"Is She Yours?" - Page 3

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by Masel

DD is adopted and I was terrifed of being asked about "Is she yours?". I practiced responses but didn't get to use any since as it turns out she looks a lot like us.
Feel free to use any of these
"Yes and I have the paperwork to prove it."
"OMG. Who are you?" to my baby.
Lick baby's forehead "She is now."
I was especially sad to not get to use the last one.

I love that!

[calpurnia]

i get it a fair bit. dd & i don't look particularly alike or unlike, but i am quite young it doesn't bother me.

[Draupadi]

It is very, very rude. I've gotten that several times and no matter how you wash it, it's rude. I'm biracial and my son is multiracial and lighter than me, but he looks very much like me. Our features are pretty much the same and the only differences really are our skin color and hair texture. I actually had a woman say to me "Obviously, you're not his mother" when we were out one time

[UhOhWhatNow]

I like the question- because when ever I get it, I say, "Yes, why do you ask?" (with a smile) and they ALWAYS, without missing a beat say: "Because you're so thin!!! You don't look like you just had a baby at all" and I can't deny that yeah, I like that! LOL

If I asked somebody that, it would not have any ill meaning behind it. It would just be making conversation about the sweet, adorable child! If the child is theirs, I'll usually ask them about their birth experience or something (since mine's so young and it's still a very exciting, empowering thing for me to talk about) or whatever.

[UhOhWhatNow]

Now, I'd never ask it because a child appeared biracial. That is rude/stupid! If I DID ask it of such a child, that wouldn't be why!!! In fact, in order to be sure I didn't upset the mom or dad, I'd be LESS likely to ask this of an obviously biracial child.

[teale]

I get this a lot! My son is an even darker version of his daddy, and despite looking like me across the eyes and nose, we look only vaguely similar. Then, of course, I'm the palest of pale. I even had the nurse ask who the daddy was when he was born :

[Polliwog]

My kids are adopted (well, one is and one will be sometime next year) and I never get asked that. I do get asked, from time to time, if my kids are siblings. And well...yes they are. For 19 months and counting.

My neighbor did ask me the other day (as I was chasing my runaway toddler) if she was mine. Odd question since Polliwog's been with us for over a year and a half. And we live in a townhouse and she's seen her with me at least once a day.

[Breeder]

Originally Posted by lilyka

perhaps she just didn't want to assume anything. i usually ask before I tell someone "your baby/grandbaby/whatever is so cute." because heaven forbid you guess and get it wrong.

Yep to this.

My mother (who is young looking herself - she looks about 40 but she's 59) gets "is he your's?" when she's out with my kids or my nephew all the time.

Of course it's none of their business but what is? They ask "How old?" "What's his name?" "Are you in school?" (<- to my older of course) etc. None of those things are their business either, it's small talk and considered normal.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it was because she doesn't look just like you. I got the same question with my oldest and he looks like a mini - me with brown eyes instead of blue.

[Breeder]

Originally Posted by Masel

Lick baby's forehead "She is now."
I was especially sad to not get to use the last one.

Man, now I really WANT someone to ask me! That is too good to go to waste.

[claddaghmom]

Hmph well it can go so many ways! There is no shortage to the methods of complete rudeness and idiocy of strangers when pregnancy, childbirth and child-raising are the focus.

My favourite was a man who tapped DH's shoulder and said, "You need to get a paternity test! That baby looks like her mama but nothing like you!"

"Are you the boyfriend?"

"Did you adopt her or does the father still co-parent?"

"At least we know who the mom is!"

"She's already crawling and you're not pregnant yet?"

The weird thing is that she definitely has characteristics from him and his family. She is the spitting image of my SIL. Like, eerie weird similarity.


My BFF's family adopted two brothers from Russia. She hates how strangers will say, "Oh they look just like daddy!" etc but honestly, they look just like everyone in the family. I can't figure it out!

[wbg]

I was always asked that. They kept thinking I was the nanny. Maybe because I was foreign. Now with baby number 4 it hardly happens. I think I look older and more frazzled and less like a carefree baby sitter and more like an overworked Mum! Oh well...frazzled yes, older yes, more able to not give a crap one way or another by what other people say or think...definitely!

