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Do you keep your kids away from other kids? - Page 5

post #81 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraLoo View Post
I would guess that it's less likely to happen in HS'ing groups, but I can tell you for certain that it does happen in PS.
I was referring to the actual neighborhoods we've lived in. None of our neighbors are homeschoolers, and never have been. And I've seen kids not wanting to play with other kids out of mere dislike for that particular kid, but not because of gender.

And I went to public school and don't recall gender bias, either. I mostly played with girls at recess, because it was the girls who were jumping rope and playing jacks and doing other things I liked to do. But there were girls playing kickball/dodgeball with boys, tag, etc.

Anyhoo...back to the subject at hand....
post #82 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raene View Post
In our grandparents generation kids would have NEVER behaved like that. If parents find it unacceptable, children learn...but because parents seem to do nothing, the kids continue.
The kids probably were not invited to the dinner in the first place. When my grandmother was parenting my mother, it was a very adult centered world. Kids had their own world, it didn't combine as it does now.
post #83 of 114
You know, it's never occurred to me to intentionally keep my children away from other children. I mean, don't get me wrong-- I'm selective about the company we keep and if I think someone is a bad influence, I discourage the friendship or, at the very least, try to keep things at our house so I have some control over the situation. But I think it's a very important life skill to know how to get along with all kinds of people, not just the ones who think and act like we do. As a matter of fact, this was one of the reasons I signed my daughter up for the regular ballet class and not the homeschool one. I don't want her only hanging out with homeschoolers.

Raene, I didn't see how old your kids are, but how long do you plan on this working? Or do you live someplace where you're really isolated? My oldest is ten, and asks to go out and play with the neighborhood kids. I can't really see myself saying "No, I'm sorry, I don't like that little boy so you can't either." I mean, if the little boy tortured kitties or yelled cuss words at random passerbys I would have a reason, but I can't see justifying refusing to let him learn to negotiate his own friendships just because I didn't like children.

ETA: OK, you have a three-year-old and one on the way? Am I reading that correctly? Three-year-olds imitate everything. I think it's definitely a great goal to foster friendships with people who are worthy of imitation, but seriously, I would not get bent out of shape over my three imitating another three. I think a more important lifeskill is to help them learn to sift through what's worthy of imitation and what isn't. Just my two cents.
post #84 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by ALittleBitCrunchy View Post
I don't see how this is prejudice. I checked Merriam..


Then call it ageism if you want a different word. I've been on the receiving end of ageism and it hurts. I was a slightly young parent (compared to the group I wanted to enter, which were the older parents with planned pregnancies, I was determined to learn from them) and people judged me early on until they got to know me and saw I was a loving capable parent. I had to prove myself... totally unfair. You are judging an entire age of humans. These are the people your child will work with, marry, and when its her choice socialize with.

You need to find a circle you are comfortable with and socialize your child. Your experience with today's children is not universal I assure you, I meet kids at our hs park day who are far better behaved then my ds all the time. And I really work on his attitude and behavior daily. I kind of hope those kids do rub off on him.
post #85 of 114
Moved to parenting, since this isn't really a homeschooling topic.
post #86 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeepyCat View Post
Complaints about the general worthlessness and rudeness of youth have been on record since Ancient Greece. And the reason we don't have them from before that is that the records deteriorate.

I don't know how old your daughter is, but you are going to need to overcome your aversion to kids her age. Ideally, soon. My son is two, and while yes, he has picked up the occasional bit of bad behavior at daycare, he's also taken some bad behavior in. It's not like the devil-children at the DC corrupted my innocent angel. It's more like, they all got together and compared notes.

Anyone who has ever been lonely has some level of desire to fit in, so you're probably best off finding a group of parents you like and kids your own child's age who you can cope with.
I love this entire post so very, very much.
post #87 of 114
Honestly, I can see keeping either of my kids away from other children... Unless the other child poses a serious risk to the physical safety of my child, I would rather they not learn to shun those who are different in their opinions or ideas.

