How can I get my twins' attention? Especially at bedtime.

[OGirlieMama]

OK, I know toddlers ignore their parents when they don't like what they hear. But these two take that to a higher level. Seriously. I've seen other kids (and other sibling pairs or twins) and no one manages to stonewall like my girls. It's like I'm not even in the room. Of course it's worst at bedtime, when they are tired and manic and/or cranky, and frankly, so am I after a full day of being ignored by non-napping children!

I end up either yelling in frustration, or turning off the lights to get their attention (and that's not going so well now with daylight savings time!) or just walking away for 10 minutes and then losing any semblance of control over the situation. Most of the time none of that really truly works. If it's jammies I'm trying to get on, I end up grabbing someone and either sneaking them on while they play, or trying to jammie a squiggling screaming squirmer who then ends up hitting and kicking me and making the neighbors wonder if I beat my kids (OK, not really - my neighbors know I don't!)

The whole thing is exhausting, not very gentle, and it's making me insane. Last night I was quite honestly, a total yell-y mess, and I cried about it when they finally went to sleep. (I then looked at the calendar, saw it was CD 26 and realized PMS is not making this any easier.)

So, back to my original question, how do you get their attention when they are just playing and will do so ad nauseum? These are not kids who will just get tired and fall asleep (and even if they would, there are diapers to change, teeth to brush, and princess costumes to take off though I am willing to skip that last one if they do the first two.) They will continue playing and running around until either someone somehow gets them to stop and get ready for bed, or until someone just completely freaks out from exhaustion and throws a whopper tantrum.

This is really a problem for me and for my relationship with my children. Except for weekends, I am the only person here at bedtime, and I need them to throw me a bone. Any ideas?

[OGirlieMama]

^%#$&^%@!$

I actually had one jammied via the sneak-while-playing method, and I threw my hands up when the second ignored me, so I came in here to write this post while it was fresh in my mind. They just walked in here and the jammied one is now naked. AAAAAAAARGH!

[crowcaw]

I have twins 3 mo older than yours and bedtime can be a zoo. A few things that help us (but aren't bullet proof). Pajamas (and bath if it's bath night) before dinner; has the added advantage for us anyway that it reduces the severity of the pre-dinner craziness. I don't know why but if they have a bath late afternoon the remaining 45 min until dinner is served is when they play the best together. Then right after dinner the routine is always the same with a couple of rituals that they focus on. It's really simple but we go upstairs and light a candle for each of them and this is fascinating and something they don't want to miss. Then we brush teeth and read books or tell stories and then they get to blow out their candle. If they're going off reminding them that we need to blow out the candle often grabs their attention. We also have "fairy drops" (some flower essence) that they get on their tongues once they're lieing in bed. The fairy drops will let the fairies know it's they're sleep time so they'll come to bring them good dreams but they have to be very quiet so they fairies aren's scared off. I'm pretty sure they know it's just a game, but they love pretend and play along.

It doesn't always go smoothly and most nights they need to be reeled back in at some point but before we added these routines and rituals it was WILD. Running, laughing, screaming, jumping..... I seriously thought there was something wrong with them.

Oh, and I have to get them tired out during the day. If they don't get out to run aroudn for a good long time then it's hopeless.

And I forgot -- for the actual getting of the pajamas on what works best is getting them in their room and then "pick out your pajamas and join me downstairs when you have them on." Way faster than me trying to put them on them. We've been doing that for the last few months so we started when they were about the same age as yours twins.

[OGirlieMama]

OMG, what great ideas! I have heard other people say they do baths before dinner, and I've resisted for so long, but really I think that's old thinking about how they used to get themselves all slimed up when they were babies, ya know? And old thinking about what a PITA it is to move everyone upstairs for a bath and then back down for dinner.

I like the idea of "go get your jammies and come down when you're done." I'd have to figure out the right way to do that with the fact that they still need pull-ups at night (well, and during the day *sob*) and thus would still need to cooperate with me to some degree before bed, but I like this idea!

And all the fairy and candle stuff would be soooooooooooo up their alley. Maybe brushing their teeth by candlelight even would be soothing and make it more appealing (because we struggle with toothbrushing a lot).

I am going to re-read this in the morning and figure out how to implement some more "ritual" and shed some of my old thinking on this subject. I appreciate your answer so much!

[catilina]

I have no advice, just s

I am soooo right there with you! My DS goes crazy the second we go into his room to get ready for bed. Jumping on his bed, running around, running away from us, hitting and kicking when we try to put diaper/jammies on. It is exhausting and so infuriating. The bath before dinner is a good idea. We'll have to give that a try and see how it works for us.

