Originally Posted by CatsCradle
Histories mean a lot to many people. My parents were horrified when they met DH. Horrified at his potential to be a good husband and parent. Horrified that he wasn't religious in the way that they felt was appropriate. Btwn: one is not an "atheist" just because you don't believe in the Judeo-Christian concept of g-d...DH is agnostic...which comes with its own problems...but he is not an atheist.
Whoops. Sorry. I'm agnostic myself, so I don't know why I took your post to mean he was an atheist.
|Religion means a great deal in some circles and cultures. Religion can define who you are. Age can define how you parent according to some. My parents and kin were horrified that I would marry someone from that excessive, liberal and unrepentant generation who went to Woodstock and marched on Washington in various protests. I guess it is hard for someone who is not of that generation to understand the significance of the rebellion and distain that young people of that generation had for their superiors. It is significant to me in the fact that I married someone who was not the straight arrow that I was expected to marry. My familial relationships have suffered as a result. For people who are not judged on their religious, political or cultural choices, I can understand that this would NOT BE A BIG DEAL.
I get all that. However, it has nothing to do with someone's current stance on parenting issues. If people are horrified by someone's politics, worldview, etc., then, yes, in some cases, that's going to translate into "this person should never have children". That's not the same thing as choosing to parent with someone who is currently
showing no signs of willingness to take on the responsibilities of parenting. The latter is what I was addressing.
|My dad was the example of the perfect match: a professional who never did anything wrong or unethical in his youth. My mom married him on those principles.
And, none of that says "this person will be a good parent". Those things have nothing
to do with parenting.
|And guess what, he was the most distant, unloving person and uninvolved person I've ever known....and he came home every night after 5 pm and never had a drink that I'm aware of. I never had a father, in my opinion. Never one that cared or loved, so to speak. So I guess what they say is true: you can never judge a book by its cover. Exteriors are so deceiving.
Sure. Exteriors are deceiving. But, you haven't described anything about your dh or
your dad that actually says anything about what kind of parent they would make. Basing a person's parenting on what their politics are, or what their religious beliefs are, or what kind of people they hung out with years ago, or what they do for a living, is a disconnect with what parenting is. There are tons
of people who can describe exactly what you did...professional, ethical people who are distant and unloving. How on earth does what mistakes someone may or may not have made in their past or what job they have carry any bearing on what kind of parent they'll be?
Sure - lots of crappy parents don't drink. But, I wasn't talking about them. I simply don't understand why anyone looks at a guy who has a party hearty lifestyle and who is all about what's fun for them
...and thinks, "he's not a great dad now, but I bet if we have a baby, that will all change". It happens a lot. It virtually never actually works that way. It's not about politics, or religion, or Woodstock, or a person's career...it's about whether or not they demonstrate any ability to put someone else first.
ETA: I'm going to drop this, though - we're going way OT.