally HR people, but people hiring for their own departments) express concern about people who have come through school that way, because their ability to perform, from a "real life" standpoint hasn't been tested. I've seen people who did very well at school, with all kinds of parental support (often including financial and domestic support), who really just couldn't function that well when they had to take care of other things, as well as their jobs. It's not just me, either. As I said, I've heard other people comment on it.

The view people like that would have of you or your dh isn't that you were distracted or learned less than you could have. They'd have the view that you managed to accomplish what you did, while still managing other responsibilities. That's worth a lot to many people.
Well I was there, and let me say that being hungry and stressing about how to pay for tuition every quarter *was* indeed a distraction. My grades were lower because of this and because I had to try to get through a very demanding engineering curriculum while holding down jobs (most of which were not relevant to my degree).

Now I did also have many relevant jobs through our departments engineering co-op program. So did almost all of the students whose parents helped them financially. The difference is that they got to be picky and only take the best offers, work interesting internships out of state, etc. because they could afford to.

I don't regret my experience, but I would have had much better opportunities for graduate school, and for employment with just a little bit of help. I intend to provide that for my son.
post #84 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by triscuitsmom View Post
A related question... those of you who say that you expect/intend your child to go to College (or trade school) vs just saving money in case they go... what will you do/say to them if that is not part of their plan? Or is it that you mean that you expect them to in order to get the money that you have saved?

To me it would depend, don't want to go to university or trade school but have a plan or a job, no problem, money will go to next sibling's school costs. But we just take going on past high school in one form or another as the norm. If they wanted to do peace corps or travel for a year or two, no problem.
post #85 of 324
We plan to save some for our kids for college , wedding , down payment on a house etc. not a large amount but something that whatever they choose to do is there to help them. They wont be told though about the money though. I want them to work hard in high school and if college is for them great! If not no biggy! I honestly don't care if they choose to be gas station attendants so long as they are happy
post #86 of 324
Once our finances level back out here hopefully in a few months we will definitely return to saving for our children's future. As we don't know that they will want to attend college or what college if they do, we are looking into accounts that aren't college specific. We plan to have them finance as much of their education as they possibly can, including taking out loans and working part time. We won't let it get to their working full time or overloading themselves, but they don't need to know that just yet (they're only 5 and 7 and we don't actually have all the money saved yet!). However, once they graduate, our gift to them will hopefully be the receipt of their student loans, paid in full.

I was a trust fund kid until the money was absconded with, and while it was tough to finish it on my own (and I'm STILL paying 20 yrs later!), it really did teach me a lot to work while going to school. If our children choose not to go to college, then we'll discuss their plans. If they're valid - from travelling the world to an apprenticeship, etc., then the money they need for that will be available. Any remaining (or if they're great idea is to live on the beach as a trust fund kid resulting in zero dispursement) will be given to them at their 25th birthday for them to use as they see fit. We'll encourage that to be investing in a house, using part to pay for a wedding, purchasing a good vehicle, etc. This is a pretty high priority for us.
post #87 of 324
We are not in the position to be saving, unfortunately, but we definitely plan to help DSD out with college costs one semester at a time.

My parents paid for my education, and I am eternally grateful. I can't be a teacher without a degree. In fact, there are many things one can't be without a degree, and like it or not, it opens many doors into many fields. I would like DSD to have those opportunities, if she wants them.

The fact that my parents paid for me DID NOT mean:

* that I took it lightly (I am very appreciative, and tell them so to this day)
* that I failed classes (graduated on time with good grades)
* that I goofed around (I always worked. I worked three jobs my senior year, including a FT job in the field)



The fact that my parents DID pay for me, translated into:

* no loans to pay off :
* I've been working in the field I LOVE ever since graduation
* out of 1,000 things I had to worry about during college (including just learning how to live on my own, paying my own bills, trying to work on a relationship with DP who has a kid, etc. etc. etc.), at least I never had to worry about about paying for classes
* I was able to look for jobs I loved, and was empowered to quit my job at the company that did not treat their employees as they should.
post #88 of 324
We went to see a financial advisor. She informed us that we need to save for our own retirement. I started very late. Basically, she put it as you can get loans for college, but not for retirement. We will have finally paid off our own student loans in time for our DS to go to college.
post #89 of 324
We are - we have 529s and a UGMA and Mutual Funds.

