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Questions for those with more than 2 kiddos  

post #1 of 20
1/21/04 at 2:55pm
Thread Starter 
My dh and I keep going back and forth on what the "best" size is for our family. I would really love to have 1-2 more children. DH thinks a big family would be wonderful, if we just had more money.

I guess I'm wondering what your experiences have been. Has it been ok spreading the money you do have around to more children? Have you ever wished you had the money to let them do more activities or have more experiences? What are your thoughts regarding your ability to help financially with college or with a trade apprenticeship? What are the hurdles and blessings of a larger family? I am grateful for any insights and thoughts.
post #2 of 20
1/21/04 at 4:15pm
We have three children and I am glad! Sometimes I remember what it was like spreading my time and attention between only 2 and I feel stretched but as I can't imagine the world without my little one I don't dwell on it.

Yes, activities can be expensive, although equipment can usually be passed down and that lowers the cost - I divide the cost of many purchases by 3. The fun end energy of our family is irreplaceable - the kids get along really well for the most part and it can be a lot of fun to share new experiences with a bigger group of people. We put aside a little money each month towards their tuition but I have no expectations that we will cover the entire cost for them. We can't afford to offer them all that we might be able to offer an only child, but that isn't important to me. They still have so much more than most of the children in this planet. I firmly believe that money or the number of activities they are exposed to have no correlation to the quality of life they have or the kind of adults they will grow into. Those things can really enhance someone's life - I can think of several examples - and on the other hand some of the happiest and best people I know grew up in great poverty and some of the most unpleasant, narrow-minded selfish people I know grew up having it all.

It all comes down to love - having the children your heart longs for and loving them and yourselves well.
post #3 of 20
1/21/04 at 6:12pm
Where extra money would be nice, I don't see what money has to do with more children. I guess because our insurnace pays for the child, and we use hand-me-downs. I have only bought 1 thing for this new baby so far clothes wise. I have been buying diapers for almost 9 yrs now, so that is already in the budget.

But, as they get older...like teenagers (yes, I have one!)... that is where you go broke. Yikes! I am going to have 4 at once! Check back in 10 yrs, and I will let you know how 4 teenagers are breaking me. LOL!!!!
post #4 of 20
1/21/04 at 6:47pm
I have 3 & financially I don't think we could handle more. At least, not to my standards. I do know someone that has 4. Her dd is in high school & a lot of money goes towards her choir participation. She recently told me that 2 of her boys want to play soccer but there isn't enough $$ for any more extracurricular activities until after her dd graduates this year. I guess it just depends on what your resources are & what your expectations are. Even in elementary school the cost adds up-- glasses, orthodontist, Cub Scouts...and since we have twins, there's no break in between each child, it's always double. Plus if I had any more I'd have to have a different car which I'd hate because mine's payed off.
post #5 of 20
1/21/04 at 6:56pm
I have three, and I love that size... I have two boys and one girl, and I save everything...so my youngest ds wears alot of the clothes his brother wore...activities can add up, but they are still important, so each time the kids request to participate in something new, they have to be sure..visit a couple classes..and they cannot quit halfway through. My daughter wins hands down for most money spent on acitivities, because she is on a competition dance team, but she also sacrifices a lot for it, so it is worth the sacrifice we make as well....she wants to be a dancer, and the money we spend now might mean a scholarship later on. Don't let money be the deciding factor to extending your family...because where there's a will, there's a way. I know a family of 5 kids where the mom stays home, yet the kids are well-dressed and in activities..she works out unique ways to pay for things, like works in the office at the dancing school part time in exchange for low-cost tuition, and coaches soccer. They buy their clothes at consignment and shop wholesale alot. It can work..and it is priceless for the unique little people you have in your world.
post #6 of 20
1/21/04 at 7:08pm
We have four, and I'm sure we could "afford" more (if only I could talk DH into it ). We aren't well off, but the kids each participate in activities and we have what we need. We've had to make lots of sacrifices over the years, but we've never lived in poverty. We manage to put away $$$ for retirement and to have some extras now and then. The thing DH worries about most is college $$$ - I have yet to convince him that we are not obligated to provide ALL the money for the kids' college tuition. I mean, it took each of us 10 years to pay off our student loans, but we did it ourselves!

