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S/O of the lying thread~ Santa and other cultural myths, who purposely doesn't do them? - Page 2

post #21 of 121
We don't do Santa. I don't mind reading stories about Santa and telling them that Santa is a pretend figure for Christmas, but we're not going to lie and say he's real. I believed in Santa as a kid, even got into arguments with other kids at school about it. I don't feel traumatised by my beliefs but I also don't think it's necessary.

I always knew it was my mom who filled our Easter baskets and never had a problem with it. We just gave my dad our teeth when they fell out and he'd hand us a dollar. No tooth fairy.

Pretending is great; I don't think it's necessary to lie and say Santa/unicorns/fairies are true. We pretend to be Sonic the Hedgehog all the time. Alexander knows he isn't real. It doesn't make the games less fun.
post #22 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daphneduck View Post
I loved that my parents participated in these cultural myths. I was in no way traumatized when I found out there was no Santa. I am not angry at my mother for perpetuating the "lie." I just don't get that, at all. It isn't that big of a deal. My generation, I'm 40, seems to really buy into the theory that almost any disappointment or mishandling of parental authority and influence will traumatize a child for life. It just isn't that easy to scar a kid for life. If a child is that traumatized by the revelation that Santa isn't real, there have got to be some other issues going on. There are people starving in this world. Where is the perspective?
This was worded much better than I could've! Thank you, it's perfect!
post #23 of 121
We don't do the Santa/Easter bunny thing. For one part those are against DH's religion and for me, they don't exactly fit in - unless the Easter Bunny's now found his way to the equinox...What we both agree on is we don't like the consumerism that seems to come with them, these days. You know Santa brings you eight billion toys and all that. It's wierd, because the DSC moms do them, so I guess they just suspend belief? IDK. DD is too little to know. I give her presents on Winter Solstice and we do Christmas with extended family.
post #24 of 121
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MammaV View Post
We play with the myths of Santa, Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, but the kids know they are for pretend. We openly enjoy them knowing the difference between real and myth. We also enjoy fairy tales, vivid imaginations and lots of ancient greek/roman/norse/native american mythology. I didn't believe in Santa et. all growing up and have no remorse over it. We still set cookies out, write our letter and feed the reindeer. We get Easter Baskets that the Easter Bunny hides and DD even wrote to the Tooth Fairy to tell her that she doesn't want money, just surprises. She knows good and well that Daddy is the tooth fairy or Grandma sometimes, but she can rattle off a physical description of what the fairy looks like. Imagination and pretend are important to growing up, but so is truthfullness. I think you can have your imaginings and honor the truth at the same time.
Kids are almost 8, 4 and 2.
I love this answer and hope to be able to strike this type of harmony with my own dd! Thanks for sharing this!
post #25 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post
How do you handle this?
We do Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. We don't do "if you're not good, Santa won't bring you anything" (Santa only does a small gift, and the stockings, anyway). We won't continue to lie about it, once they're past the point where "what do you think?" doesn't cut it. IME, when a kid is ready, they'll say so, one way or the other.

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What is your reason for doing it or not?
Basically, because it was such a hugely wonderful part of my own childhood, and I want to pass it on.

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How is going so far?
It's going okay. I am actually a little worried about dd. I'm not sure how she's going to handle the truth. I'd tell her now, but ime, kids seem to do best when they find out somewhere around age 8. Younger, and they're more likely to be really hurt about the lying, and kind of confused. Older, and they're more likely to feel that they've been played for fools.

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How old are your kids?
DS1 is 16. He's obviously in on it, and figured it out at either 7 or 8. I think it was just after he turned 8.

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What did your parents do?
My parents did things the same way I do...pretended Santa and the rest were real, but didn't really push it, and didn't use them for behavioural modification.

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How did that affect your choices?
I'm doing things almost exactly the same way, so I'd say it affected my choices a lot.

I won't say this isn't lying, because it obviously is. It's the only time I've lied to my kids (aside from maybe "mommy and daddy were cuddling/taking a nap" when we were doing a lot more than that) and it does feel a bit weird, but I did love it so much. As I said above, my only reservations, ever, have been about dd. Just this last Christmas, I started wondering how she's going to take it, because she seems to be convinced on a much deeper level than most kids I've known. We'll see how the next couple years go. I am being less careful about hiding our tracks, as I hope that letting some little things show will begin to clue her in more gently. (For example, I used to downplay how much time I spent Christmas shopping, because so much of it is for stockings, and she'd wonder why I spent so much time to buy so few things. I don't do that, anymore. We put some Christmas-themed pencils in their stockings - and the rest of the pack appeared on dh's dresser a few months later. Things like that are more loose now.)