We will do what my parents did - we will pay by semester (food, lodging, school costs and tuition) based on the previous semester. If she fails she will have to pay for one semester to get back the payments from us.

The fear of having to find a job on top of all the work college was did make a difference to me, and having my parents pay did not spoil me or make me appreciate the importance of doing well any less.
post #90 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post
My parents paid for my education, and I am eternally grateful. I can't be a teacher without a degree. In fact, there are many things one can't be without a degree, and like it or not, it opens many doors into many fields. I would like DSD to have those opportunities, if she wants them.

The fact that my parents paid for me DID NOT mean:

* that I took it lightly (I am very appreciative, and tell them so to this day)
* that I failed classes (graduated on time with good grades)
* that I goofed around (I always worked. I worked three jobs my senior year, including a FT job in the field)



The fact that my parents DID pay for me, translated into:

* no loans to pay off :
* I've been working in the field I LOVE ever since graduation
* out of 1,000 things I had to worry about during college (including just learning how to live on my own, paying my own bills, trying to work on a relationship with DP who has a kid, etc. etc. etc.), at least I never had to worry about about paying for classes
* I was able to look for jobs I loved, and was empowered to quit my job at the company that did not treat their employees as they should.
: My parents worked very hard to put 4 kids each through 4 years of college, on the salary of a cop and a nurse. ALL 4 of us appreciated it, as the above poster did. We all graduated within 4 years, one was early even, we all worked, I took an RA job as a "behind" way to take part of the debt onto myself (since it meant my parents didn't have to pay for my room or food).

So- I fully intend to work my butt off to pay for as much of my kid's college as I can, if they have to take out loans, I will work to pay them off. I cannot guarantee that I will pull of what my parents did, I will have one more child than them, and I homeschool so I am not currently making any money to save for them part of dh's pay is saved for them though).

I do recognize that perhaps one or more of my children will not be as appreciative as my siblings and I are, in which case, I would certainly let them know that our financial help would stop.

FWIW- my parents did not buy a single one of us a car, or pay for our weddings, it was clear that their value was education first and foremost. Out of that, they got an engineer, a lawyer, a banker and a teacher that will NOT let them go into poverty as they age, their retirement will be set by having 4 children who love them and are in a financial position to support them as they age if they need it. This is not to say that they didn't save for their retirement (they did!), or that they in any way expect us to support them, but- we all will
post #91 of 324
Oh yes, of course we are.
Or rather, we are not saving spesifically for college, because here you can go to some colleges and even some unis for free, depending on what line you choose. So, we're saving for them, and plan on helping them through their entire education, whatever they choose it to be. We also have apartments that we own and rent out now, that will later be a place they can live when they are old enough/want to move out and still in school, or just in the beggining of their career or whatever.
Their savings will also be to help them buy their own first apartment, and maybe also with drivers lisence and car if they want it. (Education being 1st priority, apt. 2nd and everything else 3rd.)
post #92 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint View Post
FWIW- my parents did not buy a single one of us a car, or pay for our weddings, it was clear that their value was education first and foremost. Out of that, they got an engineer, a lawyer, a banker and a teacher that will NOT let them go into poverty as they age, their retirement will be set by having 4 children who love them and are in a financial position to support them as they age if they need it. This is not to say that they didn't save for their retirement (they did!), or that they in any way expect us to support them, but- we all will
You and your siblings are awesome!!!
post #93 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by shayinme View Post
I think your son is only a year younger than mine but are you saying at 18, he would basically be on his own? Just a honest question because that's how my parents were and beleive me I so wish that they had not. At 18 I had no skills so as a woman I fell back on getting married and it was a lousy choice. Maybe that is why I feel adamant about helping my own kid because while I may not have known exactly what I wanted to do at 18, in the end what I did when I grew up wasn't that far off the mark from when I was 18. Instead I got a degree at 28 after years of crap jobs and raising a kid.
At 18, I was expected to go to school or get a job. I chose to get a job, because even thinking about more school made me depressed. (Actually, that's not true - I ended up doing a year of community college, to learn some basic office skills, because I'd blown my five years of high school on academic crap I was never going to use for anything.) I spent the next 14 years supporting myself and my family, and now I'm home with my kids. I'd have rather skipped the 14 years of financial "independence", but that's how things worked out. Going to college wouldn't have been any improvement, because my biggest mistake was my ex, and that's what cost me. I'd have owned a home at about 22, if I hadn't married him. We live and learn.

