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Originally Posted by npd  2.5yo DS is playing in the living room, pretending to be an eagle, accidentally hits 6yo DD while 'flying' by. I comfort 6yo DD, tell 2.5yo DS that I know it was an accident but he hurt DD, say that it would be nice to give her a hug and say he's sorry. Often he will apologize, this time he said 'no, I am being an eagle', and continued flying. I hugged DD, told her I was sorry she was hurt, and sat and snuggled with her while she continued doing what she was doing (reading). After a few minutes, with no further request, he came over and said he was sorry, and hugged her. She thinks he should have to say he's sorry, and that if he doesn't there should be a consequence.
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He said sorry. He said sorry when he meant it. While I know many disagree, I don't see an issue with this at all. I'm not sure I'd handle it that well.
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| Another example - Supper is ready. 2.5yo DS is playing in the library. I go and tell him that dinner is ready and ask him to come to the table. He doesn't respond right away, so I ask him if he'd like to be an airplane and fly to the table. He jumps up and I 'fly' him to the table, put him on his chair, and sit in mine. Without another word, he gets up, goes back to the library, continues playing. As he's leaving, I ask him to stay and eat, he doesn't answer. I finish my supper, as does the rest of the family, we clear the table (not his plate). A half an hour later, he asks if he can have his supper, I warm it up, he eats it in his chair. She thinks I should make him stay at the table. |
We have our kids stay at the table during supper, whether they're eating or not. But, that's a style difference (and some of it is in reaction to the complete lack of family time when I was with my ex). I'd probably require some kind of answer when I spoke to him, because it's not okay for my kids to just ignore people when they're being talked to...but that's also a personal hot button. I'd do the same thing, as far as giving him his plate back (unless it was something he didn't like, as opposed to him just not being hungry at dinner time). I don't think kids need to get the idea that they should eat when other people are hungry, especially when they're as young as your ds.
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| Third example - 2.5yo naps during the afternoon, which he never does anymore. At his usual bedtime, he is not at all tired (which I expected), so we don't start bedtime until an hour later. (I think she thinks I should make him go to bed on time regardless). Same thing if he's up through the night - if he wakes up completely for some reason, it can take him 45 minutes of quiet snuggling or BF with me to settle back down. She thinks that at this age, that shouldn't be necessary. |
If a strict bedtime doesn't matter to you, then I see no issue. As for snuggling back to sleep, every child is different, and even the same child is different some nights. (For example, ds2 goes to sleep quite happily most nights - I say my goodnights to both of them, and he sits and plays in his bed until he wants to sleep. But, we had one night recently when dh ended up spelling me on the snuggle time, because ds2 was
freaking without a cuddle, and my bladder was ready to burst. It took well over an hour to get him soothed back to sleep...and he's almost 4.
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| One more example - 2.5yo, again at the table, is intentionally dropping banana pieces on the just-cleaned floor. I ask him not to, as the banana will be dirty and he won't be able to eat it. He continues, and tells me he is making a picture. I tell him that if he doesn't stop, I'll have to take the banana as I don't want him to waste the food. He doesn't, so I do take it away. After lunch, he helps me clean up the banana and I give him some paper and wax crayons to draw a picture. She thinks there should be a punishment, and thinks that the crayons and paper could be seen as a reward. I see it as redirecting his need to be creative at that point. |
I don't see any point in a punishment. I think you handled this well. I usually end up cleaning up after ds2, because I just don't have the energy to try to make him clean up. It's something I need to work on. Your ds is learning to pick up his own mess, so why punish him?
He doesn't sound spoiled to me. As I said, there are some things that I'd put more or less emphasis on, but that's a matter of personal priorities, not a belief that your way is "wrong" and mine is "right".
