My mother, who visits twice yearly for about a month, informs me that I am spoiling my 2.5 yo DS (youngest of three). Her examples:
2.5yo DS is playing in the living room, pretending to be an eagle, accidentally hits 6yo DD while 'flying' by. I comfort 6yo DD, tell 2.5yo DS that I know it was an accident but he hurt DD, say that it would be nice to give her a hug and say he's sorry. Often he will apologize, this time he said 'no, I am being an eagle', and continued flying. I hugged DD, told her I was sorry she was hurt, and sat and snuggled with her while she continued doing what she was doing (reading). After a few minutes, with no further request, he came over and said he was sorry, and hugged her. She thinks he should have to say he's sorry, and that if he doesn't there should be a consequence.
Another example - Supper is ready. 2.5yo DS is playing in the library. I go and tell him that dinner is ready and ask him to come to the table. He doesn't respond right away, so I ask him if he'd like to be an airplane and fly to the table. He jumps up and I 'fly' him to the table, put him on his chair, and sit in mine. Without another word, he gets up, goes back to the library, continues playing. As he's leaving, I ask him to stay and eat, he doesn't answer. I finish my supper, as does the rest of the family, we clear the table (not his plate). A half an hour later, he asks if he can have his supper, I warm it up, he eats it in his chair. She thinks I should make him stay at the table.
Third example - 2.5yo naps during the afternoon, which he never does anymore. At his usual bedtime, he is not at all tired (which I expected), so we don't start bedtime until an hour later. (I think she thinks I should make him go to bed on time regardless). Same thing if he's up through the night - if he wakes up completely for some reason, it can take him 45 minutes of quiet snuggling or BF with me to settle back down. She thinks that at this age, that shouldn't be necessary.
One more example - 2.5yo, again at the table, is intentionally dropping banana pieces on the just-cleaned floor. I ask him not to, as the banana will be dirty and he won't be able to eat it. He continues, and tells me he is making a picture. I tell him that if he doesn't stop, I'll have to take the banana as I don't want him to waste the food. He doesn't, so I do take it away. After lunch, he helps me clean up the banana and I give him some paper and wax crayons to draw a picture. She thinks there should be a punishment, and thinks that the crayons and paper could be seen as a reward. I see it as redirecting his need to be creative at that point.
Opinions, please??
2.5yo DS is very active at this age, and we try and pick our battles... though I don't like to call them battles. It is true that he is my last baby. Am I parenting differently as a result? I hope not. I hope that the only effect is that I treasure all of these moments all the more. I guess I need reassurance that I am NOT crazy, and that these techniques do NOT spoil a child.
2.5yo DS is playing in the living room, pretending to be an eagle, accidentally hits 6yo DD while 'flying' by. I comfort 6yo DD, tell 2.5yo DS that I know it was an accident but he hurt DD, say that it would be nice to give her a hug and say he's sorry. Often he will apologize, this time he said 'no, I am being an eagle', and continued flying. I hugged DD, told her I was sorry she was hurt, and sat and snuggled with her while she continued doing what she was doing (reading). After a few minutes, with no further request, he came over and said he was sorry, and hugged her. She thinks he should have to say he's sorry, and that if he doesn't there should be a consequence.
Another example - Supper is ready. 2.5yo DS is playing in the library. I go and tell him that dinner is ready and ask him to come to the table. He doesn't respond right away, so I ask him if he'd like to be an airplane and fly to the table. He jumps up and I 'fly' him to the table, put him on his chair, and sit in mine. Without another word, he gets up, goes back to the library, continues playing. As he's leaving, I ask him to stay and eat, he doesn't answer. I finish my supper, as does the rest of the family, we clear the table (not his plate). A half an hour later, he asks if he can have his supper, I warm it up, he eats it in his chair. She thinks I should make him stay at the table.
Third example - 2.5yo naps during the afternoon, which he never does anymore. At his usual bedtime, he is not at all tired (which I expected), so we don't start bedtime until an hour later. (I think she thinks I should make him go to bed on time regardless). Same thing if he's up through the night - if he wakes up completely for some reason, it can take him 45 minutes of quiet snuggling or BF with me to settle back down. She thinks that at this age, that shouldn't be necessary.
One more example - 2.5yo, again at the table, is intentionally dropping banana pieces on the just-cleaned floor. I ask him not to, as the banana will be dirty and he won't be able to eat it. He continues, and tells me he is making a picture. I tell him that if he doesn't stop, I'll have to take the banana as I don't want him to waste the food. He doesn't, so I do take it away. After lunch, he helps me clean up the banana and I give him some paper and wax crayons to draw a picture. She thinks there should be a punishment, and thinks that the crayons and paper could be seen as a reward. I see it as redirecting his need to be creative at that point.
Opinions, please??
2.5yo DS is very active at this age, and we try and pick our battles... though I don't like to call them battles. It is true that he is my last baby. Am I parenting differently as a result? I hope not. I hope that the only effect is that I treasure all of these moments all the more. I guess I need reassurance that I am NOT crazy, and that these techniques do NOT spoil a child.
If you're comfortable with the precedent you're setting and can live cheerfully with the results, that's what really matters here.
