Dd being mean to ds for fun..What to do?!

[Ligeia]

Dd will be three next month and ds is 10 mo. Up until now, she has just been in love with him but recently, she started hitting him, knocking him over, pulling his hair, etc. She'll do this thing where she runs past him, does something like smack him in the head and then runs back by and tries to do it over and over. I have tried ignoring it, ignoring her and giving attention to the wounded, firmly telling her its not ok, removing her or me and brother from the situation...Nothing seems to work. Ignoring her/giving him attention doesn't seem to affect her at all. It doesn't seem to be overstimulation as it just comes out of nowhere, random times of day, all day long. If I remove her from the area, she gets all upset because she 'doesn't want to be by herself'. I just have no idea what else to do...Any further ideas?

[Just Elsa]

Originally Posted by Ligeia

If I remove her from the area, she gets all upset because she 'doesn't want to be by herself'. I just have no idea what else to do...Any further ideas?

Well, maybe being upset is okay. What she wants is to hurt the baby and not have any sort of consequence, so maybe what she wants doesn't get to rule this time. Help her see the connection between abusive behavior and being isolated. I'd keep removing her from the area. Three is old enough to know you don't hit babies.

[sparklefairy]

Originally Posted by Ligeia

Dd will be three next month and ds is 10 mo. Up until now, she has just been in love with him but recently, she started hitting him, knocking him over, pulling his hair, etc. She'll do this thing where she runs past him, does something like smack him in the head and then runs back by and tries to do it over and over. I have tried ignoring it, ignoring her and giving attention to the wounded, firmly telling her its not ok, removing her or me and brother from the situation...Nothing seems to work. Ignoring her/giving him attention doesn't seem to affect her at all. It doesn't seem to be overstimulation as it just comes out of nowhere, random times of day, all day long. If I remove her from the area, she gets all upset because she 'doesn't want to be by herself'. I just have no idea what else to do...Any further ideas?

My kids' relationship changed when the younger got mobile.

I might say something like, "Choosing to be with people means that you're choosing to treat them gently."

Sometimes I would see that boredom or just plain "being done playing together" was beginning to settle in and declare a "quiet time alone" interlude, but my kids were older so I don't know how well if might have worked when they were that small. The theory was that they needed to have modeled recognizing that their social banks were full and they needed to decompress (a couple of us are somewhat introverted and it does help!)

[Ligeia]

Originally Posted by Just Elsa

Well, maybe being upset is okay. What she wants is to hurt the baby and not have any sort of consequence, so maybe what she wants doesn't get to rule this time. Help her see the connection between abusive behavior and being isolated. I'd keep removing her from the area. Three is old enough to know you don't hit babies.

I don't really know how to 'remove her from the area if it is against her will. I am not going to lock her in another room or something. I usually take her into another room, tell her it's not ok and to rejoin us when she can calm down but it just doesn't work. She doesn't stay to get her quiet time, she just follows me back in. I have started recently picking up ds and locking him in the other room with me for a minute until she calms down while dh is out there with her but I don't like this either. It works sometimes, not always. I feel like dd needs me and I should not have to go and hide.
No more ideas?

[bendingbirch]

I don't know how you feel about slings, but at those ages, (although mine were a bit further apart) I typically had one in a sling to separate them unless i could be right there down on the floor with them to really supervise. I also tried to really involve the older one in whatever work I was doing as my helper and kept a sharp eye on her....
The other thing I thought of is the typical sort of thing, how much physical aggression/energy is your oldest one getting out during the day? Long walks, physical work, pushing, pulling, lugging, tugging --- I remember essentially living outside during the years of 3 and 4 with my oldest who had a lot of energy. Does your oldest get any alone time with you at all without the baby? Does she help do anything for the baby gently, like help with bath or something else where she has an opportunity to treat the baby gently?
I agree, the sibling relationship totally changes once the younger siblings are mobile....