[St. Margaret]

I get this all the time by older women for some reason. Maybe I'm not cute enough to be my (adorable ) DD's mom? She does look a lot like her daddy right now, but I also think she looks like me when she's smiling and goofing off, which she usually is. I figure they think I'm the nanny, since we live near a rather upscale area. And a lot of new moms here are way older than I am, even though I am turning 29 this year (yikes!)

I have no idea what prompts people to ask this. I think it CAN be rude.

[Mbella]

I just got that last week! My kids look just like me too! I took them to the children's museum in the middle of the day and it was nanny-central. Most of the kids there were with nannies. One nanny asked me, "Are you an au pair?" I said, "No they are mine." She said that she was suprised because I look so young. I told her I am 31. It made me feel good that someone thinks I still look young, but a little upset that she couldn't clearly see the resemblance between me and my children.

[zora]

"learned" to ask first. If you know what I mean.

Recently, at a different playground, a woman asked me "Is he yours?" I said, "Yes." She said, "He looks just like you." (Which he does except for the difference in skin color.) Then she went on to explain that recently she said that a child looked "just like" the adult that the child was with and the adult was offended because it was not his/her child. So this lady was trying to play it safe by asking me "Is he yours?" first. I would have never guessed that was what she was doing except, w/o my asking she explained it. So you never really know what is in someone's mind.

Now that my son is talking, we still get the "Is he yours?" question but it usually is in response to something he has said or an interaction we have had and it is typically followed by the person saying something nice. Since I have been working only part time I have come to appreciate the fact that frequently, during the day, kids are not with one of their biological parents, so the person asking the question is just playing it safe.

Zora

[Shami]

Are you the grandma?

Well, how about this one?
"Oh, she is a doll baby! Are you the grandma?"

I don't take it too personally because I do have some grays. I've gotten this comment about four times (I'm not counting, really). I am forty so technically I could be her grandma. I think people are just trying to make conversation and whatever is bobbing through their thoughts at the moment just pops out of their mouth.

[Hesperia]

I said that just a few weeks ago, and felt awful.

I'm very sensitive normally, and I have no idea why I said it. I asked this really sweet mama if her daughter was hers (12 months in age). I'm not sure why I asked, maybe it was cause she looked young, but I doubt it since I am younger a nanny and TTC.

I work as a nanny in a very nanny/caregiver neighbourhood, maybe I was trying to make small talk. I have no idea. I was rude and felt awful. She said yes, and I tried to reverse cycle my way out by saying "well of course she is yours, she has your eyes!".

Anyways, good people say dumb things. I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings and will probably never say that again.

That was probably the first time someone had said that to her, because her baby did really look a lot like her. I was just being weird.

Try not to let it upset you. I've been asked my fair share of insulting questions. Shrug them off and keep smiling.

[SAHDS]

I get this comment all the time and always take it as a compliment (I couldn't care less how it was intended). I am always proud to say "Yes!"

[meemee]

: my dd has v. asian features. my mom and i were like that when v. young. yeah 3 generations look alike. when i have my asian friends with me everyone assumes my dd is my friend's. so i have never been asked that question, yet i have been ignored while my friend has been told what a ____ dd she has.

you know it cracked both of us up. in fact somedays i would hand dd to her and say she could be a mom for a little while while i enjoy being a non mom again for a wee bit.

in fact we used to make bets to see if someone would make that assumption or not.

[TheGirls]

I don't know - I get this all the time, and I don't look that young (I'm 28) and DD looks very much like me. I also get "she has your eyes" all the time. She's blue eyed, fair skinned, blonde, I'm blue-eyed, fair-skinned, brown haired. I can't tell her baby pictures from mine. I think people are just trying to figure out the relationships.

[lilyka]

Lick baby's forehead "She is now."

thats freaking awesome!

mine are older so now when I get that questions its the "um excuse me ma'am . . .is that your child over there" to which I reasond "no, i have never seen that kid before but someone should really talk to her mother . . . . "