How do you react when someone threatens to spank in front of you? - Page 3

[1littlebit]

i was never hit. it would have been bad if i was. i had undiagnosed ADD, impulse control, and rage issues... hitting me would have been catastrophic.

[4inMyHeart3inArms]

Originally Posted by SandraS

My SIL tells me EVERY child needs hit at some point or another. She didn't appreciate my telling her that none of mine have ever "needed" it. But it doesn't stop her from beating her 5 and 4 year olds.

Makes me sad.

(HUGS)

I understand. My mom tells me that I am lucky I just have kids that don't need to be hit. Well, thats what she said about my first child. Now she doesn't comment because I guess it's harder to say that I've been lucky 3 times where she was unlucky 3 times? The strange thing is, I know that spanking didn't work for me, and my sister said she used to just pretend it hurt so they would stop but she didn't care about it. I don't know what my brother's deal was. Any way, my mom never needed to hit me - in fact just the opposite. I was highly sensitive and still am to this day. In fact, she had been very lucky as I was one of those kids you easily could have just "talked" to. The whole "need" to hit thing is just a cop out for not looking to learn new parenting skills. It is frustrating when people think that some how hitting a child will solve problems. The reality is, both kids who are spanked and kids who are not spanked misbehave. If a spanking parent wants to say otherwise I would have to challenge that - obviously their children misbehave too or they wouldn't have to spank! The only difference is in how you deal with it. Yes, there are extremes - people who abuse and people who don't guide their children at all - however, it's arguable that guiding your child to behave without violence/hitting/spanking/whatever makes a person feel good to call it is better then trying to scare the child into behaving using those tactics, which often fail anyway.

It's definitely harder not to spank. I mean hey, if you could convince yourself that a diet of ice cream and cookies was good for you then you'd gladly do so I'm sure. Yet we know that is not a balanced diet and so we exhibit self control. There are those who know its not a balanced diet and don't use self control. Some of them "turn out fine" and others suffer obesity, heart problems, etc. The unhealthy eating group suffers those problems more then the healthy eating group, though some in the healthy eating group may have those problems anyway - though they aren't having those problems because they DO eat healthy. This is easily acknowledged, but when the same concept is applied to parenting its not so easily acknowledged. Perhaps some where in their minds they realize that it is wrong and not only is it wrong its making things worse for someone else, a child, not themselves. People have issues with self control. To be blunt one could call it lazy. It's easier to make excuses for laziness (all kids need to be spanked, it didnt hurt me any, its for their own good ) then to look at the facts (increased chances of the child growing up to be violent or in a violent relationship, increased chances of associating pain with love, lower problem solving skills, damper on parent child bond, lower IQ scores as whole , etc) and to change. To get up off their butts and parent their child. You may even see cases of children who are given diets full of soda and candy, and then spanked for misbehavior. Children who would behave better if they had a proper diet. Or children with special needs who are spanked more because the parents don't do more to meet those special needs. This can happen with discipline in general, but it seems more common that spanking parents oversee a child's special needs then GD parents do.

Simply put, its easier to find an excuse to be lazy, to be in denial of the facts. Imagine how much harder life would be if they realized the extent of the damage that can be done with just a plain spanking, let alone straight abuse. Which was my mom's cop out - that she didn't abuse me she "only" spanked me. I mean really, of course its worse to smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day but that doesn't make 1 pack a day healthy. Not EVERYTHING is good for you in moderation.

I will not make excuses or exceptions about the idea of spanking. It is never okay, and it infringes upon a person's basic rights, even if my country can't seem to grasp that. It is what it is. It is no more an appropriate right for a parent to spank a child then it was once appropriate for a husband to hit his wife.

[SandraS]

Wait wait wait... A diet of ice cream and cookies ISN'T good for me????

Dang it...

:

[pixiekisses]

Originally Posted by SandraS

Wait wait wait... A diet of ice cream and cookies ISN'T good for me????

Dang it...

:

[HisBeautifulWife]

Originally Posted by Just Elsa

I don't like it either, but the fact is lots of us on this forum do things that others consider to be over the line into abuse and neglect. If we want the freedom to homeschool or to refuse to vaccinate our kids we also have to accept that others have a right to CIO or spank. We can hate those practices and think they're abusive, but I guarantee for every person we line up who feels that way there are at least as many who are equally against some of our choices. We can try to help our friends and family make good choices but we are not the parenting police for strangers nor do we want to open that barrel of worms.

:

Oh my! Hugs to you for writing this.

And btw, whatever the topic was, I wouldn't appreciate uninvited parenting advice from a stranger or store clerk; and if it was a store clerk depending on if I found it inappropriate or not, I'd make a big deal out of it. And when I make a big deal out of something, it goes beyond talking to the manager because I'd do that as well as moving further up the chain.

[4inMyHeart3inArms]

Originally Posted by SandraS

Wait wait wait... A diet of ice cream and cookies ISN'T good for me????

Dang it...

:

I know hehe... I pretend I don't know that sometimes myself. Which is why I can understand the lazy aspect of spanking... because I myself can be lazy when it comes to something, such as eating right... though I don't disillusion myself into really thinking cookies and ice cream is all I need i may temporarily conveniently forget, but if someone said "brocolli is better for you then ice cream" I wouldn't feel the need to defend ice cream as the better choice... catch my drift?

[averlee]

Regardless of the situation, you always have the right to speak up when you are uncomfortable. In a workplace, you have the right to a safe work environment, free from violence or threats of bodily harm. Just like with sexual harassment, it doesn't matter who the comments are addressed to, because overhearing them affects your work environment. When working alone in a store, you are the proprietor and you have the right to refuse service or to expect certain conduct from patrons. Threatening language can't be tolerated in a store frequented by small children.