I was advised to slap my daughters hand? What the heck?!

[gbailey]

How do you all discipline your toddlers? Our ped told us to start disciplining DD at 9 months with gentles no's etc. DD likes to slap my glasses off of my face. I gently tell her "no, sweetie. mama doesn't like that." and she laughs. She's 13 months now by the way. I was advised by a relative who witnessed this yesterday to "slap her hand. If you let her do this now she'll be hitting you all of her life." I told the relative to keep out of how I discipline my baby. DD has no idea that if the glasses break we can't afford to get another pair. Doesn't it make sense for me to just get contact lenses? I guess I'm looking for some confirmation that getting contacts is just the easiest thing to do. I don't believe in harsh discipline. She's not touching a hot stove. I don't believe, for my child, in spanking and hitting. It's something I prefer not to do.

[1littlebit]

my ds does that too. its drives me nuts. i tell him that i don't like it when he does that because mama needs her classes to see. he giggles gleefully. and i thought the same thing about contact lenses. when he tries to steal my glasses now i tell myself its really my fault because if i had one bit of common sense i would have gotten contacts already.

fwiw i might have told a nosy relative that she doesn't know better right now but if i start slapping her she may learn that hitting is what you do when someone does something you don't like. and then you'd have a really big problem.

[Cherry Alive]

What I've done with nosy relatives who give bad advice (and almost all unsolicited advice is bad) is make it clear that if they don't knock it off and respect my parenting choices that we don't need to keep company together. Then if they don't listen, I assertively tell them their advice is unwelcome, leave (or hang up the phone) and greatly lessen the amount of time we spend together. It's hard to do at first, but it works.

With your DD, have you tried finding ways to distract her away from your face? Also, when you say "no" do you put her down? Wearing contacts (if it's comfortable for you) sounds like a good idea.

[Bluegoat]

Babies seem to think the glasses thing is really funny. I don't think slapping is an answer, but I do try to sound very serious when I say NO, not all lovely dovey. Otherwise she seems to think it's all part of the fun.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

If you want contacts or the corrective surgery and can afford it (either you have the money or insurance will pay), that is as good a reason as any. DH has managed to go through 2 children and working with #3 with glasses. If they start messing with them, he gently removes their hands from his face area and stands up or puts the child down, telling them no, don't touch.

But, DH is always wearing glasses. They are a part of him. However, once, when I was wearing my reading glasses, DS came and kept snatching them from my face, resulting it their breaking. Since I rarely wear glasses, in his mind, I should not wear them.

[bethanyclaire]

I wouldn't slap her for touching my glasses, either... though I had relatives who suggested the same thing.

My DS went through a phase like that. The first time he touched them I gently moved his hand away and calmly but very firmly said "No" Then followed up with "Please don't touch mommy's glasses, I need them to help me see and I don't want them to get broken." If he touched them again then I put him down or stood up. Consistency was a BIG part of it. Every single time he touched them he got the same reaction from me. For my DS, even at 13 months, he was very receptive to explanations. I only had to do it a few times before he stopped touching them altogether.

[SandraS]

Wow... did you slap your relative? Obviously physical violence is okay with her!

Hitting is hitting. I dont' care what pretty word you attach to it. My husband isn't allowed to hit me, the same respect should be extended to my children.

I don't think there's ever a situation that warrants hitting - anybody.

My reading glasses have been replaced many times over the years. It is what it is, I try to keep them away, but don't often succeed.

JMO, of course.

[Mountaingirl79]

Yikes, I would think that slapping a child's hand would be more likely to lead to her slapping others. WE're supposed to teach them what to do and how to act. Slapping at them teaches them none of that, only that hitting IS acceptable.

I would keep saying " No" every time. It's a phase that doesn't last very long.

[annettemarie]

Moving to gentle discipline

[chfriend]

Welll....when dd1 was born I had short hair, wore earrings and necklaces daily and wore glasses.

My kids are now 8 and 4. I have long hair in a back braid, wear my wedding ring as my only jewlery most days and have contacts.

I just thought of it as baby proofing my face.

[MammaV]

Slapping her hand is not the answer! Both DH and I wear glasses. I tend to wear contacts fairly often though. All of my kids went through a stage of grabbing glasses off our faces. It's normal. We say, "Those are Mummy's glasses. I need them to see. Leave them on Mummy's face." It takes a while, but they eventually grow out of it. I also had play glasses for the kids. If they want yours so badly, give them some they can bend around and get all dirty. I found packs of sunglasses at the party supply store for pretty cheap and that way when one pair breaks, there are 5 in reserve. Both of the grandmas wear glasses too and have been subjected numerous times to having their glasses ripped off. Neither even dreamed of using physical violence to stop the kids.
Both DH and I get the glasses frames that withstand a bit more abuse too. DH wears glasses non-stop, never uses contacts and a good quality frame has been helpful.

[JamesMama]

I have to be VERY strict with my kids regarding my and DH's glasses. We do not have the money for contacts, we do not have the money to replace glasses. DH and I both require our glasses to do much of anything (restrictions on our license).

If DD goes near my glasses I grab her hands, put them down tell her NO!! Very firmly, then she gets off my lap and is not allowed up for a little bit.

If you want contacts and it's in the budget (every single year/six months from now until whenever) then by all means go for it!! For us we have to be VERY firm because we can't afford new (I've had these same glasses for almost 5 years, I'm hoping to get a new pair next year with our taxes but I don't know that that'll happen)

[Okapi]

Yeah, I vote for contacts, too, if that is reasonable for you (WRT finances/comfort). If it makes you feel any better, I do the same thing you said w/ my DD ("You need to be gentle w/ Mommy's glasses" type thing) and now at 18 mo., she is really good about only putting one finger on them if she wants to touch them. But for a while there, I did wear my contacts a lot more. Also, she definitely knows the difference between my glasses, which she cannot play with, and my FIL's, which she can (they are the springy type of frames, and are much harder for her to damage - another option you could look into if you don't like contacts).

And good for you for sticking up to your relative!

[gbailey]

Thanks for the great advice everyone. Normally contact lenses would not be in the budget but I was fortunate enough to get a focus group that will pay for them.

I also agree with the mom who said her husband isn't allowed to hit her so why should we hit our kids. My mother used to hit me for things when I was a kid and it made me frightened of her. I vowed to never do that to my child. So many things could have been dealt with if my mother spoke to me or took the time to explain why I shouldn't have done what I did.

[4inMyHeart3inArms]

a child who is hit for hitting is more likely to continue the process. I don't understand that line of thinking. I do know however, a person who pushed their mother down the stairs when she was a teenager. She was a child who was hit, not a child who was disciplineg gently, so oviously hitting does not teach non-hitting... though im not sure why anyone would even THINK it would.

we also have a no hitting rule in this house. no one is allowed to hit anyone. of course DH and I have adult self control and our children have, well, children self control. they are learning though, and one day they will be able to follow in their parents foot steps and obey the house rule more easily.

[OGirlieMama]

I'm pretty sure it was around that age that I put away my expensive Silhouette glasses because they were so fragile that I knew my kids would break them. I haven't found them since, and they are 3.5 years old now! So, if you do put away the glasses and go for contacts, make sure you put the glasses somewhere very obvious.