i feel like a horrible mama.

[ice_queen]

My DD (two in a few weeks) just bit me REALLY hard this afternoon and I became a monster. I screamed in her face and forced her to sit in time out...I felt out of control and I am scared of myself. I am not this mom. I don't punish my child, I don't yell at her (often), I don't use time out, and I absolutely don't make her feel like a piece of crap for doing something many kids do that is a part of learning about being in the world.

After the whole episode I showed her the teeth marks and bruise on my arm and told her that it really hurt mama. I told her that if she bites me in the future, I am going to walk out of the room and take a minutes break from her until we are both cooled off and then we will talk about it. We spoke about how biting is NOT ok...


What should I have done? Why did I freak out? Have I ruined her forever? Is she going to be a violent person b/c I freaked out on her? Can I fix it? I feel like such a horrible mom.

[Cyllya]

There there. Your kid probably isn't ruined. Do you know any adults you think are pretty swell? Try to imagine how their parents treated them. Most of them were probably spanked on multiple occasions, so if this is your worst offense, your DD is ahead of the game.

I just wanted to put that out there. I don't feel qualified to answer the other questions.

[ChinaDoll]

all of us have lost it at times - I think if you apologize and explain that you shouldn't have done that and what you'll do next time, she can learn by your examples, good and bad.

[Manessa]

Sometimes we react in the moment. You were surprised, and it hurt! It's ok. The most important thing is to apologize for your reaction. The next she bites you (if she ever does), you will be prepared and react in a calmer way. Don't beat yourself up mama, no
one is perfect.

[holothuroidea]

Your children learn how to be human from you. Human beings sometimes react in ways that they wish they hadn't, sometimes we loose control. This is normal and natural. It happens to everyone.

Now the important thing is to teach her how to take responsibility, make amends and learn from your mistakes.

[teale]

Originally Posted by holothuroidea

Your children learn how to be human from you. Human beings sometimes react in ways that they wish they hadn't, sometimes we loose control. This is normal and natural. It happens to everyone.

Now the important thing is to teach her how to take responsibility, make amends and learn from your mistakes.

Agree with this wholeheartedly. The best thing you can do is let her know that your reaction was not appropriate, and that you are sorry for reacting like that, but having the conversation about why you reacted like that as well.

It sounds like you handled it well in the end. I've had a couple of those days where I feel like I'm about to lose it, and it's tough.

[junipermuse]

It sounds like she hurt you physically and emotionally. You reacted like a person who was hurt. Go back to her and tell her how hurt and angry you were. Apologize for losing your temper and say that in the future both of you will make better choices. I think there is something to be said for a child seeing our natural reactions to things. To some extent that's the natural consequence of their action, that mommy gets really upset. Next time you might want to try telling her (in a voice that conveys your true emotion without being too scary) "that really hurt and I'm feeling very angry, I'm going to go in my room for a few minutes to calm down, and then when come out we'll talk about what happened." Then do what you need to, to calm down. Scream into a pillow, stomp your feet, take some deep breaths, cry. Do whatever until you're calm enough. But seriously don't beat yourself up. There will always be times that our children do something that really sets us off. Now you know that biting is one of your triggers, so you can see it coming next time. We all do the best that we can with the resources we have at a given moment.

[ice_queen]

Thank you all so much. We talked for a long time last night after I cooled off. I told her that I never mean to hurt her, that I love her and it was really wrong for me to react the way I did. I told her that she is a good girl and deserves to not be treated that way and that I will do my best to honor her in the future. I am sure much of it went over her head, but I said my part and she seemed to get the gist of it.

Thank you all...I still feel so horrible...

[NiteNicole]

People don't like to be hurt. When you hurt someone, they often react strongly with words, with loud sound, and by not wanting to be around you. My daughter has never tried to bite, but she pinched me once and I reacted without thinking: OUCH! Get off of me! That HURTS. Don't DO that. She's never pinched me again. I also want HER to know that if someone hurts her, it's ok to say STOP and move away from them.

While you don't want to scare her half to death or hit her or anything, it is OK to react strongly and GENUINLEY when your child hits or bites you. Chances are, she won't really like it but that's life. Someone bites you, the consequences are probably going to be uncomfortable. I don't think things like "teeth are for eating" are really all that useful unless you just like repeating yourself.