I'll continue the way we've gone, as I don't want to spring this on dd or ds2 before they're ready...but I do kind of wish, in light of dd's personality, that I'd skipped it with my little ones. I'm hoping I'm wrong, and dd takes it as well as ds1 did. He was just like me - loved that I'd put so much effort into "creating" Santa for him, and really appreciative of all the fun he'd had with it. We'll see how dd takes it.
post #26 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teenytoona View Post
- unless the Easter Bunny's now found his way to the equinox...
Personally, I think the symbolism of the Easter Bunny (rabbits, eggs, ducks & chicks) fits a lot better with the equinox than with Easter.
post #27 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post

You see these thing in Role Dahl stories. Talk about a storyteller. Man...I'm totally taking a moment right now, for Role Dahl.
Roald Dahl. Yep, his stuff is amazing. And kinda scary, but in a good way.
post #28 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Personally, I think the symbolism of the Easter Bunny (rabbits, eggs, ducks & chicks) fits a lot better with the equinox than with Easter.
True, actually that's where it's origins are, but Easter is always after the Equinox, so that's what I meant.
post #29 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by hedgewitch View Post
Sorry but I really resent the use of the word 'lying' when referring to parents who include mythology and magic in their family. Would you refer to a family of another religion as 'lying'?

I have no problem with others making different choices but using such language is inappropriate and attacking.
I'm sorry, but I do Santa, and it's lying. I'm pretending to my children that something is real, when I don't believe that it is. That's lying.

While I'm generally very, very honest with my kids (I've been accused of being too honest, particularly with ds1), and I don't like to think of myself as a liar...I am one. I'm lying. I maintain the charade all year, and I hide things from them, and tell them that a fat man is going to come down our chimney and eat his cookies and give the baby carrots to a reindeer. I know that's not going to happen. So...I'm lying. As bizarre as it may sound, I'm not dishonest enough to pretend otherwise.
post #30 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teenytoona View Post
True, actually that's where it's origins are, but Easter is always after the Equinox, so that's what I meant.
Gotcha. I just like the springtime symbols of Easter. We're agnostic (bordering on atheist, in my case), so the religious aspect isn't even there for us. It's a cultural holiday, not a religious one, yk? DD asked me why it's a bunny that comes for Easter, and I just told her that I think it must be because it's springtime, which is when the bunnies are being born...
post #31 of 121
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Personally, I think the symbolism of the Easter Bunny (rabbits, eggs, ducks & chicks) fits a lot better with the equinox than with Easter.

I do too. I love the spring time symbols of rebirth and new life. It seems to all fit so well with the equinox and I just think that is so neat, we prefer to celebrate Jesus birth on Easter and the easter-y bunny type stuff on the equinox, of course much watered down from modern mainstream type celebrations.
post #32 of 121
I plan to tell my son the story of Santa and tell him it's up to him what to believe. I have no problem with the story itself, just parents who insist to their kids that Santa *IS* real, even when questioned about it. That IMO could create trust issues.
post #33 of 121
How do you handle this?

We don't celebrate any holidays except thanksgiving which we do differently than most.

What is your reason for doing it or not?

Our spiritual beliefs conflict with the major american holidays. We are Christians and my studying has shown that they all have pagan origins. I'm not able to separate the holidays as they are today from what they came from.

How is going so far?

Great. Some family members still buy the kids christmas presents and strangers ALWAYS say "are you ready for santa?" It's upsetting that people don't even consider that lots of families don't celebrate christmas.

How old are your kids?

7y 2y 9m

What did your parents do?

My mom played the role of the easter bunny, santa, tooth fairy but I had older sibs and I was always aware that they were not real.

How did that affect your choices?

Not at all, I don't think.
Even if I did do the holidays I would not lie to my kids about them. I think that most children would handle it okay but there are all different types of people and some people really can't take being lied to. If someone lies to me it shatters my trust in them pretty much forever and it really devastates me to find out that someone I love has been dishonest with me. I would hate to tell my kids something I thought was a harmless lie and fun for everybody only to find out years later that they could never really trust me because of it. I really don't like the dismissive attitude that children who are so easily shaken and hurt by things must have some sort of issues: There are all types of people in this world and you shouldn't dismiss ones you don't understand.

Obviously you don't have to answer all of those questions!
You know me better than that
post #34 of 121
We're Christian too, my hubby is Catholic, and we're "allowed" to believe. We're still going to heaven, no doubt about it.

And the pagan thing - if that's an issue, people better stop celebrating Christmas as Christ's birth, because He wasn't born on December 25th, he was born in the spring. We celebrate on the day we do because it was originally a Pagan holiday and we were trying to "convert".

The Pagan beliefs have no impact whatsoever on my Christianity and my fun with Santa Claus.

I think people make Santa a much bigger complication than it needs to be. We can celebrate it and He still loves us - because one really has nothing to do with the other.

JMO of course.
post #35 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandraS View Post
We're Christian too, my hubby is Catholic, and we're "allowed" to believe. We're still going to heaven, no doubt about it.

