or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Do you keep your kids away from other kids?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Do you keep your kids away from other kids? - Page 4

post #61 of 114
I don't keep my kids away from other kids or kids who are "bad influences" I don't see the point. I can't do it their entire lives. Instead, I work on giving them the tools to think for themselves and how to deal with people who are leading them to do the wrong thing. Our children are going to encounter "bad influences" as children, teens, adults and into old age. We can't shelter them forever.
post #62 of 114
To me, it's not usually children that are inherently the problem. I think everyone has issues-- it's how they are ADDRESSED that I look at. If a child does something wrong (excludes children, calls people names, hits, etc.) and a parent is right there to address it then I think it's OK; we are all a work in progress. If children come to my house without their parents, then I think I have the right to handle discipline with them. This is how I feel with my children at others' homes (so obviously, I am very picky with who they are with alone). If the parents don't like that, then either they should come over w/their children or no more playdates.
post #63 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raene View Post
In our grandparents generation kids would have NEVER behaved like that. If parents find it unacceptable, children learn...but because parents seem to do nothing, the kids continue.

I don't think that's necessarily true. I was talking to a friend of the family who has been teaching for the past 60 years and is now a principal. He says that kids are kids. Their fashions have changed over the years, but they are still basically the same. People just idealize the good ole times.
post #64 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by ALittleBitCrunchy View Post
I don't see how this is prejudice. I checked Merriam..


I am making a judgment based on what I see. I have sufficient knowledge, I have a rational reason for my decision, and I make this judgment at the time that it's warranted. If there is a child that is mean, cruel, obnoxious, rude, whatever...I am judging THAT CHILD based on SPECIFIC EVENTS/ SITUATIONS that I have witnessed or that my children tell me about, with their first-hand experience. People are judged based on how they present themselves - children included. I refuse to allow my children to be exposed to hate, anger, or behaviors that I feel are inappropriate for their age. It isn't prejudice. It's life. If I was rude, obnoxious and cruel and people didn't want to talk to me...that is perfectly within their rights. I wouldn't be prejudiced against...I would deserve to have negative judgments against me.
I think you misunderstood.....I'm not talking about keeping a child from another who is mean, but saying that ALL kids are rude and obnoxious (except the OP's, of course!). *That* is prejudice and should be addressed as such without watering it down. Saying there are 'a few exceptions but in general..' does not change the fact. There are not exceptions to the monstrosity of children. Children are not monsters because they are children.

This topic is making me very heated and I think I'd better bow out now while I still have a civil tongue than continue to shout how appalled I am.
post #65 of 114
We have a pretty small social circle and so far we're fairly lucky that we live in a nice community with nice kids. There's always a small exception, of course, but generally people are pretty pleasant.

I know a mom who keeps her kids very close and essentially waits for families to prove their same-ness to her parenting ideals and philosophies before allowing much contact. It works out well for them, although it does come across as a little fear based-but that's not my buisness. We apparently passed the test because one of the children was allowed to come to our home for a party, unsupervised by the mom. She told me how lucky I was to be trusted enough to have this child in my home (school aged child). I found that to be off putting frankly.
post #66 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by karne View Post
We have a pretty small social circle and so far we're fairly lucky that we live in a nice community with nice kids. There's always a small exception, of course, but generally people are pretty pleasant.

I know a mom who keeps her kids very close and essentially waits for families to prove their same-ness to her parenting ideals and philosophies before allowing much contact. It works out well for them, although it does come across as a little fear based-but that's not my buisness. We apparently passed the test because one of the children was allowed to come to our home for a party, unsupervised by the mom. She told me how lucky I was to be trusted enough to have this child in my home (school aged child). I found that to be off putting frankly.
Offputting to say it mildly!

I actually like my kids to come in contact with people with different parenting philosophies, different political philosophies, all kinds of differences. They know that there are more ways to look at things than the way their parents see it. I guess we would like them to choose their values mindfully, rather than simply take ours by default.
post #67 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by karne View Post
She told me how lucky I was to be trusted enough to have this child in my home
yea, you really hit the jackpot, you lucky lady!!! maybe your luck will continue to increase & you can have even more playdates!
post #68 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post

I actually like my kids to come in contact with people with different parenting philosophies, different political philosophies, all kinds of differences. They know that there are more ways to look at things than the way their parents see it. I guess we would like them to choose their values mindfully, rather than simply take ours by default.
I don't mind those differences at all-- it's other issues that I worry about (DH says too much) when letting my children go to other people's homes.
post #69 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyGrace View Post
You know, if a person came on here and said they were keeping their kids away from black people because they're awful, it would be prejudice. If a person came on here and said they were keeping their kids away from Jews because they're nasty, that would be prejudice.

