Originally Posted by LibraryLady
I've also read this thread with interest~ I'm a gold-star lesbian who's usually less-than-convinced by bisexuality, especially since, in 100% of my experience, women who tell me they're bi then tell me they're married to men. I promise I'm not here to be a troll or pick a fight, I just am hoping that those of you who are bi and married and are looking for a threesome will go to other bi, married women for those. It's really hurtful and insulting to lesbians to use them to experiment for yourself and entertain your husband.
Are you aware that, even though you're speaking from personal experience, you're expressing stereotypes of bisexuals that are very commonly held within the GLBT community in general? And, like any stereotype, it's hurtful. Bisexual people can have a very hard time finding acceptance within either the GLBT or heterosexual community, largely because of stereotypes such as this.
Like most stereotypes, I'm sure there is some basis in fact. I'm not denying people like this do exist. But it's hurtful and dismissive of those of us who are trying to be responsible and aware of the emotions and needs of others.
I've been attracted to females continuously since I was 10 (and males since 11). I married and had kids young, before sowing my wild oats much with either males or females, and at a point where I hadn't really come to terms with my sexuality yet. I think lesbians in some ways have it easier in this respect - you come to terms early with your sexuality or experience no (or unsatisfying heterosexual) relationships. Bisexual people can ignore or misunderstand same-sex attraction for a lot longer. And bisexual people find it easier to have unintended pregnancies that may change their plans
If I were unmarried and "experimenting" now, would be it be any less insulting? I'd think it could potentially be moreso, as I could realistically pass myself off as a lesbian with an interest in a long-term committed same-sex relationship in order to get the experience I wanted, and then go on and marry a guy when I was ready to settle down. Any "experimentation" (what defines "experimentation" vs. "relationship with someone with whom I experience mutual attraction, which may or may not work out in the long run, just as in any relationship"?) I do now is going to, by necessity and personal preference, be honest and above-board.
For what it's worth...
If I end up in a relationship with someone else, I would much prefer it to be someone else in a committed relationship (whether heterosexual or otherwise) with a similar level of outside support and responsibility. I don't want a secondary relationship with someone (regardless of gender/orientation) who is going to want me to fulfill a primary role. Ideally, I'd prefer that person to be bi, as I tend to relate better to others who are bisexual. But I'm not going to discriminate against a lesbian on the sole basis of their sexuality.
I have no desire to "entertain" DH. Chances are he would not be involved in any outside relationship in any form beyond knowing it existed and facilitating it by taking charge of the kids sometimes. He has had girlfriends during the course of our relationship who were bi, and I have not been involved in any way beyond friendship with any of them.
Anyways... I see my responsibility in a prospective relationship about being up-front about my marriage status, my kids, the fact that we're poly, everyone is fully aware, and we have no intention of breaking up, and any other responsibilities/entanglements in my life. If a lesbian (or anyone else) chooses to become involved with me knowing all this... isn't that her responsibility? Isn't she a grown-up who can make her own choices in this matter?
(Sorry about the rant, but couldn't resist on bi awareness/visibility/whatever day and all