3.5 yr old repeating sentences heard outside the home

[soccermama]

Recently, I've noticed that my DS has been repeating this particular sentence "what the hell is wrong with you?" - this has never been uttered in our house! How would you handle this? I've asked him where he's heard it and he doesn't know - shys away and says that he'll never say it again.

He still says "damn", "s**t", and "the F word" but only in a way that he's telling me that these words should never be said. Is this just his way of testing me or is he really understanding what we're trying to teach him? We've changed these words to "darn it", "shoot" and "truck"......

[SandraS]

That will happen, it's normal.

I tend to be of the camp that ignores it, unless it becomes persistent. When they say it, they're trying to get a reaction sometimes, and if I don't give them one, they'll often forget.

If it's persistent, I just tell them those are "big people" words, and try not to make a big deal out of it.

[academama]

I don't object to swearing, so my take on this might be different from yours [if it really bugs you, then you may want to be more proactive about stopping it]. I agree about terming it "a grown-up word"--I really don't think even a young child is too young to learn about context. I mean, I don't mind if my kids use a swear word if we're in the privacy of our family, and my 2-yo [almost 3] can already understand that it's not a good word to use in public because it upsets some people.

Obviously it's easier just to discourage it all around if you don't use those words in your family [I just don't feel I can do that since I use that language too--it doesn't seem fair or consistent to me, and I'm unlikely to change my language!]

[SandraS]

Originally Posted by academama

I don't object to swearing, so my take on this might be different from yours [if it really bugs you, then you may want to be more proactive about stopping it]. I agree about terming it "a grown-up word"--I really don't think even a young child is too young to learn about context. I mean, I don't mind if my kids use a swear word if we're in the privacy of our family, and my 2-yo [almost 3] can already understand that it's not a good word to use in public because it upsets some people.

Obviously it's easier just to discourage it all around if you don't use those words in your family [I just don't feel I can do that since I use that language too--it doesn't seem fair or consistent to me, and I'm unlikely to change my language!]

Okay, this is sort of off topic, but I have a funny story to tell. My then-14 year old son was at lacrosse practice when a ball hit him directly in the family jewels. The boy doubled over and shouted the "f" word as loud as can be - and I don't blame him! Anyways, the coach was near us, he about fell out laughing, but to "keep up appearances" to other parents he made my son do 20 pushups for his language.

I still think it's hysterical. LOL

[Just Elsa]

Is he saying it *to* people? I think I'd be inclined to stop and say, "Wow. That's a really hurtful thing to say. Did you know that's really mean and hurts feelings?" It's possible he hasn't quite made that connection. My kid generally stopped doing things at that age once he understood that they hurt people.

[NiteNicole]

My daughter is a repeater. Big time. Anytime she picks up a new and slightly blue phrase, I just correct her as if she misheard it. "What the hell's wrong with you" becomes, "What the heck is going on here" or something. Heck might not be ideal from a three year old but overall the whole phrase is a lot less in your face than "What the HELL is wrong with YOU."

She's pretty observant but as she's still learning new words and phrases all the time, she pretty much accepts the new phrase or word and moves on.

My husband is not as quick on his feet with the substitute phrases so his are sort of nonsensical. I think they're so random they don't stick in her head, so the whole thing is forgotten. "Goddammit" became something like "monkey hammock" and she just gave him this look like...ooohhhhh kaaaaay, Dad.

I'm sure there's a much better pc way of teaching life lessons about appropriate behavior and choosing your audience, but she's three and right now this is what works for us.

[soccermama]

Originally Posted by Just Elsa

Is he saying it *to* people? I think I'd be inclined to stop and say, "Wow. That's a really hurtful thing to say. Did you know that's really mean and hurts feelings?" It's possible he hasn't quite made that connection. My kid generally stopped doing things at that age once he understood that they hurt people.

No, he's not saying it to people - he mainly says it when he can see that I'm frustrated with something that he just did. He'll look at me, both hands (palms facing upward) and will say the sentence with the most innocent look on his face. The first time I heard it, I about fell out (I had to cover my face so that he wouldn't see me laughing), but he keeps saying it over and over....and it's become annoying and questionable of where he heard it.

[academama]

I should clarify--I would always try to nip it in the bud if it were being used TO another person [as an insult, whatever]. But as it is, it'll probably pass on its own if you just don't rise to it in any interesting way.