What to do.

[Lovinmum]

My son is 20 months old and is very opinionated. He is generally really good. Sweet, well mannered, etc. The only thing is, when he doesn't get his way he throws himself down on the ground. Not a screaming thrashing tantrum, just throws himself down. Usually we either just let him lay there and explain "i'm sorry but.." kind of a thing or we just walk away. Sometimes he is just tired, sometimes he is just being a toddler.

Anyway, all that to say. Yesterday we were walking down a sidewalk and he was holding my hand and he wanted my keys but I told him no because I was going to need them. So, he started to throw himself down on the concrete and I tightened my grip so he wouldn't bang his head. When I did that though and he went limp, he pulled his elbow out of socket. Called nursemaids elbow. I feel like the absolute worst mommy ever! I know I didn't do it on purpose and I know he knows that but how can I teach him to stop throwing himself down like that?? Help!!

[madsommer]

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to give you a . DS is the exact same way and I'm really trying to find new ways to deal with it.

[kindchen]

Of course this wasn't your intention at all, but could he have "taught" himself with the experience yesterday that throwing himself on the ground can hurt? I really don't think you have to teach him not to do that, in the sense that it is a kind of self-limiting thing. (I totally get that you don't want him to hurt himself, but even if he fell from standing onto the concrete, he isn't going to be badly injured.)

That said, with my 23-month-old, distraction often works. So if she wanted my keys, I could say, "I need these to drive the car, but do you want your water?" If you somehow avoid actually saying no, would he react differently?

[ChinaDoll]

I think every toddler goes through that stage at some point. My DS did it a lot at that age, until one day he threw himself down on the ground outdoors, onto a big pine cone ... he jumped right up and stared wide-eyed at the offended pine cone, and then never did that again!

[bendingbirch]

I strongly encourage you to read The Gesell Institute's "Your Two Year Old" - this behavior of a 20 month old is completely normal. It really isn't opionated or not, it just is as they start coming into their own self-awareness and learning they are different than you and just seeing what that word does.... Limiting the environment, the routine, the opportunity for that huge "NO!" to come from him is important, as is the ability to stay calm when there is the big "NO!" Distraction is huge and a wonderful way to deal with some of these things, as is humor, and gently physically helping your child with what needs to happen. I have found in my own parenting less words works better, more songs, more thinking ahead of if I do/say this, how is my child likely to react kind of thing?

I had some notes in my files regarding the 18- 21 month old here, some of it may sound familiar

Age 18 months-Typically…
Negativism prevails – wants what he wants, when he wants it
Turns to mother when tired, unhappy
Likes to mimic household activities
Not interested in other children – to large extent ignores them or tries to explore them by poking their eyes, pulling hair
Can play alone
Temper tantrums
Nighttime waking appears with new stresses
Walking may still be a bit uncertain, loves to go up and down stairs, squat, climb into chairs or sofas
Will lug, tug, push, pull, pound things
May run away from parents in public places
Protests violently at separation from parents
Parallel play with peers
May see biting, hair pulling, scratching, hitting toward other people
Play is child’s most powerful way to learn

Age 21 months…Typically…
Can be one of the hardest ages – wants are more definite
May be height of wakefulness at night
Height of taking clothes off and running around naked
Still easily frustrated with lots of temper tantrums
Understand which objects belong to individual family members
Cares about “mine”
Knows where household items belong
Can solve some of their own problems themselves when playing


This information came primarily from the Gesell Institute books....
In fact, I am going to go post this on my blog right now if anyone needs it.
www.theparentingpassageway.com

And total HUGS about his arm, how distressing and upsetting! But, as you said, it was not intentional on anyone's part at all, and all you can do now is love him through it! Be easy with yourself, when they start asserting their own "I"-ness as it is, it can be difficult if you have not been through it before