MIL Rant

[dosergirl]

ok not even just MIL but IL's. i know i don't have the worst of it by far but i am annoyed and emotional and i just maybe need to vent.
MIL has had nothing to do with us or this pregnancy at all. She said congrats when DP told her we were expecting (she is catholic, she is older he is 26 and she is 70 and she never cared for me before this) she is outwardly like, fake nice to me and i know she doesn't like me even if she hasn't said as much. a girl with tattoos all over her arms and chest and back was not what she pictured for her pre-med son. anyway. so nothing. he continues to try to update her when things are happening. like when we got the ultrasound we printed out pictures for all the grandparents (his parents are divorced) and she left them at our house! like oh, that's nice dear and just left them! on mothers day she came over and i, pregnant girl cooked all day for this woman i don't even care for, and mothers day i was 5.5 months along. she says "so do you have a due date yet?" wtf is that?! are you kidding me? i am like, halfway through pregnancy lady, i have had a due date since i got pregnant. argh. it was so uncomfortable that i cried when she left and called my own mom cause it sucks that i only have this lady around who clearly doesn't give a crap about her first grandchild.
so nothing, they have done nothing. fil, don't get me started cause he hasn't asked one thing, i am not even sure he remembers i am pregnant.
i think what bothers me most is that dp goes out of his way to please these horrid people who don't care one iota about him or his life. and now he wants to do what he has been doing since he was 12 and have us go up to see fil's family for christmas! wtf. we will have our own family then and i will have a newborn and there is no way i want to go spend christmas and my 30th birthday with a bunch of strangers who couldn't even be bothered to say congrats on having a baby! (i know we will fight about this later but i have just dropped it for now)

anyway i am frustrated. i know it could be worse cause it could be that they are overly involved but i think this is just as bad too. i'm really fed up with this situation. with seeing them and listening to them bad mouth eachother cause they are going through a divorce. with trying to get fil to come to the shower because he would have to be in the same room as mil. how can people in their 70's be so effing childish?

ok i am done. i just needed to get it out. i'm pissed that these people are going to be members of my family once i am married to dp.

[acupuncturemomma]

Awww, I'm sorry.

[texmati]

oh s: I'm sorry! It's frustrating when our partners try so hard to please parents that just. don't. care.

[Julia24]

I'm sorry

It's never easy to balance all this crap - and you guys are on a STEEP learning curve right now. Dh and I have been duking it out about holidays for over a decade now and it's still not easy - you'll get through it though.

Just remember that your family is with dp and your baby now - and anything else is just bonus. Really, it's them that are going to miss out if they choose to be aholes and not participate more in your baby's life, yk? It will be a long - LONG time before your baby has any concept of what's going on. My 7yo is still oblivious to such adult relationship quandries. (like my BIL for whom the WORLD revolves around - as far as my ILs are concerned....don't get me started...but they can't even be bothered to 'stop by' to see their ONLY nieces....even though they'll go visit the dogs of some of their friends - it's just silly - whatever, somehow, my children still love their aunt and uncle, bc they don't see all the extraneous crap, yk?)

[mkksmom]

(((Hugs))) dealing with the IL's can be tough... and holidays... ugh! I have already been dreading Thanksgiving (which I normally host at my house... not this year, though) and Christmas. And in 3 weeks we have to celebrate the 4th of July with dh's family.

[Amberenergy]

I am so sorry. This stuff hurts! I wanted to be accepted by my ilaws but that never happened. I've been married ten years and things are better-I have no deep story to tell you, MIL died and we don't talk to SIL but things are better, fo sho.
It's weird too for me, all the guys I went out with before hubby had sisters and moms who adored, absolutely adored me, so I was kind of in shock there for a few years.
It's really hard when you have kids and throw that into the mix--you want them to know their Aunt or their Grandmother, but at what price, what price I say?
I'm just sending you a huge old warm hug (or handshake if you aren't a hugger.) It sux. Hang in there.

[jennydecki]

I'm sorry you're going through that. I got so frustrated at the lack of any kind of emotion from my ILs from the first two pregnancies that this one...we didn't tell anyone outside of my family.

Yep, I'm due in Sept and no. one. knows. It feels like a secret that's just mine, and I am kind of digging it. If you don't tell anyone you can't have any expectations of how they could/should/you wish they would react. It takes some of the pressure off.

Christmas is going to be REALLY fun - just walking in with my two girls and a baby sling...

[dosergirl]

i know these things go on for sure. and i for one was raised to feel no obligation to people just because they are related to me,
my father cut his family out for being assholes when he entered adult hood. i have literally never met anyone on that side of the family and i am just fine with that. my parents and brother are awesome and now my inlaws suck so it is really hard to deal with. especially when dp agrees that they suck and still insists on doing all these things to please them...like man, you are a grown up, you are not 10 years old any more, your wife and child should come first!

[StrongFeather]

Originally Posted by jennydecki

Christmas is going to be REALLY fun - just walking in with my two girls and a baby sling...

Now THAT I would love to see

[dosergirl]

that is awesome! if the il's didn't both live in town, i probably wouldn't tell. they do nothing of us but of course expect that we make them dinner on mothers and fathers day and shit. they are terrible "non attachement" parents who expect their son to bend over backwards to please them. and because he was raised to think this way, it is what he believes.

i am trying to let it not get to me and just have a good old time this weekend.

[angelachristin]

Ugh I know how you feel. My MIL is in her 70's as well and she is the most selfish person I've ever met. On Mother's Day she asked me what was the date of my last menstrual period--when I asked her why, she told me that she would use it to figure out my due date for me--like I hadn't already known that for 5 months, like you said? I mean seriously. I actually told her, "If you'd like to know my due date, just ask. I'm 5 months pregnant, I've known what it is for 5 months--did you think I was waiting on you for that?" She just giggled. The woman is bizarre. I showed her my 4D ultrasound photos and she barely glanced at them. She tries to pretend she is this doting grandmother but it's basically all for show--although she does do bizarre things like she knows money is really tight with my DH laid off, so she will bring over dinner--but JUST for DS. Like she will bring literally one precooked chicken breast from the supermarket deli and say, "I brought this for Jackson's dinner." So she wants to make sure her grandson has food but doesn't care about pregnant me or her own son! LOL.

[cristeen]

Honestly, it sounds like you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your DP about *your* family vs extended family. Your family comes first, period. If he can't accept that now, then it's a sign that you need to get yourselves into some couples counseling before you walk down the aisle - because marriage won't change that attitude.

[ilovejeff]

MIL's suck. Believe me, I know. I won't say anything else, because every comment I can think of is really mean.