who is NOT having a doula?

[tofutti]

i dont think i am and i feel like the only one.

is this a mistake?

here is why:

1. i had the worst doula for my first and just felt sooo ripped off, both financially and with the birth, i just wanted her out of there --- (nothing nothing nothing against doulas, i know they are amazing and wonderful and i am so glad they exist!!! we need doulas in the world!! and all of my friends are having doulas!)

2. DH is amazing.

3. its my second so it will just "fall out" right?

but then i get scared -- so hard to predict what we will need til we are in the moment, right?

also ::: i am with a new practice that is hospital-based midwifery. so i really trust them to the point that i dont have a birth plan or anything. but the midwives act almost like docs, in that, they have 7 patients or whatever and can only check on you every hour or so. so no super personal attention, kwim?

hm.

[deymm]

no doula. It's my 2nd time. I want as few people there as possible. We'll have the MW, her assistant, and DH and whoever we get to watch DS. That is plenty for me.

[cristeen]

No doula here, although DH has mentioned it. But we'll be having a HB - if I were planning on a hospital birth, I'd definitely get one.

[LibertyBelle]

No doula. We're having a midwife, so I assume it won't be necessary.

[PartDeux]

I have a midwife but will not have a doula. This is a second birth for me as well. I'll have my husband and my mother, both of whom were so great with the birth of my daughter. In fact, the midwife came in the day after and said, "Wow! Your mom was great! I mean, you did good too, but your mother was really amazing!"

[darcytrue]

You're not alone. I'm having another c-section this because I plan to get a tubal or else I'd try for a VBA2C. So I'm definitely the odd one out around here. My insurance doesn't cover a midwife except at the local clinic and she doesn't help with the actual delivery anyway, it has to be an OB at that clinic, so I've decided to stay with my current OB (for now anyway).

[StrongFeather]

No doula. Although I am wondering if I am nuts not to be researching and trying to find a way to have one. I don't think we could afford one even if I wanted it. (which shhhhh, don't tell DH, but I am kind of secretly starting to)

[skydancer]

No doula here either. Like others, I just don't want other people around me during that time. Also, I have complete confidence in dh's abilities to help me through it and advocate for me and/or baby if necessary (he has proven himself through the other three births, so why change it up now?).

[Siobhain]

No doula for me, I have never had one, I have trained as one but always have had nursing babies that I didn't want to leave for births My husband is a fantastic 'doula' and I find that I am a somewhat private birther and don't want any touching or words of encouragement while in active labour. It may be the cause of early death to whoever tries it on me! When I am pushing I want DH there and that's it, so I feel like I would be wasting my money and the doulas time.

Erin

[Raene]

I am lurking from August, but my baby could easily be a September one, so I'll post here

I am not using a doula and having a homebirth. My reasons are mainly:

1) DH is really sensitive and would probably cry if he felt like someone was taking over his role in the birth, lol.

2) I am a VERY modest person...the thought of already having the midwife and her assistant is uncomfortable to me. I'm thinking I'll wear a skirt the whole time or something, lol. But adding another person into that...no thanks.

[newmomroxi]

I'm not having a doula either. I think I would like one but I really couldn't afford it right now. The hospital I plan on giving birth uses midwife nurses and is very low key in terms of interventions. I'm pleased with this and think it's the best I can do right now.

[2boyzmama]

Well, I really don't know yet!!!

I'm working with a lay-midwife (homebirth licensed midwives aren't legal in my state) and her "assistant" is a lay-doula (is that even a word? She's attended numerous births as a "friend" or "support person" but hasn't been officially trained) They are my back-ups, my sounding board, helping guide me through my pregnancy and prepare for birth. Meanwhile, I have an OB and I'm planning on delivering at a birth center.

I *may* invite them to the birth, or I may not. If my labor at home is long, I'll definitely ask them to come over to help me through that. But my last birth was so fast, there was no time for me to have used a doula honestly!!

I have nothing against them being at my birth, quite the contrary, I love them like sisters! But at the same time, my husband was a wonderful support for me, basically did everything I needed. I might have them come over as photographer, that would be perfect, then if I need more help, they're there, if I don't, they are just silently behind the camera.

A lot depends on what time of day I go into labor, too. Last time, it was the middle of the night, and I labored alone in my bathtub for a while before even waking up my husband, then I was suddenly in transition! If that happens again, I really enjoyed that alone time, so I wouldn't call them over. But if I go into labor during the day, it might be different.

So...my answer is...I don't know!! I have them available to me, we'll see how it all works out

[joeys_mom]

No doula here this time. I was planning to have one last time I was pregnant but after miscarrying I decided that having a doula was the least of my worries!

I had a doula with my first and she was also a massage therapist. It was a wonderful experience and I think with your first birth it is a great idea. This time I want to give DH a chance to play a bigger role. I feel that with my Mom, DH and midwife there I just don't need a doula. Although, if $ were no object, I would have one for back-up.