[mom2grrls]

Definitely establish some sort of bedtime routine so their body knows when it's time to wind down. What time is bedtime now? Start turning the lights down or darkening the house before the routine. Do quiet games or coloring or something like that before jammies. It will take a while but definitely worth it.

[Ruthie's momma]

With DD, we call it "the last giggles of day." DD is ready for her bedtime routine at around 7:00. So, we will start a bath (or more recently, a shower...it is her new thing...) at around this time. DD will be very mellow and relaxed. We brush teeth and get her night time dipe on...and then the giggles start! So, we let her have one last run through the upstairs bedrooms. She is then spent, we put on her jammies, read a book with snuggles, and is asleep w/i 15 minutes.

toddlers

[anywaybecause]

Originally Posted by OGirlieMama

I like the idea of "go get your jammies and come down when you're done." I'd have to figure out the right way to do that with the fact that they still need pull-ups at night (well, and during the day *sob*) and thus would still need to cooperate with me to some degree before bed, but I like this idea!

Since pull-ups are still in the picture, how about "go upstairs, choose your jammies, and bring them back down to me" . . . then you can get them into pull-ups when they get back downstairs. While one girl is having mommy help her brush her teeth, the other girl is putting on her jammies; then they switch.

DEFINITELY come up with a routine. Ours has changed many times over the years -- sometimes it was frightfully complicated -- but the bare bones have remained the same. For us, baths were a key component until my twins were about 3; it really helped them relax. It also gave me a chance to give medications, get their room ready, pj's & pull-ups lined up and ready to go, etc. I even used to brush their teeth while they were in the tub! Stories have always been a major part of our bedtime routine, too. If you have a bunch of board books, you can get one kid dressed for bed and teeth brushed while her sibling chooses her book for storytime. Then they switch. With board books, this is still doable. . . . once you get to some of the longer picture books, you have to be careful or you'll be reading for 30 minutes. The biggest trick, for me, was to always have the twin I wasn't "working on" doing some other part of the routine.

[OGirlieMama]

Originally Posted by anywaybecause

Since pull-ups are still in the picture, how about "go upstairs, choose your jammies, and bring them back down to me" . . . then you can get them into pull-ups when they get back downstairs. While one girl is having mommy help her brush her teeth, the other girl is putting on her jammies; then they switch.

DEFINITELY come up with a routine. Ours has changed many times over the years -- sometimes it was frightfully complicated -- but the bare bones have remained the same. For us, baths were a key component until my twins were about 3; it really helped them relax. It also gave me a chance to give medications, get their room ready, pj's & pull-ups lined up and ready to go, etc. I even used to brush their teeth while they were in the tub! Stories have always been a major part of our bedtime routine, too. If you have a bunch of board books, you can get one kid dressed for bed and teeth brushed while her sibling chooses her book for storytime. Then they switch. With board books, this is still doable. . . . once you get to some of the longer picture books, you have to be careful or you'll be reading for 30 minutes. The biggest trick, for me, was to always have the twin I wasn't "working on" doing some other part of the routine.

We do have a routine, but it's just not working anymore and I think it needs more "bells & whistles" i.e. the candles and fairy drops kind of thing. We usually come up, have a bath, brush our teeth (sometimes in the tub), get on jammies, then read books in their bed, then turn out the light. It's the period of time post-bath or just when we get upstairs that's becoming a disaster. Once I can get the teeth brushed and the jammies on, it's usually pretty smooth because they love reading books in bed. But they shut me out SO well. They get up there or get out of the tub, and they immediately start running around and playing games - pretending to be princesses, etc. If I act quickly, I can sometimes do it smoothly, but heaven forbid I stick around to hang up the wet towels in the bathroom. At that point, they are already running wild and shrieking with joy and my voice is easily ignored.

I had an eye opener last night. I worked in the city for the day, and my parents had the girls. On the way back to my house at 7pm, Kate fell asleep, so I just brought her up to my bed. It was sooooooooooooo easy to get Lilly ready for bed. With the one-on-one attention and without the distraction of her sister, she was perfectly happy to brush her teeth, put on her jammies (actually, it was a dress she wanted to sleep in - whatever!) and cooperate with me. There was none of the manic energy that usually permeates the bedtime process, even though the only difference was that her sister wasn't there. It really solidified my feeling that this is specifically a twin issue (or at the very least, a close sibling one) and at least made me feel better that it's not just me.