I have a friend who is a SAHM with six kids (and one stepkid). They make less $$$ than we do, and they are talking about having another.

You can manage...you just have to be creative and willing to sacrifice some things.
post #7 of 20
1/21/04 at 7:10pm
Ummm, well, we're going to have five all together and well, while we are financially strapped, nothing beats watching your kids play together, fight together and band together against adversity. Sure we're broke constantly, but life isn't about money, it's about memories and how you live it. As my aunt told me about her growing up, "We didn't have much, but what we did have, we appreciated. We never felt we weren't loved. Quite the opposite!"
Just my humble and crazy opinion, tho...

Good luck!
post #8 of 20
1/21/04 at 7:23pm
We have four and we feel our family is complete but not for financial reasons. For us it's about time and being able to give of ourselves to each child and spend quality time with each of them. Even if we won the lottery we wouldn't have more children. I think the cost of having a family is what you make it. The first few years are incredibly cheap breastfeeding and using cloth diapers. I get's more expensive when they start playing sports and caring about their clothes

Keri
post #9 of 20
1/21/04 at 8:08pm
We have four children, and yes, a large family is a heavy drag on our budget. That doesn't mean I regret my large family though! By living in a city with excellent public schools, my children get for free some of the activities that other parents pay through the nose for. Our college plan? Simple. We live in Charlottesville, VA and can send our kids to the University of Virginia for in-state tuition and no room & board costs (b/c they can commute from home.)

Sometimes I feel like a travelling circus, but mostly having a big brood of kids is wonderful.
post #10 of 20
1/22/04 at 11:21am
Thread Starter 
I really appreaciate all of your replies. Your posts have helped me see our family size questions in new light. I am reassured that our family could grow and we would be fine, streached at times, but fine.

So am I destined to drive a mini van...we'll see

Thanks again!
post #11 of 20
1/22/04 at 12:01pm
Quote:
Originally posted by grian
So am I destined to drive a mini van...we'll see
NEVER did I imagine that I would ever drive a minivan, but for the last year and a half, I have tooled around in a (11-yr old - one of those "sacrifices I mentioned) Dodge Caravan - and I'm even beginning to enjoy it! :LOL
post #12 of 20
1/22/04 at 2:42pm
My 1989 Volvo 240 wagon seats 7. No need for a minivan here.
post #13 of 20
1/22/04 at 3:44pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by daylily
My 1989 Volvo 240 wagon seats 7. No need for a minivan here.
much more my style...thanks for the tip.
post #14 of 20
1/22/04 at 5:48pm
Moving over to Parenting Issues.
post #15 of 20
1/22/04 at 9:00pm
I have eight children and, yes, the finances can get crazy but G-d has always provied for our family (and we work hard, too)

We just need to think about how we're going to afford things.

For example, we're going on a weekend ski trip with the karate club (which, BTW, we're involved in as a family and pay a family rate, yeah) but I have five children at home and there was an adult rate plus a much reduced children rate for the lodge but multiplied by seven that's a lot plus the food and the bedding and the skis and snowboards and boots for seven people. I just loaded up the turtle before getting on the computer and, trust me, it was a challenge!!!

Um....it wouldn't have made it into the Volvo wagon, either it is a
GMC Safari with a turtle on the roof rack (Ug! almost as bad as the huge station wagon with the fake wood sides!!)

Getting lift tickets for this family is going to put the mastercard into convulsions, too , but we seriously form our own social group (dd2 and her dh are meeting us up there because they're in the karate club, too) I'm so glad we have one another and my children are one another's best friends. When DH and I are dead and gone they will continue to have one another and nothing material is close to that wonderful.