I also agree with those who have said thus far that judging all the children in this generation (save for those select few who get deemed "ok") is a form of prejudice. You are judging everyone in a group based on the actions of a few and labelling good kids as "monsters" before you even meet them. Yes there are kids out there who are down right nasty, and there are parents who do nothing. But by far, most kids and parents are decent human beings.

As for previous generations being better... I believe it was Socrates who said "Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers."

Every single generation is going to complain about the younger generation. It's inevitable. It doesn't make it true though.

Given the OP described an entire generation the same way, I feel I should point out that when we have a preconcieved notion of how a group of people behave or what they are capable or incapable of, we tend to ignore that which doesn't fit into out opinion and obsess over that which does.

How do we expect children to learn to "stand on their own two feet" with their peers, if they are never given the chance to practice?
post #88 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raene View Post
Maybe I'm just living in the wrong place. This kind of behavior would never have been tolerated a few generations ago...
I feel the same way, that my children do so many things that I just never would have been able to get away with, but part of the reason we couldn't get away with it is because we knew we would face serious punishment.

My daughter has told me a number of times that she hates my food and it's disgusting, and she has ended up in tears when we told her she is free not to eat food she finds disgusting, but I'm not going to make another dinner for her when she won't even try a single bite of it. She disliked some food a friend of mine made--it was tuna salad, but she had no mayonnaise so she used olive oil, and my daughter didn't like it at all and basically said that in front of my friend. I took her away and talked to her about how that was rude, it took her awhile to see it. But she thinks it is just being honest and people should understand that not everyone likes the same things. We ended up leaving the house for the play date because she was unhappy, not willing or maybe just not able to keep her emotions in check, and I didn't think it was fair to the hosts.

My personal view is that children feel free to say these things because they are safe to do it. I was not safe from bodily harm or censure if I were to say things like that, plus I wanted people to like me. I can get angry and speak sharply to my daughter, but things don't necessarily change at least not for a long time, it seems. It takes a long time for children to really realize that life is more than just what they see in their own little world.

I believe, and I know some will disagree, if a child that you've invited for dinner tells you that your food is disgusting, you should say something to the child about it. Maybe that you find these comments hurtful and you find it rude that they would say this to you. That might actually mean more coming from you than from their own parents, since you are the one who is being hurt by the comment.
post #89 of 114
in 25 years our kids will be complaining about how bad their kids generation is.

It's the circle of life!
post #90 of 114
No.

I'm something of a misanthrope but save drug trafficking and similar habits, my kid can pick her own friends. They are her friends- I don't have to like them!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raene View Post
Quote:
In our grandparents generation kids would have NEVER behaved like that. If parents find it unacceptable, children learn...but because parents seem to do nothing, the kids continue.
The kids probably were not invited to the dinner in the first place. When my grandmother was parenting my mother, it was a very adult centered world. Kids had their own world, it didn't combine as it does now.
Or, the kid said that, got hit, and shut up to finish the dinner in misery. I hate how when kids misbehave and are punished, it is somehow better than when they misbehave and are explained how to do it better. The behavior is the same!
post #91 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
No.

I'm something of a misanthrope but save drug trafficking and similar habits, my kid can pick her own friends. They are her friends- I don't have to like them!



Or, the kid said that, got hit, and shut up to finish the dinner in misery. I hate how when kids misbehave and are punished, it is somehow better than when they misbehave and are explained how to do it better. The behavior is the same!
Or the kid that said that was removed from the table and spent the rest of the night in their room, not getting another meal until breakfast.

I'd conform pretty quickly if I knew I would be hit and starved for trying to make myself heard and not just seen.
post #92 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaMonica View Post
Moved to parenting, since this isn't really a homeschooling topic.
Thank you!!!
post #93 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Or the kid that said that was removed from the table and spent the rest of the night in their room, not getting another meal until breakfast.

