consequence for not picking up the toys - Page 3

[BetsyNY]

::

GuildJenn, every time you post I fall a little bit more in love with you.

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by jackson'smama

my latest idea is to have the rule that if i have to pick it up alone and he is able to help or do it himself then the toys go into timeout.
my questions are:
1) is this just totally wrong of me to do? if so, tell me why and offer alternatives
2) if it's ok, then how does he actually get the toy back - time period? doing something specific? what?

I've tried this before. It did NOT accomplish what I wanted it to accomplish though. What I *wanted* to happen was for him to pick up after himself (with my help if it was a lot of work, but for him to at least to a big share of it). What happened was that he would pick up the stuff he wanted to keep out, then leave the rest for me to "put up high."
He was being totally matter-of-fact. He wasn't being defiant or anything like that at all. It just made sense to him- if he doesn't care if he has it for a few days (or whatever), then he may as well let me put it up high. lol.

So I had to change it and just say that he has to pick up his stuff, period. What we've found works best is to tell him that he has to pick up his stuff, they are his toys, etc. I do emphasize that we are a family and work together, and that dp or I will help if he needs/wants help. Then I try to figure out what help he needs, or give him small specific directions "ok, pick up all the cars" etc.

When I get excuses, I pretty much give him a look that says that I'm not interested in hearing it AT ALL. lol.

eta- I wanted to say that I think the toys going "up high" isn't bad if it's not done in a punitive way. I did it more like "there are so many toys that they are too hard for you to pick up" and "if I'm putting them away, I'm doing what's easiest for me".
So I don't really think it's a bad thing. I just think it's not teaching what we REALLY want them to learn, kwim?

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by BetsyNY

::

GuildJenn, every time you post I fall a little bit more in love with you.

Aw thank you!

[amma_mama]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

I guess I'm a maverick.

We have toys in pretty much every room. I strongly feel that this is my son's home as well as mine and that his "stuff" is every bit as important and beautiful as my stuff. Perhaps more so since my brain is not soaking everything in all the time.

So we don't have a rule that toys have to be removed from the living room or whatever. There are places for the toys in each room. He does have a big train set up in the living room and as long as the trains are on the tracks or in the basket, that's considered tidied up. It would be a LOT of work for him to recreate that each time.

We pretty much have the rhythm thing going on with chores – my son helps with the dishes, wiping out the sink and bathtub (just with water), dusting, mopping, laundry, meal preparation, window washing, and yardwork. In other words a lot of the time he just works beside me (in between bouts of play).

So the same goes with tidying up – when it's tidying up time we do that together too.

We do rotate toys because we don't have infinite "out" space for them, but I don't really believe in the idea that if he isn't willing to tidy up some days that means he has too many toys. I believe it either means he's overwhelmed and needs a hand, or it means he's had a lot of demands on him lately and that's why he's digging his heels in.

Now, if there are a lot of toys with no home or our bins are full, that means too many toys.

But I have to say the biggest factor is that we tidy up together. I never tell him to "go tidy up your toys" because my feeling is that he's just not quite ready for that yet. (He's almost 4.) He does spontaneously tidy his own toys up about oh, 10 per cent of the time or so, and that's great.

I basically don't believe my need for a tidy home trumps his need for toys... yes we both need to clean up, but I would be so mad if I left fabric out and my husband said I had too many crafts and threw it out, or whatever.

I agree with GuildJenn. We have created space in each room for a certain amount of toys and they mostly stay in those rooms (by her choice)...the only things that usually "travel" around are books. All our spaces are for living, which includes play. We do keep it all as tidy as possible so that we can put it out of the way if guests come, so taht our formal living room is, well, formal.

There are bins, boxes and shelves for each set of toys. Since DD was a very young toddler (she's now 4.5yo), we do, however, have a general rule that we clean up one mess of toys before taking out the next set. Sometimes it is playful parenting, other times it is just me reminding her that we can start X as soon as we finish cleaning up (and it is usually "we")...if she balks, I reminder that it will take much longer if I have to do it all by myself (and I start doing it as slooowly as humanly possible...that usually gets her moving and she then often turns it into a game herself. School has, of course, helped the cause as they have cleanup time there as well, so it has become routine for her...mostly.