DB
post #16 of 20
1/22/04 at 10:39pm
What a lovely thread!
post #17 of 20
1/22/04 at 11:36pm
We are done because dh thinks we just can't afford another oine but the truth of the matter is that he doesn't want to give up his luxuries so that we can have another one. It makes me sad I would have loved to have 4 kids but what can a girl do. I htink we get along fine financially. The only place we really have problems id with activities. The girls have just gotten involved in Tae Kwon Do because we get a huge discount ($60 a month for the both of them, 3 days a week, plus belt test, sleep overs, and uniforms but the uniforms wil at least pass down). It does suck not to be able to give them the things I would like but we manage. i am a super shopper and can get a lot for less. it is just a matter of being creative and persistant and making the most of what you have.

I have three by the way.
post #18 of 20
1/27/05 at 12:37am
Quote:
Originally Posted by daylily
We have four children, and yes, a large family is a heavy drag on our budget. That doesn't mean I regret my large family though! By living in a city with excellent public schools, my children get for free some of the activities that other parents pay through the nose for. Our college plan? Simple. We live in Charlottesville, VA and can send our kids to the University of Virginia for in-state tuition and no room & board costs (b/c they can commute from home.)

Sometimes I feel like a travelling circus, but mostly having a big brood of kids is wonderful.
I agree with this 100%...we know people that have their kids enrolled in 10 things that they PAY FOR..we don't do it...our kids also do things at the school that is free...and we make them choose 1 (sometimes 2) things to do a week..we just feel that family time is important..we also do things through the YMCA which is really cheap and then hubby helps so we are all involved....when they are babies......the clothes come from really nice second hand stores here....we had nothing for our third baby (our son) all of his things came 2nd hand..NICE STUFF..and NAME BRANDS....we are huge bargain shoppers.......but I have a question or ten.....
My story is like this..i'll make it short....but I believe it's on this same "thread line"..I married very young and made a very bad mistake by marrying..I had my son 13 and daughter 9..after counseling, a divorce and a college degree field in psychology I learned that I had my other two children not because I LOVED my husband but for survival..(does this make sense? I was SO depressed..I NEEDED THEM..I needed a purpose)....now that I am married to my DH and fell in love....(we have been married 5 years) we had our son....I FINALLY grew up and realized what motherhood and having babies was all about.....seeing your love with someone else GROW and BLOOM and create someone unique.....the thing is..I am so torn about having one more.....DH begs, his family is in Italy and he feels totally alone...he also has a daughter from a previous marriage that much to our sadness we do not see very often. I feel very apprehensive about 4..I think I worry about what other people will say...I also feel that I am pushing the hand of G-D about asking for one more healthy baby, I am 34....am I too old? Too tired? I love my babies..and that's simply IT...I love them when they are small (older too..but I don't feel like I am as GOOD of a parent when they are older)..as they get older I think they are more WORK.....(does anyone else share this opinion?).....I worry about quality time...I am a SAHM for the first time I can NURSE and do things I always wanted to do with my baby..my DH is awesome, he is a helper...we share the load at night time, he gives the little guy his bath every night, he takes him outside, he helps with everything..and sometimes I feel guilty because I'm here all day.... (although college is an issue and I agree with another thread, I paid for my college myself and my parents could afford that also, but I appreciated it more paying on my own..and i'm STILL PAYING!)I just worry!!!! ..what if it would be TWINS? Or unhealthy?, what if he or she would be a difficult baby, does the 4th create so much more strain than 3?.....(my son is 2 1/2)....I also thought I was DONE after the third, I was working for a bank then....i gave EVERYTHING AWAY.......ugh!!!?..Some advice for me would be helpful! I would love to hear from you moms.
BTW...I drive a minivan....and LOVE IT!
post #19 of 20
1/27/05 at 10:10am
I can't really give you advice on such a personal issue. I believe both parents should ideally want the children they bring into this world.

If you're feeling unsure about having another baby I don't think it's fair for your dh to pressure you.

DB
post #20 of 20
1/27/05 at 3:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabbi
..I also feel that I am pushing the hand of G-D about asking for one more healthy baby, I am 34....am I too old? Too tired?

BTW...I drive a minivan....and LOVE IT!
i had three healthy children at 35, 37 and 41 and i have TONS of energy AND i drive a minivan.

PS i am *almost* 43 so i have a very active 18 month old.
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