No matter how the reasons are dressed up, this conversation is all about prejudice. There's no justification for it, no reason to pretend it's okay. I do hope that those who ARE keeping their kids away from all others are putting away money for therapy later - dealing with such hate and disdain in their own family they will need it.
I am very upset to find this sort of attitude on a board that is about gentle, caring parenting. The two are not compatible in the least.
I can agree that if people are choosing to keep their kids away from all other kids, or from kids who are part of certain groups (ie public schooled, daycare, etc), based only on the other kids' membership of the groups, that is pre-judging the other kids, aka prejudice. However if a parent is choosing to limit her child's exposure to individual or a group of specific kids (not just based on membership in a category) due to their behavior and its affect on her child/children, that is not pre-judging, because it is based on the other individual kids' actual behavior.
post #70 of 114
Quote:
I don't mind those differences at all-- it's other issues that I worry about (DH says too much) when letting my children go to other people's homes.
I am very reluctant to send my children to other people's homes when I don't know the family well. There are people I've offended and times the kids have gotten mad at me, and I'm ok with that. I let ds1 play outside at most of our neighbor's houses, but he's only allowed in a few of them.
post #71 of 114
We've lived abroad and traveled as a family unit, which has had the unintended but interesting result of making our family circle very tight, and peer influnce on the kids not overly strong.

However, we've been in one place for the last year. What really impresses me is that my three older children (5,7,9) choose really great kids to be friends with. Even the ruffian, somewhat neglected boy next door is (and my kids picked up on this before I did) a kind person and a grand companion who can play across the ages range (he's six). I like that in a kid!
post #72 of 114
I have a question to the OP, because I'm not sure I'm comrehending the extent of the situation here: You dislike children of this generation and call them monsters, yet your example of atrocious behaviour is poor table manners in a 5-6 year old? Is this the worst you've encountered?

Why would you think that your children, who spend the majority of their time with you anyway, and are presumably exposed to the standards of your family, would be negatively affected by a child with poor table manners? Why is that assumed that inappropriate behaviours would be found attractive and thus copied? In 2 years olds, maybe. But a 5 and 6 year old won't automatically copy a behaviour.
post #73 of 114
I think it's the parents of "those kids" that I try to keep my kid's away from. I think the pendulum has swung away from "punishment parenting" to parent's becoming uncomfortable setting limits or boundaries.

I recall my friend and I went to a mom's meeting. I think up to that time we considered ourselves gentle in our parenting styles. My friend spent the entire time shielding her child from blows from other children. The parents did nothing. We left asking, "Why would it be acceptable for your child's right to express themselves be greater than my child's right to safety and freedom from bodily harm?"

There is age appropriate behavior and then there is outright disrespect. To have a child say something inappropriate at a dinner table will happen. It's the parent who has to step in and make it a teachable moment.

I have a close friend and her kid's are difficult. Our children spend very little time together. I don't think my kid's need to watch her kid's kick her and call her names.
post #74 of 114
I let my kids associate with other kids whose behavior I don't always like, and whose parents don't parent exactly the way I do. Sometimes this is because said parents are my friends. Examples: my best childhood friend, an athiest, is letting her DH raise their daughters in his church; as a result, they are very expressive of their religion, which is distinctly different from ours. Another example: a friend in the SCA who spanks (well, the dad does, the mom's not so thrilled about that form of discipline), and whose house I haven't been able to let DD go to because it's such a mess (like, borderline wondering if my friend is a hoarder or has other serious prob messy, with nasty roach infestation). Their kids are also heavily steeped in TV pop culture, manifesting by turns a Power Rangers and then a Bakugan obsession; I've tried to limit the media influence on DD's toys a bit more. I babysit the SCA friend's kids regularly, and they all play great together. I'm considering letting DD go visit at their house after they've moved, since they seem to be leaving the mess behind.

The neighborhood kids I have a bigger problem with; DD wants to go out and play with them, so I let her try, but the families closest to us have a combination of girls a few years older, and boys close to her age. The girls don't want to play with her much because they think she's too young, and will walk her home saying they have to go inside, then keep playing outside, which hurts DD's feelings (partly because she doesn't need to be walked home, and partly because they're clearly still playing). And the boys usually just don't want to play with her because she's a girl and physically smaller than them.

