Sitting quietly?

[morganlefay]

At what age do you think a child can be taught to sit quietly in certain situations? And how do you enforce this rule (gently)?

[ASusan]

Briefly, we expect our son, 20 mos, to sit quietly in restaurants and other public places that aren't appropriate to yelling or running around. We're fine if he talks, but no yelling. Easy for us to say at this point because he's not a yeller or screecher. If he's not able to do this in the restaurant high chair, one of us holds him. He is not allowed to wander around in a restaurant or store, unless it is PBKids. (We rarely go shopping, but we do go out to eat at least 1-3 times a week.) DH is better at keeping him quiet and still when it is required. For example, we took DS into the dr and then to get an x-ray at the hospital this am. DH did most of the holding for the exam and went into the x-ray room with DS. He seems to have a gentle power over DS to keep him quiet and focused. I use books and other distractions (e.g., boob) if I have to keep him quiet or still.

If DS is not able to be quiet - like at a couple of concerts we've taken him to - then we remove him from the situation. After removal, I talk to him quietly outside the auditorium about how we want to go in to listen to the music and see the instruments, and he has to hold still and be quiet. When he's settled, we go back in. I haven't yet been able to sit through an ENTIRE concert, except the Children's Symphony and Children's Choir, because these are short. But our concert sitting is getting longer and longer. A few weeks ago, we did an hour of piano/violin recital before having to leave, and we were able to go back in for one more song before having to leave for good.

I don't know if this is typical for 20 mos or not. DS is NOT the type to sit still and play with a toy or get engrossed with something. He is constantly moving about and active.

[Storm Bride]

I honestly think it varies so much from child to child that it's almost impossible to state an age.

DS1 attended my uncle's funeral when he was seven. He sat through the most tedious, boring funeral service I've ever attended, and didn't even fidget. (This can't be said for many of the adults, and a couple of people even left...not quite as unreasonable as it sounds, and at least two had other commitment that they couldn't get out of, and hadn't expected the service to last over two hours.) He was able to sit quietly and behave himself for a reasonably long period of time (say 30-45 minutes) from about 18 months or two years.

DD is fine, if she's absorbed in what she's seeing. If she's not, she fidgets a lot, and has a great deal of difficulty sitting still. She's 6.

DS2? I have no idea. He's almost 4, and the only time he sits still is when I stick him in front of the plug-in-drug. *sigh*

[ssh]

I'm not sure the word "taught" is appropriate. I think being able to sit still or quietly is a temperament and impulse control issue. Some children need to be moving most of the time. Those children would have to have enough impulse control to overcome their need to be moving.

My younger DD could sit quietly in restaurants until she was about 22 months, and then she just couldn't be still very long. We began being able to go back to restaurants when she was almost 3. She isn't really quiet any longer and isn't really still. She climbs under the table and moves from sitting by me and DH. She also stands in her seat at the booth. Our favorite restaurant has an aquarium she can look at from two of their booths, and it's noisy. We can do movie theaters only when she really wants to see the particular movie. Ice age 3 will be the second time she's gone.

My older DD, who's 23 now, never had a problems sitting still as long as she had something to draw on. We never had a time when we couldn't go to restaurants or shopping with her. She was verbal earlier than DD2 and just didn't have the need to be in constant motion. They were both climbers though. Kids are just too different to say when they can sit still and quiet. I would think most could by 7 or so, not sure.

[mom2grrls]

Like others it just depends on the child. My girls(now 7 and 10) have always been ok in sitting still for the most part. My son(5) needed time and really could only do it quite recently.

[NiteNicole]

Before I had kids, if you had asked me if a three year old should be able to sit still and be quiet for an extended period, I would have said yes, most certainly, they should know how to do that by three!

Now I have my very own three year old who most certainly CAN NOT sit still and be quiet. She just can not. Only in the last two months or so has she really been able to sit through a meal out. It's not that no one tried to "teach" her, she just couldn't. Even if she was TRYING, even if she responded to every single reminder by sitting down and being quiet for a minute or two, she just couldn't keep it up. She's very wiggly, very chatty, and she wants to see EVERYTHING.

She does ride well in the car, she entertains herself for long periods, she can look at a book, draw, paint, play doh, or just do imagining things fairly quietly, but she's just as likely to sing and have ellaborate conversations between hear hands (like her hands are dogs or cats and talk to her and each other and put on plays). I can not imagine trying to take her to a funeral or to church and having her "hand puppies" discover a sudden need to do the full score of The Little Mermaid - actually, I can. In vivid detail.

I don't know when "sit down and be quiet" will happen for her. I don't think it will be soon.

[LynnS6]

Somewhere between 6 and 12 . I'd expect most kids to be able to sit for 15-20 minutes by about age 6, 30 minutes by age 8. Many kids can do this earlier, but it wouldn't surprise me if say a 6 year old couldn't sit still for 30 minutes.

A LOT of it depends on the temperament of the child, along with the time of day, how much exercise the child has gotten that day, whether they're hungry or tired and whether they have anything to engage their attention.

When our kids were under 3, I would expect about 5-10 minutes, be happy with 15 and ecstatic with 30. So, if we went out to eat (which we rarely do), we would expect that between the time we ordered and the food came that one of us would be up walking around. Ditto after the child had finished their food.

When we took plane trips with kids, I would bring a different activity for about every 15 minutes. I expected to go to the bathroom 1-2 times on a 3 hour flight.

Ds is 8 now and can sit through a church service, but gets antsy after about 45 minutes. But he does a good job of containing it. Dd is 5, and could sit through a church service but much much prefers to be in the nursery playing (it's her last year there).