[at-home]

OGirlieMama,
You have my complete empathy and support!!! I have two year old twins and I remember writing to this forum once at midnight after they had been going wild in their bedroom for at least 2 hours! Ugh! I was at my wits end!
There are already good suggestions here, so I cannot really add anything new....skipping naps and making sure they are active during the day has helped us the most. Baths are good, too.
I noticed a couple of mommies wrote in who aren't parenting twins. Their suggestions are appreciated, but the twin aspect *does* add a completely different dimension to everything. We have 8 children, but have never experienced *anything* like this!!!! LOL!!!!!

[OGirlieMama]

Originally Posted by at-home

OGirlieMama,
You have my complete empathy and support!!! I have two year old twins and I remember writing to this forum once at midnight after they had been going wild in their bedroom for at least 2 hours! Ugh! I was at my wits end!
There are already good suggestions here, so I cannot really add anything new....skipping naps and making sure they are active during the day has helped us the most. Baths are good, too.
I noticed a couple of mommies wrote in who aren't parenting twins. Their suggestions are appreciated, but the twin aspect *does* add a completely different dimension to everything. We have 8 children, but have never experienced *anything* like this!!!! LOL!!!!!

That last bit means a lot to me, because sometimes I second-guess how much the twin-ness really has to do with it, even though I know in my heart it does. KWIM?

I actually had perfect confirmation of that this past Friday night. The girls spent the day at my parents' house, and Kate fell asleep in the car at 7pm on the way home. I put her in my bed and just put Lilly to bed on her own. It was amazing! She brushed her teeth! She put on her jammies! She didn't run around the room naked and shrieking! When I spoke to her, she answered me! We snuggled in bed together and read books, and it was peaceful and lovely. I seriously could not believe the difference. I had no idea bedtime could be like that.

Tonight...yeah, not so much.

[at-home]

Oh, I totally know what you mean! Get my girls in separate spaces, and the transformation is unbelievable! Once in a while I can have one daughter in her room and the other with me as I work in the kitchen. The daughter who is with me entertains herself quietly and interacts with me pleasantly -- so peaceful and lovely. Its like night and day. Sometimes I think its a relief for them to have some time away from one another. (I know it is a relief for me! ha, ha)

[OGirlieMama]

Originally Posted by crowcaw

I have twins 3 mo older than yours and bedtime can be a zoo. A few things that help us (but aren't bullet proof). Pajamas (and bath if it's bath night) before dinner; has the added advantage for us anyway that it reduces the severity of the pre-dinner craziness. I don't know why but if they have a bath late afternoon the remaining 45 min until dinner is served is when they play the best together. Then right after dinner the routine is always the same with a couple of rituals that they focus on. It's really simple but we go upstairs and light a candle for each of them and this is fascinating and something they don't want to miss. Then we brush teeth and read books or tell stories and then they get to blow out their candle. If they're going off reminding them that we need to blow out the candle often grabs their attention. We also have "fairy drops" (some flower essence) that they get on their tongues once they're lieing in bed. The fairy drops will let the fairies know it's they're sleep time so they'll come to bring them good dreams but they have to be very quiet so they fairies aren's scared off. I'm pretty sure they know it's just a game, but they love pretend and play along.

It doesn't always go smoothly and most nights they need to be reeled back in at some point but before we added these routines and rituals it was WILD. Running, laughing, screaming, jumping..... I seriously thought there was something wrong with them.

Oh, and I have to get them tired out during the day. If they don't get out to run aroudn for a good long time then it's hopeless.

And I forgot -- for the actual getting of the pajamas on what works best is getting them in their room and then "pick out your pajamas and join me downstairs when you have them on." Way faster than me trying to put them on them. We've been doing that for the last few months so we started when they were about the same age as yours twins.

OK, I had to bump this thread for an update. I got some candles earlier this week and decided to try and implement some kind of routine like you said. I told them that the candles would help bring them happy dreams, and that before they blow out the candle, they should think about what they want to dream about that night. Well, the second I lit those freaking candles, it was anarchy. They wanted to blow it out right away. They wanted to climb up on the chair to see the candles. I said let's brush your teeth and get jammied and *then* blow out the candles and they cried.

One night Katie said "I already know my dream!" and blew the candle out 30 seconds after I lit it. Then Lilly blew hers out. Then Lilly burst into tears and begged me to re-light hers. I said no, because it was done, and then eventually, after 10 minutes of screaming, she explained that she hadn't thought of a dream, she had just blown hers out because Kate had. Carried away in the moment, I suppose.

Tonight they both decided that after the blew out the candles, they wanted to have different dreams, so they wanted them lit again. More gnashing of teeth when I refused to do so.

Total. Bedtime. FAIL. And a great reminder that all kids are different, and even really beautiful ideas don't work for everyone.