how to handle the CONSTANT chatter?

[artgirl]

I know this seems like a minor problem but I could use some insight. My 4-y.o. ds talks ALL THE TIME. He interrupts people, he asks never-ending questions and sometimes likes to argue just to talk. Most of the time I can deal with is. But there are times, like when I'm trying to talk to someone else, or when I'm trying to do 4 things at once, the baby is crying, I'm trying to make a grocery list, etc. when I just want him to STOP.
Sometimes I ask him nicely if he could be quiet for a minute. That works about 20% of the time... and literally for a minute. He can't even finish lunch because he's talking. After awhile I want to plug my ears and run away screaming. I can't even have a thought of my own inside my head with all the chatter that I'm constantly processing/answering. What would you do? I want him to know that I like his interest in the world around him, I think he's fascinating, he makes great observations but sometimes... quiet is a good thing. Help.

[tarajean56]

Oh, I can so relate. I was just thinking this same thing tonight. My 2.5 yo DS also talks ALL.THE.TIME. Like you, I love it sometimes, as he's really bright and interesting. Sometimes though, I just want to lose it!! I felt badly because tonight I was so happy to put him to bed so I could have a break from his talking.

One thing I do lately is say something like, "E, mommy is feeling tired (frustrated, really hungry, etc.) and I need to not have to answer you. I'm going to not listen for a few minutes, ok?" I felt kind of rude at first, but its better than me getting frustrated and yelling - which is what I've done before. Usually he'll say, "ok, I'll just go talk to myself for a little bit." Which makes me laugh, because he loves talking so much - he's even happy to do it by himself. And he will do it - he'll go and keep on chattering all by himself

[MammaV]

I think that children can learn when quiet is appropriate - when you're on the phone, when you're in conversation with another adult or when you need some quiet. I have two chatter bugs and one who just constantly makes noise for the joy of making noise. I request that they are quiet for a time, especially when they're all going at once in the car! We will put on some music and practice listening!

[OGirlieMama]

I wish I knew. My 3.5-year-olds are constantly chattering - either at me, or with each other. It's a wonder my ears aren't bleeding most days. I love it, but it overwhelms!

[Breeder]

I too have a chatterbox. My mother says "what goes around comes around", as I used to talk her ear off as a child.

We have found that books are a sure fire way to silence our boy. Especially comic books. There is a lovely little one called Owly that is sweet, age appropriate for your little one and has no words. Here is an excerpt

[guestmama9972]

My girls talk a lot. Sometimes it is all I can do not to go hide in a closet with earplugs to have a respite from the noise. I truly understand how it is hard to handle.

For the car we listen to books on CD from the library. They love this! At home I try and stay engaged with them, but there are times when I will say something like, "I know you want to talk, but I need some quiet time right now. If you need to, you may go in another room to make noise." This gets me about 5 or 10 minutes to recharge. I don't do it often so I get taken seriously when I ask.

[mum21andtwins]

earplugs and a sign that says out of comission


no that didn't work either sure confused my husband when he came home thoughI don't know if there was a pill to stop him from talking every once in awhile I think I would buy it

[krystyn33]

Originally Posted by Miss Blue

I try and stay engaged with them, but there are times when I will say something like, "I know you want to talk, but I need some quiet time right now. If you need to, you may go in another room to make noise." This gets me about 5 or 10 minutes to recharge. I don't do it often so I get taken seriously when I ask.

I like this. DS at 2.5 gives me a running commentary throughout the day. And yes, i mostly love it, but I know what you mean! And like some PP I was a chatterbox myself--still can be, although I do need down time and quiet to recharge.

Of course it is appropriate to explain manners in terms of interrupting other people, and asserting your need for a break is another way to work on respecting the needs of others.

[earthus76]

We have played "sleeping beauty" - a game in which everyone must be quiet. Whoever is quiet the longest "wins." Its great for the car and my dd always thought it was fun...

[bendingbirch]

I think chatters need lots of help with doing something physical while they chatter - peeling carrots, rolling a ball of yarn - really get the physical out. I think they also need well-established times of rest/quiet interspersed with that physical activity. And less talking from us all the way around, LOL. It can be hard not to respond to a chatterer, can't it?

Donna Simmons of Christopherus Homeschool wrote a really interesting post about chatterers here: (called "Little Ones Who Chatter"):
http://christopherushomeschool.typep...ones_who_.html

[mama_mojo]

I sing. It creates a little bubble around me, it entertains my chatterer, and it is the only activity I can do that she does not interrupt; she feels my love in my voice and does not need to constantly solicit it.

Funny story- I was singing in the car after 10 minutes of incessant talking, and she asked me to stop. I said, "I will stop making my noise if you will stop making yours." She agreed. Thirty seconds later, she said, "Mama, you go ahead and hum because I have some more stuff to say."