[loriu]

we are not having a doula for the simple fact that we can't afford it.

we had one with my daughter, but she was in training and did our birth for free. we tipped her generously, but i don't feel like hunting for a training doula and then having her be...less than stellar. i have had freinds with mixed doula experiences, so as much as ours kicked butt, i have some trepidation with paying anyone anything without them performing first...you know?

but i loved having two people with me at all times. i had agonizing back labor, and i needed someone to clutch and someone on my back the whole labor. our midwife was there about 90% of the 15 hour labor (all in teh hospital b/c my water broke but i never went into labor), and my husband and doubla. having three there allowed them to eat, pause, get coffee, pee, etc, w/o abandoning me.

so, this time i have two good girlfriends, both who are very interested in birth, who'll be my "doulas". they're book-clubbing peggy simpkin's "the birth partner" with my hsuband and we're meeting in august to discuss the plan!

although, i might have to have one of them be our go-to person for my 2 year old. we still haven't figured out what to do with her yet...

so, i'm not having an official doula, but a friend play doula

[Guinevere]

I've never used a doula, and don't plan on it this time, either.

With babies #1 and 2, I was ill (pre-eclampsia) and delivered prematurely, lots of medical interventions, wasn't allowed to labor anywhere except on my left side, hooked up to a million tubes and wires and on horrible medications throughout labor (mag sulf). Honestly, a doula would have just made those two birth experiences feel MORE like a failure than they already did; what could she really have done apart from sympathize with my plight?

With babies #3 and #4 (full-term, healthy births), labor progressed very quickly and there was barely enough time to make it to the hospital, let alone call a doula.

By baby #5, I was trying for a HB and also felt that I knew enough about my own birthing patterns to do fine w/o the additional support of a doula. Then Sophie stopped moving one morning at 35w and I had an emergency c/s an hour later. My HBMW did come to the hospital (couldn't attend the surgery, though) and that was enough; again, a doula wouldn't have had anything to do, under the circumstances.

And so here we are on baby #6 and last. Planning HB again. Know that if HB happens, DH, MW, MW's apprentice, and our long-term babysitter will be here for the birth (provided it doesn't all happen too fast again.) That seems like PLENTY of people to me; I'll likely spend most of my laboring time sequestered away in the shower or bedroom, anyway (I like privacy when I'm in pain.) If I get risked out of HB in the end due to high BP (a distinct possibility), then my MW will be at the hospital with me and will act as my doula. This is the first time I really think having someone in the doula role might be a big help to me in a hospital birth, b/c I've never done a VBAC before and I'm realizing that that 1 little scar = LOTS more monitoring and less freedom than before. Which sucks, plain and simple. And my MW's emotional and practical support would be most welcome in that scenario.

I think this choice is so individual -- there is definitely no right or wrong answer. Doulas can be extremely valuable, especially if your partner doesn't "do" labor/birth particularly well or if you are concerned about birthing with a care provider or in a hospital that won't support your wishes. Sadly, the women I know who probably would have benefitted most from doula care would never have thought to hire one, b/c they were extremely uninformed about birth choices in general. And most of them ended up with unnecessary c/s's, too, due to the whole cascade of intervention thing. Major bummer.

Guin

[megame]

I'm not sure. I think we thought it was a good idea (as it's our first and I think it would really help out dh), but I don't know if we'll get around to finding one in time.

[Julia24]

We're not having a doula either- See? You're not alone

We can't really afford it, AND I'm actually not sure how comfortable I'd be with the whole thing - I'm ALREADY uncomfortable with all the strange people around - to have a virtual stranger trying to massage me, console me, and coach me might just throw me over the edge

I didn't even want my MOTHER touching me when I was laboring last time - much less anyone else, to me it feels like FIRE to have someone touching me - I think I kind of like to be alone with my pain, it's how I deal.

Anyways - there you have it. I am a bit concerned as it is a new hospital, but I really just need to hand it over to dh and trust that he'll advocate for me and the baby if I'm unable to. He knows what I want. And I'll be sure to review before the time comes!

[GiantGi]

No doula here. I havent had one for any of the births. I would LOVE to have one. There are none in my very rural area. I dont think we could swing the cash. I have been toying with the idea of asking my good friend to join in and act as a doula for me. She has lots of experience with other's births.

[zenproof]

We are. But this is my first - it will be in a hospital, and I am scared. So I want all the help I can get.

I do have a midwife, but she will be there to deliver, not to coach - and thats the part I really will want some cheerleading beyond just my husband.

I really really like my doula too. Shes our age and really cool and calming to me. I feel a tremendous relief knowing I have her on my team.

[dosergirl]

Originally Posted by StrongFeather

No doula. Although I am wondering if I am nuts not to be researching and trying to find a way to have one. I don't think we could afford one even if I wanted it. (which shhhhh, don't tell DH, but I am kind of secretly starting to)

this is what i thought too, and when i looked into it i found that we have doula's on staff at the birth center i am going to. so that is nice. i don't have a private doula but there will be one there, plus the midwife, plus my mother, plus dh.