[Ruthie's momma]

I agree that it depends upon the child. DD, almost 2 yo, is a fairly easy-going person. So, that makes being out and about much easier. I expect DD to speak somewhat softly and remain close-by. I let her have some freedom if only to use it as an opportunity to teach her what is expected of her. But, I also remember that she is an active toddler.

She is usually happy to "hang out" when shopping, eating out, and attending events. She can entertain herself for somewhat long periods of time, in most situations. She will busy herself by drawing, talking with us, reading, people watching, and snacking. Plus, 'Sesame Street' via the iPod doesn't hurt either....

For example, today I took her into a local toy store. I wore her in the sling for about half of the time. Although I could have kept her on me, I knew that if I let her walk around a bit she could "practice" learning self control. The other half of the time, DD played at the train table. Twice I needed to remind her that she could only play with the trains on the train table and not the packaged trains on the shelves. Each time, she quickly obliged. When it was time to leave, I told her that we needed to make our way to the door. I was able to browse through the store, DD got to play with the trains, and we both left happy.

But, DD is uneasy around a couple of people in her life (my in-laws...they just don't spend enough time with her). If we eat out with my MIL, DD remains glued to me/fusses and all of the above flies out the window...

[octobermom]

all ages realy but my response to when it doesn't happens differs. As an infant I responded with the breast a walk playing pass the baby as a toddler we talked before brought or snacks and toys walked before and didn't sit down till food or the show started seated close to exits ect a few years latter we started placing a bit more responsibility onto her as we saw her mature. Today we actually expect shes can sit still for long periods we also expect that shes will prepare herself choosign a coloring book or a storybook ect to bring to keep her occupied.

Deanna

[hipumpkins]

My Ds always could. He can be very peaceful and quiet. He will be 4 at the end of this month. My DD at 6.5 still can not sit still for 15 minutes.

[flower01]

My DD is 25 months and just started being quiet and calm enough for us to sit through church. Up until now I've mainly stayed in the cry room, but the last 2 weeks were really great. She doesn't sit still the whole time...and she does talk to me...but I can remind her that we need to be quiet at church and she quiets down. Obviously, I have books, a snack, and other quiet toys that keep her entertained, but I am really excited that I finally get to sit in the actual church again. That is definitely good enough for me. I have noticed other kids younger than her have been sitting quietly in church for awhile, but they usually have a bottle in their mouth or they've obviously been trained.

[Breeder]

I don't expect a child to sit quietly without distraction until they are about 6 yrs old and then only for a limited period of time.

With distractions, from about 2 on and then also only for a limited period of time.

When my oldest was around 2 we started keeping a small toddler sized backpack in the car, in it we put paper and crayons, books, small toys and games that would entertain him. This backpack was a lifesaver in waiting rooms and resturants.

I figure they have plenty of time to deal with boring stuff, keeping these things with us keeps the kid happy which makes the parents happy.

[LuxPerpetua]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

Before I had kids, if you had asked me if a three year old should be able to sit still and be quiet for an extended period, I would have said yes, most certainly, they should know how to do that by three!

Now I have my very own three year old who most certainly CAN NOT sit still and be quiet. She just can not. Only in the last two months or so has she really been able to sit through a meal out. It's not that no one tried to "teach" her, she just couldn't. Even if she was TRYING, even if she responded to every single reminder by sitting down and being quiet for a minute or two, she just couldn't keep it up. She's very wiggly, very chatty, and she wants to see EVERYTHING.

She does ride well in the car, she entertains herself for long periods, she can look at a book, draw, paint, play doh, or just do imagining things fairly quietly, but she's just as likely to sing and have ellaborate conversations between hear hands (like her hands are dogs or cats and talk to her and each other and put on plays). I can not imagine trying to take her to a funeral or to church and having her "hand puppies" discover a sudden need to do the full score of The Little Mermaid - actually, I can. In vivid detail.

I don't know when "sit down and be quiet" will happen for her. I don't think it will be soon.

This is so my child, too!

At 3.5 she's just now getting to where she can sit through a restaurant meal or a long car ride. We flew on an airplane recently and she hardly used any of the toys I brought because everything was so new an interesting that it kept her occupied. Sometimes she's perfectly content to just sit and sing, and other times she needs to move around and explore. It depends on the situation. A year ago, though, there was no way I would have taken her out to eat or to church.

[Breeder]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

I can not imagine trying to take her to a funeral or to church and having her "hand puppies" discover a sudden need to do the full score of The Little Mermaid - actually, I can. In vivid detail.

OT: My son had "hand ducks" at that age. They had names AND superpowers. Benny with the power of FAST on the right and Harold with the power of CIRCLES on the left.

[4inMyHeart3inArms]

I never thought about this. My kids seem to manage to sit still when I need them to - like resteraunts and such, but not when I want them to - the rest of the time (lol) they've always been this way from birth, they seem to just "sense" I need them to sit still. Sometimes I have to remind them to please sit nicely but thats not often either. We don't go out much either, so it's not a normal occurance. I cant really give a reason why they are that way in this reguard - luck? I don't know how "long" they sit still for. An entire grocery shopping trip, most of a trip to a resteraunt, happy for long car rides, etc.

[claddaghmom]

totally depends on the kid. dd is 7 months and already seems to understand when it is appropriate to be loud and when to be quiet/sit still. or at least she is copying us if it's not voluntary.

meanwhile it seems some kids have a mouse in their shirt lol