Please help me- kids wasting food

[Nosy]

This is driving DH & I crazy. 3 yo DS (and sometimes 5 yo DS) are playing with food at the table. We've offered them time to play with food apart from meals but it doesn't seem to help. Here's what typically happens: I turn away to get something off the stove, & I turn around & 3 yo DS has dunked a banana in his water or poured water in his meal. If he doesn't have water, he'll just take whatever he has and mix it so no one wants to eat it. DH abhors waste so it's a real hot button for him to see the kids wasting food. I know it's an attention getting behavior, but it's not like I'm leaving him alone for long periods of time with food. We've tried talking to them about limited resources but it's not sinking in.

Anyone have suggestions?

[sbrinton]

We have two simple rules at our table.

First of all, mom and dad get to decide what the family eats, but the kids decide how much they eat. This means we put healthy, appropriate, and usually yummy things on their plates, but they decide how much is enough.

The second rule is that everyone has to use manners. By this I mean saying please and thank you, not making a mess on purpose, not throwing or playing with food in a way that is rude or wastefull, contributing to the conversation. If the boys are disobeying at the table, they are excused from the table and not given anything else to eat until the next snack/meal. I try to consider the boys age in this and I have different expectations for each of the boys. It's fine for the baby to smear his mush around his tray, it's okay for the 2 year old to eat with his fingers, it's okay for the 4 year old to make a face when he tries something new. But as the boys grow older, I will expect more.

Practically, I might try giving the kids smaller portions of food. I would also try sitting down and really paying attention to the boys while they eat. I know this is not always easy, but maybe you can use meal time as a chance to really give them your full attention? You can also reinforce their good behavior.

[aterita]

I think rules & limits are crucial in teaching kids how to behave during meal time. Teaching them the values of food, and wasting it as an immoral thing. Don't punish them on such issues, while encourage them when they respond positive to your advice, by giving them a thumbs up, good boy/girl etc, whatever you feel can helpout, they feel worthwhile/happy.

[NiteNicole]

If having more than one food seems to be the issue, I would give one food at a time and hold off on the drink till the end (obviously if they're actually thirsty before then, you give them something to drink but the drink sits by you). I'd also make sure we were all ready to sit down and eat before I called them to the table so you can be right there to stop things before they start (easier said than done, I know!).

My daughter used to want to either fill up on drink or eat all the starch first (and then lose interest in veg and meat, if we have it) so I started giving her veg to start and after she's had a few bites, a little bit of whatever meat we might have, and after she's tried a bit of that, the starch where she will usually fill up. I would also hold off on giving her a drink till she had eaten. I didn't announce that since she was going to fill up on rice and water, I was going to keep those till later, I just filled her plate a little at a time while we were talking and having dinner. It seemed to work. It's just been a little while and now she's pretty much outgrown her the problems and she gets all her food at one time.

Also, playing with food means she's done, period. And if they're bored enough to start playing with food before they're finished, maybe you could just try teeny portions. It was really hard for me to "get" just how little food a two or three year old actually needs. If we were having two or three different things, a tablespoon of each might be all she'd eat and she was probably three before she could eat a whole (medium) banana. Sometimes she still can't finish it. Even now I give her half at a time just in case she can't eat it all. I don't tell her I'm keeping half, I just give her half and if she asks for the rest, I give her that when she finishes the first part. It sounds kind of controlling and micro managing, but I just do it while going on with our normal meals and convo and she doesn't seem to notice - or she does notice but she doesn't care.

I guess these are all just examples of how to give them what they need without giving them enough for them to waste. It's one thing if *I* over fill her plate and she can't finish or if she just misjudges how much she can eat, but deliberate and continual waste would get me.

[Kirsten]

That would be a hot button issue for me too - and I'd shut it down right away.

Do they start out doing this early in the meal or at the end - like they're full and bored?

Do they do this at all three meals or just one in particular? Is it just dinner and they want dad's attention?

Do you try to make them clean their plate? Maybe they get full and ruin the rest so they don't have to eat it?

I'd give them liquid in a cup with a lid you can close tightly if they aren't making good choices about pouring it into their plates. I'd also give them MUCH less food so they can eat it and ask for more instead of leaving half to ruin.

And I'd be 100% ok with having that kind of choice mean the end of the meal. Take the food away and meal is done. No snack until the next scheduled meal.

And one or both parents apparently needs to be RIGHT there if the boys are eating.

What happens now when they do this?

[crowcaw]

I have 2 3.5 yo's who left to their own devices mix and stir and dunk. Our rules are no one has any food on their plate until we're all sitting down together and once I'm sitting I don't get up and down to get things. That means that I have to have it together and have everything on the table at the start of the meal. We say a thanks before we start serving as a way to begin the meal and it's something concrete for them to wait for and helps shut down the reaching and grabbing.

As pp also suggested, we do small portions both of food and drink. Any dunking or pouring and the cup is removed from the table. It doesn't bother me so much if the mush together the food on their plates but then one dd likes to eat hers that way so I couldn't say no to it.

We recently wrote our table rules down and went over them at the start of a few meals and it's really helped.

Finally, we resort to telling stories when things are starting to go off course. Talking about the day seems to wear thin after 15 or so min but a story will always bring back their attention. Sometimes I have to remind them to eat because they get so wrapped up in the story, but it really help with the antsy behavior. Hopefully they'll outgrow the need for this someday.

[phathui5]

If they're putting things in the cup that don't belong, I'd take the cup away.

You could also just give him one kind of food and then have him finish that before he has the next course, so there's nothing to mix together.

[Just Elsa]

One food at a time until they think they are ready to use nice manners and respect the food.