Yeah - ds1 will be mostly on his own at 18. He can live here free if he's going to school. We'll help out if he needs it, and if we can. But, I see no way in which it's my responsibility to pay for his choices. At 18, he's almost an adult in all respects. This is his life, not mine.

Quote:
In the US unless a kid is over 22 or 23 I beleive (not sure of exact age) they are still considered a dependent when it comes to college. If you are married or have a kid, then you are seen as independent.
That's absolutely screwed up. I guess it doesn't surprise me that much, considering how widespread the belief that a person's college education is the responsibility of their parents seems to be. I just don't see it that way.
post #94 of 324
We're not saving for college. I don't think college should be seen as something necessary. I don't think pushing kids into doing it right after high school is a good idea. I didn't go to college. My husband didn't go to college. We're well off and happy.

I will definitely let them live at home while they're in school if they want to.
post #95 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndrewsMother View Post
I love learning, and I hope to instill that in my son.
I loved learning, too. My mom instilled that in me - the educational system largely killed it. Learning and formal education are not the same thing.

Quote:
While I want for my son to choose his own career I hope and pray that he completes a professional degree. A trade is not an option that I want to even consider.
Why? As the daughter of a furniture mover, I find this sentiment off-putting and snobbish to an appalling degree. FWIW, my dad, despite a lot of other problems in his life, took more satisfaction in his work than 90% of the people I've met in my life...even those with degrees.

Quote:
I don't want for DS to have to put limits on what he does in life because he does not earn an adequate salary or because he does not have an excellent education.
But, what if what he wants in life doesn't involve an "excellent education"? Why should he be limited to what you want for him, instead of what he wants for himself?

Quote:
My DH's mom was done at 18, and I know that this has had a profound effect on his lack of education. My mother never contributed towards my education and it has taken me too long to get to the point where I am now.

I don't understand the logic that a parents job ends at 18, especially when I have seen some of the same posters mention that at 18 one is unable to comprehend the responsibility that come with student loans. How can the same 18 year old be expected to pay for their own education?
If ds1 can't comprehend the responsibility that comes with student loans, then I find it highly unlikely he'll comprehend the responsibility that comes with spending our hard-earned money, either. If he's not ready to take responsibility for his financial situation, then I think he should consider working full-time for a year or two, and finding out what that's like, before he starts college or whatever.

FWIW, my mom had the same viewpoint that I do. Since she was in a financial situation to help out, at least to some extent, she would have done so if that's what I wanted. Since I didn't, it didn't matter. She did give me a heck of a deal on room and board for five years, though...so when I moved out, I had a nice little nest egg in the bank. If I hadn't married my ex, I'd have owned a home (probably just an apartment) within a year.

In any case, I don't believe I have a responsibility to finance everything ds1 wants now. (We certainly couldn't afford the language department field trip to Greece, for example, even thought it would have been a wonderful experience for him.) I don't see why I should suddenly have to do that, just because he's decided that what he wants is a college education.
post #96 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndrewsMother View Post
I guess that it would depend upon my definition of a good life. I know people who think that they have a good life, but I would NOT want to be in their position.
Okay - but the only definition of a good life that matters is the definition of the person whose life it is. So, you may know lots of people without degrees who still have good lives. I have a great life in many respects - the only parts that aren't great are related to birth trauma, reproductive issues and my son being stillborn...and having a degree wouldn't have changed either of those things.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AndrewsMother View Post
I don't know anyone with a degree who does not have a stable well paying job.
I know several. DH also has a stable, well paying job, and he doesn't have a degree.