And the pagan thing - if that's an issue, people better stop celebrating Christmas as Christ's birth, because He wasn't born on December 25th, he was born in the spring. We celebrate on the day we do because it was originally a Pagan holiday and we were trying to "convert".

The Pagan beliefs have no impact whatsoever on my Christianity and my fun with Santa Claus.

I think people make Santa a much bigger complication than it needs to be. We can celebrate it and He still loves us - because one really has nothing to do with the other.

JMO of course.
That's your opinion about...?? Not the original topic Are you debating what *I* said? I wasn't accusing or trying to offend anyone else, just stating my beliefs.
I'd rather not get into religious debates as I find them totally useless and not for the benefit of anyone involved. You have your beliefs, I have mine. No need to defend yourself, no judgment here just people sharing.
post #36 of 121
No, sorry, I wasn't debating. I'm just saying that we have no issues having Santa traditions, they don't conflict at all with our beliefs in God and our Christianity. That's all!
post #37 of 121
post #38 of 121
My dad is a bearded, teddy-bear of a guy who loved to entertain us with a boisterous, "Ho Ho Ho! I'm Santa Claus!" and we'd climb onto his lap and he'd "play" Santa and ask us if we'd been naughty or nice (and of course we knew that he knew if we had been), and refer to our Mom as "Mrs. Claus" and call our dog "Rudolph," and eventually point out my older sisters as "elves," etc. It was very fun, and became a family tradition, but I still believed in the mythical Santa. When I found out that mom and dad really WERE Santa (I was 8yo), I remember feeling a little let down, but I never felt "lied" to... because the truth had been sitting there in front of me the whole time. I was just so enchanted by the magic of it, that it never would have dawned on me. And I'm actually glad it didn't, because I have really great memories of the anticipation and excitement of waiting for Christmas and Easter morning, or to check under my pillow to see what the Tooth Fairy had left me.

As for the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, I honestly don't remember "the moment of truth" but it couldn't have been that traumatic because I do remember thinking it was loads of fun playing "helper" to Mom and Dad when my little bro and sis were still young. Part of growing up and reaching maturity was being privy to the "secret ingredients" of our childhood traditions and ensuring that the little ones got to enjoy the magic for as long as I had.

I do plan to do things a little differently with my own kids (partly because DH and I do not practice our families' religious traditions and want to steer holidays in a more secular direction); I do love the mythology and the "magic" and how it fuels imaginative play--and I wouldn't want to deprive my kids of a part of childhood that I consider to be essential--but I do appreciate that my parents had (what I'm learning, by the responses in this thread) a more gentle and honest approach to revealing the truth. I do think each child's personality, maturity, temperament, etc must be carefully considered, as well as how your own family's relationships and traditions play out on their own.

Definitely some interesting things to consider here.
post #39 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by MammaV View Post
We play with the myths of Santa, Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, but the kids know they are for pretend. We openly enjoy them knowing the difference between real and myth. We also enjoy fairy tales, vivid imaginations and lots of ancient greek/roman/norse/native american mythology. I didn't believe in Santa et. all growing up and have no remorse over it. We still set cookies out, write our letter and feed the reindeer. We get Easter Baskets that the Easter Bunny hides and DD even wrote to the Tooth Fairy to tell her that she doesn't want money, just surprises. She knows good and well that Daddy is the tooth fairy or Grandma sometimes, but she can rattle off a physical description of what the fairy looks like. Imagination and pretend are important to growing up, but so is truthfullness. I think you can have your imaginings and honor the truth at the same time.
Kids are almost 8, 4 and 2.
I also really like this answer. This is about the same as my approach too. I think imagination and fairy stories are wonderful but I don't see the need to tell kids they are real. There is a certain kind of "real" (best described in the Velveteen Rabbit, perhaps) that allows you to still enjoy the wonder and magic but know where the line exists between pretend and reality. That also avoids the big let-down when you find out something your parents told you was real actually isn't and you wonder what else they told you was wrong. That is what I would have thought if I had grown up thinking Santa or leprechauns actually existed. I'm glad I didn't so I could enjoy them as the myths they are and not have the memory tainted by the realization I had been duped.
post #40 of 121
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whistler View Post
I also really like this answer. This is about the same as my approach too. I think imagination and fairy stories are wonderful but I don't see the need to tell kids they are real. There is a certain kind of "real" (best described in the Velveteen Rabbit, perhaps) that allows you to still enjoy the wonder and magic but know where the line exists between pretend and reality. That also avoids the big let-down when you find out something your parents told you was real actually isn't and you wonder what else they told you was wrong. That is what I would have thought if I had grown up thinking Santa or leprechauns actually existed. I'm glad I didn't so I could enjoy them as the myths they are and not have the memory tainted by the realization I had been duped.

Yes, I agree with this, of course , and it's making me feel good to see that other people see where I'm coming from on this!
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