I'd conform pretty quickly if I knew I would be hit and starved for trying to make myself heard and not just seen.
Yup. Most people I speak to were like me -- well behaved because the consequences sucked.

Aside from bullying or safety issues, I feel it is my job to work hard to instill our families values and morals and talk to ds about other behavior as much as possible so he is ready to deal with the world when he is out in it.

And frankly, obnoxious kids/lack of discipline comes in all forms, not just from public school families. I, personally, have observed negative behavior on the playground with the homeschool families.

I certainly do no think this is the case with all homeschool situations, I would never generalize like that.
post #94 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Honestly, I can see keeping either of my kids away from other children... Unless the other child poses a serious risk to the physical safety of my child, I would rather they not learn to shun those who are different in their opinions or ideas.

I also agree with those who have said thus far that judging all the children in this generation (save for those select few who get deemed "ok") is a form of prejudice. You are judging everyone in a group based on the actions of a few and labelling good kids as "monsters" before you even meet them. Yes there are kids out there who are down right nasty, and there are parents who do nothing. But by far, most kids and parents are decent human beings.

As for previous generations being better... I believe it was Socrates who said "Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers."

Every single generation is going to complain about the younger generation. It's inevitable. It doesn't make it true though.

Given the OP described an entire generation the same way, I feel I should point out that when we have a preconcieved notion of how a group of people behave or what they are capable or incapable of, we tend to ignore that which doesn't fit into out opinion and obsess over that which does.

How do we expect children to learn to "stand on their own two feet" with their peers, if they are never given the chance to practice?
:
post #95 of 114
Nope, because they need to learn and adapt and make choices, and they won't be living in my shadow. Yup, they pick up things and yup, it's unavoidable. It's all part of growing.
post #96 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raene View Post
I just picked up a copy of "Hold on to Your Kids" and the author goes into detail about what I'm feeling...that kids these days aren't as well-mannered as previous generations. His theory is that children follow their peers instead of adults and therefore don't learn to listen to adults. This seems like it's really true of what I see going on. Kids believe other kids more than adults.
I've read this book. I never got the message "keep your kid away from kids". There is harm in either extreme.

Quote:
I don't really know what to do...I know it would be wrong to keep her completely from other kids, but it's very tempting until she's at an age when she can stand on her own two feet, understand what isn't right (behavior-wise), and follow her heart instead of just wanting to fit in.
You guide, teach, talk. You choose friends selectively. You trust your children to learn right from wrong in an imperfect world.

But, also, you realize that kids are kids, and your own children are not perfect. Your own children will have negative behaviors to share with others. Your own children will sometimes embarrass and frustrate you with their behavior. And that may help you have more patience for other people's children.
post #97 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
My non-"heavily steeped in TV pop culture" son loved Power Rangers when he was 7, and his friends (4 homeschooled brothers) are really into Bakugan right now. It's normal for children to go through phases where they're totally into one thing or another.
we don't have cable & my ds is still in love with power rangers and bakugan, etc. he loves to watch toy reviews on youtube...especially in chinese and german. i finally bought him some of the toys. he also takes baths and pretends the water is a portal to the universe, lol.
post #98 of 114
No, though since my baby is very young (12 weeks today) I don't allow toddlers to grab at him or do anything that could harm him, obviously.
post #99 of 114
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post

ETA: OK, you have a three-year-old and one on the way? Am I reading that correctly? Three-year-olds imitate everything. I think it's definitely a great goal to foster friendships with people who are worthy of imitation, but seriously, I would not get bent out of shape over my three imitating another three. I think a more important lifeskill is to help them learn to sift through what's worthy of imitation and what isn't. Just my two cents.
No, she's 5 1/2. Still very into imitating though. Has trouble thinking for herself. That's what makes it challenging.
post #100 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raene View Post
No, she's 5 1/2. Still very into imitating though. Has trouble thinking for herself. That's what makes it challenging.
IMO, she won't learn how to think for herself by being isolated, because then she won't be presented with any situations in which it would be necessary.
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