Quote:
That is the benefit of a BA/BS, options.
Yes, but again...the option of not spending 4-5 years in college is also worth considering. For some people, the idea of going to college is exciting, positive, etc. For me, and others I know, the idea of going to college was horrible. Everybody assumed I'd go, because I was the smartest kid in my class and all that - and I can't think of anything I wanted less than to go to college or university. (FWIW, I also know quite a few people who have degrees, who feel that they're pointless hoop-jumping, and way over-rated.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aufilia View Post
However, college tuition rates are rising much faster than inflation. I do not think our children will be fortunate enough to live in a time when they can afford to pay their way through college in a reasonable time-period, or when we can give them sufficient help, or when they can likely find a well-paid job without a degree.
If the forecasted hikes in tuition end up being as bad as people say they will be, I can't see most families being able to save enough to make a difference, anyway.

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I do NOT want my kids to have to go into debt by taking out college loans.
And, this is one of the places where differing viewpoints enter the picture. DS1 doesn't have to go into debt, because he doesn't have to go to college.

Quote:
Originally Posted by triscuitsmom View Post
If your parents can't or won't help you at all with school it can close doors to have their income disqualify you from aid.
Yeah - that's crazy.

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Really? Is this different in the US vs Canada? Because I am in the right age bracket to know numerous people who have graduated with degrees in recent years and are working at McDonalds or doing other minimum wage work if any work at all. I know many many more that have a degree and a job but the job is not at all in their field (and many of them it is not at all what they would actually enjoy doing).
Yeah. I've certainly seen that happen quite a few times. It's kind of scary.
post #97 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoundAbout View Post
Well I was there, and let me say that being hungry and stressing about how to pay for tuition every quarter *was* indeed a distraction. My grades were lower because of this and because I had to try to get through a very demanding engineering curriculum while holding down jobs (most of which were not relevant to my degree).

Now I did also have many relevant jobs through our departments engineering co-op program. So did almost all of the students whose parents helped them financially. The difference is that they got to be picky and only take the best offers, work interesting internships out of state, etc. because they could afford to.

I don't regret my experience, but I would have had much better opportunities for graduate school, and for employment with just a little bit of help. I intend to provide that for my son.
That's too bad. I'm sorry you had such a tough time.

What I said still stand, though. I know employers - several of them - who would hire you before they'd hire someone without the same job experience. It has nothing to do with whether the jobs were relevant to your field, or even whether you managed to keep the top grades you might have otherwise (it's a no-brainer that someone who can spend all their spare time studying, and doesn't have to fit it in after work is more likely to do well, all other things being equal). It has to do with knowing that you can juggle/balance the various parts of your life.
post #98 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint View Post
FWIW- my parents did not buy a single one of us a car, or pay for our weddings, it was clear that their value was education first and foremost. Out of that, they got an engineer, a lawyer, a banker and a teacher...
You know...that's great, but...what if education hadn't been the priority for you? What if one of you wanted to buy a house and get married, and raise kids, without going to school first (or at all)? Would they have had any help?

Let me just say that the only one of those careers that doesn't make me want to pull my hair out to even consider is engineering...and it's nowhere near attractive enough to make four years of hell worth it.
post #99 of 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndrewsMother View Post
You and your siblings are awesome!!!
Oh, what a nice thing to say. To be fair though, my parents were really good parents. They weren't AP or GD or any of that, but- they did the very best they could and loved and supported us always. We all appreciate what they did for us, and are still close to them today (emotionally if not all of us geographically). We were very blessed, and we know it.
post #100 of 324
The kids can potentially get loans for college.

There are no loans for retirement.

That pretty much sums it up. We're saving for retirement as we can (in 401k and elsewhere), and if we have enough we'll help out the kids. We'll see.

Sure, my dad had "college funds" for my sister and I, but where did it get us?
I had 3 part time jobs and really crappy grades because of the abusive idiot I was engaged to (someone had to buy groceries and clean the house and all), and ended up getting a job in a completely different field before becoming a sahm, my sister got a masters in Italian and is a secretary. Maybe parental guidance has a lot to do with it, but still. I doubt we would've taken it for granted as much if we'd had to work for every single penny (or we just wouldn't have gone).
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