The kids in her homeschool enrichment group last year left me less than thrilled; at the end of the year, DD took the class picture while I was sleeping and scribbled out all the boys' pictures and circled the girls. I know part of this has to do with age-typical gender association, but part is also due to the teasing they did over her short haircut last year, of kids saying she looked like a boy. The irony there is that she herself still tries to categorize kids as boy/girl based on short/long hair. She wanted to dye her hair blue a few weeks ago, but wasn't entirely sure about it because she was afraid people would think she was a boy. I assured her it would wash out before Eagleridge started up in the fall (she knew SCA friend kids wouldn't tease her; her friend Thomas, for all that he's boy-pop-culture obsessed, usually dresses up in her pink princess dress when he comes over, lol), and I think it helped that when my sister came to get her last week to take her back to Texas for a visit, she had blue streaks in her hair.

To make a long story short, I do endeavor to ensure that adult family are DD's main role models, seconded by her 13 and 11 yo. stepbrothers (who for all that their mom lets them watch horror movies and the one is a bit too video-game obssessed for my taste, are young gentlemen and good role models for behavior and manners) and that her most-seen peers are friends' kids who, though their families may do things differently, are generally at least as well-behaved as DD.
post #75 of 114

Ot

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravin View Post
And the boys usually just don't want to play with her because she's a girl and physically smaller than them.
Really? I honestly thought that stuff like this only happens on TV. We've lived in several different neighborhoods due to military transfers, and I've never seen boys and girls shun each other during play solely because of gender.
post #76 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
Really? I honestly thought that stuff like this only happens on TV. We've lived in several different neighborhoods due to military transfers, and I've never seen boys and girls shun each other during play solely because of gender.
i see it all of the time here. my kids play really awesome together, but even when my dd has friends over to play, the dynamic sometimes chages toward my son & i have to become much more present (it's like he's the "enemy" or something & although it starts off as a game...it usually becomes unfair play quickly). i usually play games with him alone, or i'll find activities everyone can enjoy while i oversee the project. i'm also part of a very large secular homeschool group & they have several gender specific playgroups. we can't attend any because i have a boy and a girl. i've even asked if i could bring my daughter and was told no. the organizer is amazing & she took time to explain why they prefer it all boys...it actually made sense and i was fine with it, but it still stinks because i'd love to take my son to make friends.
post #77 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
Really? I honestly thought that stuff like this only happens on TV. We've lived in several different neighborhoods due to military transfers, and I've never seen boys and girls shun each other during play solely because of gender.
I would guess that it's less likely to happen in HS'ing groups, but I can tell you for certain that it does happen in PS. It happened when I was a child and going to school and playing in our neighborhood, and it happened to my ds before we began homeschooling. He was teased for playing with girls on the playground to the point that he didn't play with anyone - boys or girls. s
post #78 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
Homeschooling doesn't necessarily produce kind, well-mannered children. I've met three homeschooled kids over the years that neither I nor my kids could stand being around.
Oh yeah. I can say the same for "AP/crunchy" kids too. Sometimes the parents do the "right" things but the kids are still hard to be around.
post #79 of 114
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by midnightwriter View Post
I have a question to the OP, because I'm not sure I'm comrehending the extent of the situation here: You dislike children of this generation and call them monsters, yet your example of atrocious behaviour is poor table manners in a 5-6 year old? Is this the worst you've encountered?

Why would you think that your children, who spend the majority of their time with you anyway, and are presumably exposed to the standards of your family, would be negatively affected by a child with poor table manners? Why is that assumed that inappropriate behaviours would be found attractive and thus copied? In 2 years olds, maybe. But a 5 and 6 year old won't automatically copy a behaviour.
Not the worst, no, but it's a good example.

And maybe your child/ren are very different from mine, but my girl is very influenced by others and LOVES attention. Yes, she's quick to pick up the good bad and ugly behaviors of others.
post #80 of 114
Quote:
Their kids are also heavily steeped in TV pop culture, manifesting by turns a Power Rangers and then a Bakugan obsession;
My non-"heavily steeped in TV pop culture" son loved Power Rangers when he was 7, and his friends (4 homeschooled brothers) are really into Bakugan right now. It's normal for children to go through phases where they're totally into one thing or another.

Ds' thing with Power Rangers was after seeing one commercial at Grandma's house while we were visiting. What eventually "cured" it was giving up and letting him watch the movies. Then he moved on.

Quote:
I've never seen boys and girls shun each other during play solely because of gender.
Honestly, I think that's a natural thing. I've seen kids of all ages (ok, not babies) do it during play. Homeschooled, public schooled and private schooled. As long as they're not being mean about it and everyone has someone to play with, I leave it alone.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Do you keep your kids away from other kids?