DH rant

[Pinkbruise]

So DH told me last night that NOBODY at his office is to know that we're planning a home birth. He already put off telling anyone at his office that I am pregnant until 2 weeks ago . . . Now everyone knows and they're starting to ask if I've schedule my c-section yet, or if I'll be doing it "natural" and which hospital we'll be going to.

DH doesn't feel like he can say that we're planning a home birth because he doesn't want to feel like a weirdo our an "outsider" He feels like he won't get anymore promotions or perhaps even lose his job if he "comes out of the home birth closet"

So I feel like I'm embarrassing him with a home birth and very unsupported.

DS and I usually visit DH at work from time to time... we haven't lately because he hadn't told anyone that I was pregnant, and he didn't want me coming in there looking all pregnant. Now we still can't visit him at work, because I told him if I'm asked "which hospital are you going to?" I'm going to tell them we're having a home birth . . . so he doesn't want me around if I can't keep my mouth shut.

I feel like he doesn't really want a home birth after all.... especially since he said he would find a way to pay for it . . . but hasn't done a darn thing.

[murphysaangel]

Well that certainly sucks! Sounds like he is being a bit passive-agressive and really wants you to give birth in a hospital. Have you asked him to read or watch anything with you about home birth? It might make him feel better about the choice. Men are weird when they are scared of something - especially because deep down inside it's just that he cares about you SO much that he doesn't want anything bad to happen to you! Once those fears are lessened I bet he'll be all-aboard the Home Birth Train and will be telling anyone who will listen that that's what you guys are doing!

I'd definitely recommend The Home Birth Advantage by Mayer Einstein. It's very guy-centered (like the Baseball reference???) and chock full of statistics.

Also The Business Of Being Born if you haven't already seen it together.

If he still is very adamant about not telling the work crew, just have something ready to say when you go visit, like "we're still deciding (between hospitals)" or just name the one you'll be going to for your mw's backup. It's not worth the big fight it would cause if you told the truth, IMO.

[hipmummy]

I think my DH would be hesistant to tell co-workers. Not because of the vs hospital thing. If we did HB our insurance would most likely not cover a planned hb but maybe and oops one and Our living situation is not HB friendly. If we had our own Home and insurance from another source I think he would be fine sharing.

[cristeen]

I agree with the pp about working on his attitude. It doesn't sound like he's at all supportive of a HB. BoBB is really great and you can get it from Netflix. But I completely agree with you about being unwilling to lie about it.

But I will say that my DH's co-workers surprised the both of us. When I told a female coworker of his that I was going to school to be a MW, she started raving about her HB. And when we announced the pregnancy, she told DH he just HAD to hire a doula for me. And this is someone who from all appearances would seem to be completely mainstream. Nobody else at his office even blinked.

[KayleeZoo]

I'm sorry you're feeling upset

I hope that you and DH can get on the same page- I'd be really hesitant to go into a birth if DH and I weren't fully "together" on the plan- but I know that it would affect me more than it might affect other people.

Regardless, I really hope that you can turn it around so that it's not causing you any more stress

[Pinkbruise]

I really thought he was supportive of home birth . . . We've watched BoBB and the screening of Orgasmic Birth and he's reading the Birth Partner right now.

He didn't get good reviews from his parents (who live across the street) when we told them about the HB... I think he just doesn't want to have to defended what he already believes is right... again!

He said he would tell his office after the fact.

murphysaangel - after thinking about what you said, I feel better. I know he really does support/want home birth . . . He's just not as "balls out" as I am when it comes to tellin people WHAT UP!

I'll still visit him at work, and if/when asked just say "We're still looking at all of the available options in our area. . ."

DH is the one that has to go to work there everyday (and he does go EVERYDAY!) so if he really feels like he can't mention this at work . . . I will respect that. He deserves that.