[GAjenn]

If a child wants to interupt while you are talking with another adult - my family has their children put their hand on Mom / Dad's elbow. At an appropriate time, the parent says excuse me then addresses the child. We are a big southern family of chatterboxes!!

The during the day part.. you may have to institue a quiet time, where they have to play quietly on their own for 10minutes or so to start out.

[JD5351]

Originally Posted by earthus76

We have played "sleeping beauty" - a game in which everyone must be quiet. Whoever is quiet the longest "wins." Its great for the car and my dd always thought it was fun...

We always did this as "The Mouse Game." You say, "1 2 3 Mouse!" and whoever makes a noise first loses....I don't know why it works, but it does. Only for a few minutes, but long enough to get a few seconds of quiet.

[Frida77]

OOhhhh I can so relate-- my 12 year old is still at it in full force. She talks nonstop from the time she gets home until she falls asleep at night. It is amazing. and yes, she has a hard time finishing meals because she talks o darn much. The singing idea is wonderful- ! I never thought of that one.

But for me, I have said that my listening muscles are tired out and need to rest. I tell that I love to hear what she has to say, and I need to wait until my muscles are rested up and ready to listen some more. This worked for us, when it was said very gently and lovingly. I was always coming from a place of never wanting to shut her down or make her feel unimportant because I feared that her teenage years would be here soon enough and I would begging her to fill me in on the nuances of her life.

Getting her her own keyboard with headphones was a life saver when she a lot younger-- she played music and got into her own head a while.. also a record player with kid's stories and music-- she would spend a lot of time doing that and it quieted her down.

But I really believe that Mamas need to keep sane for the benefit of the whole family, and if you can't listen anymore, than it is OK to curb your little talker in a gentle way.

[labdogs42]

I hear you! My 4 year old DS is a chatterer. The one thing I do to get him to stop talking when I'm on the phone is to hold up one finger to let him know that I hear him, but he needs to wait until I'm finished talking. I never actually told him what it meant, I just did it. I hold up the finger and keep talking to the person on the phone. He now knows that I won't talk to him while I have the finger raised. It works well. I'm starting to to it when I'm talking to my DH in the same room as DS. DS will interrupt and I'll put my index finger up and keep talking to DH. As soon as I finish my conversation, i turn my attention back to DS and he can talk my ear off again!

[alexsam]

What helped me was realising that often they want to talk, but don't really expect you to answer... or even really pay a whole lot of attention. So, I basically half-listen, give short responses or repeat the last few words he said... and go about my business. If it is a "real" conversation, you can tell the difference and we really talk. But if it is pre-school chatter, I kind of "go guy" and grunt when there is a pause and otherwise think and do my own thing.

[yitlan]

Originally Posted by tarajean56

One thing I do lately is say something like, "E, mommy is feeling tired (frustrated, really hungry, etc.) and I need to not have to answer you. I'm going to not listen for a few minutes, ok?"

My oldest used to talk as she fell asleep until she finally drifted off. My 2nd is now going nonstop. I do this a lot, too. Once she was going and going and going and I was wiped. She never paused so that I could hook back into what she was saying and I just had to say, "Wow! You have a lot to say but I just cannot hear you right now! Can you give me a break for a few minutes and then tell me this?" She said OK and I just walked away dazed.

This has always been a challenge for me because I have always valued my quiet time. At the end of the day I have a hard time really listening to my kids. Dh is pretty good at being able to figure that out and help me out.

[maryeb]

:

I'm sooo there too.

[Hokulele]

:

I've tried: "Mommy needs two minutes of quiet and then we can talk about anything you want"

That lasts about - oh, I don't know - 10 seconds. And then we are right back into the chatterchatterchatterchatter. I love the way her little brain works but oh WOW is it busy!

[peaceful_mama]

I've got two of them

yeah I love it and hate it. Especially when they seem to be fighting with one another just so they can both yakity yak at each other...I'm laughing as I type it picturing them.

I think I need to work on IGNORING some of it SOMEHOW. like when they are yakking to each other even if they are arguing a bit. As long as nobody is hurting anyone else, does it really matter if they are arguing over what something is called? (when they both know full welll what it is )

but ohhhh do I know the feeling of wishing they would just shut up for a minute......especially when they're arguing, or one is chattering just to hear themselves, one is demanding something, and the baby is crying.

This is one I REALLY need to work on, I'm stealing that "I need to not have to answer you now" thing.

I also COULD (but don't wnat to ) go put laundry away in my room or something when I am truly desparate for a few minutes where I don't have to know the answer to something RIGHT NOW.
And why I go nurse in private sometimes. Because I just CAN"T listen anymore!