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"Bad Parenting" popular, according to CNN

post #1 of 113
Thread Starter 
Click Here for CNN Video

As soon as I saw this, I wondered what my MDC mamas would think. I appreciate the idea of not overscheduling kids. I definitely respect the idea that we mamas need to go easier on ourselves sometimes. BUT it lost me when a blogger proudly admitted to spanking her daughter.

What do you guys think of this "trend"? Is it a backlash against AP parenting?


Does this work: http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/...ad.parents.cnn
post #2 of 113
the link is broken.

I am disturbed when I hear people speak of spanking as though it's completely fine.
post #3 of 113
Idle parenting where you just relax and let things flow and don't feel the need to participate in every sport and every social function w/your kids and let them be is one thing (and my preferred method) but then there is a line between being an "idle" parent and downright negligent. It bothers me that people are not only excusing themselves but finding encouragement with things like spanking, CIO, etc. Like "You're a 'bad parent'! Me too! Isn't it so totally cool?" I do get the whole idea of questioning what is viewed as "good" and "bad" in society but we can go too far too.
post #4 of 113
Thread Starter 
I think I fixed the link... let me know if it still doesn't work.
post #5 of 113
Something is happening to our society when it comes to how we treat our children. It seems that many more mamas these days are missing instinct to protect and love your children. My dsd mom puts her two year old in just a seat belt (that's right...no car seat) when she wants to go somewhere with friends but doesn't have the carseat. She also "double buckles" her other 3 kids so they can all squeeze into the car. This baffles me because I drive around paranoid that I buckled the carseat incorrectly, or that it is not latched to the seat correctly, etc.
These moms who seem to be so lax about their childrens safety, happiness, etc. really get to me. I feel like it is becoming the norm! AP gets so many critics, but why? Because we hold and protect our children the way every other mammal on this planet does? I'm really interested to find out why some humans are starting to emotionally separate from their offspring like this...
post #6 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakah View Post
Something is happening to our society when it comes to how we treat our children. It seems that many more mamas these days are missing instinct to protect and love your children. My dsd mom puts her two year old in just a seat belt (that's right...no car seat) when she wants to go somewhere with friends but doesn't have the carseat. She also "double buckles" her other 3 kids so they can all squeeze into the car. This baffles me because I drive around paranoid that I buckled the carseat incorrectly, or that it is not latched to the seat correctly, etc.
These moms who seem to be so lax about their childrens safety, happiness, etc. really get to me. I feel like it is becoming the norm! AP gets so many critics, but why? Because we hold and protect our children the way every other mammal on this planet does? I'm really interested to find out why some humans are starting to emotionally separate from their offspring like this...
I think AP gets so much flack because it is considered too much work. I think that ties in with our instant gratification/pleasure run society.
post #7 of 113
Here's what gets me...

To me, AP is easy. Am I a freak? I know there's more to AP than what I am going to mention here. But when I get crap from someone about how much harder I am making this for myself (and I never complain- I love being a mom! Maybe they're just jealous LOL) I have to wonder.

Let's see... my baby has slept through the night since he was seven or eight weeks old (7 uninterrupted hours, now he's up to 8 uninterrupted hours at eleven weeks). I never was sleep deprived badly, not even when he was new- we bed shared and breast fed. We still breast feed. When he wakes up (he sleeps now in a bassinet right by my bed) at 4:00 AM after sleeping for eight solid hours, I just bring him to bed with me and nurse him and sleep another three or four hours. This means I get my eight, too! (I stay up a few hours after he goes to bed, so I can have adult time). I've never once had to make or prepare a bottle. I don't even know how to give a baby a bottle. My baby is always with me... he loves to be carried. I rarely fuss with a carrier or stroller unless I'm out for exercise or I'm bowling (haven't mastered bowling while holding a baby lol). How much HARDER life would have been for me if I had tried to leave him screaming alone from day one, or had to get up and make bottles at 2 AM. No thanks.

Maybe it's easy for me because I am a SAHM and I like being needed. I am not "touched out" and I love being around my baby 24/7 for the most part. I still haven't had one of those "I'm losing my mind" insane moments that I keep being told I'll have lots and lots of. I'm sure it'll come.

But yeah? I can't IMAGINE not properly strapping my baby in on a car ride, either. Wow. That's illegal here.
post #8 of 113
I agree with you. I initially started AP/NFL because it felt natural and it was just easier to me. But I have to say it...

Quote:
my baby has slept through the night since he was seven or eight weeks old (7 uninterrupted hours, now he's up to 8 uninterrupted hours at eleven weeks).
The thought in society is that babies need to do this right away. I am talking 10 DAYS tops. That's why all the training methods are so popular. Get baby in that crib and sleeping through the night from the first few hours.
post #9 of 113
yeah and I NEVER expected my baby to sleep like that! He just does it. There's no fighting involved... he gets sleepy nursing, then I gently lay him down. If he fusses a bit I watch and see what he does. 9 times out of 10 he sucks his hand and falls asleep, usually without fussing. Some times he cries a bit. If it goes more than a few minutes or is loud and distressed, I pick him up and nurse him again. It takes, what, 15 mintues of my time? And I know my baby boy sleeps peacefully. I've never understood why people think babies, which need us all day long, would suddenly not need us at night, or would understand the reasoning. Makes me sad But that's a whole other topic.
post #10 of 113
Thread Starter 
I didn't go into parenthood saying "I'm going to be an AP parent" because I never really thought about it. I've just followed my instincts, which has lead me naturally into an AP-style. (I learned more about AP after DS was several months old, but was already being worn/co-sleeping/bfing on demand etc.)

To me, it is an easier style of parenting because I follow his lead. Sleep... um... that isn't something that has been great for us. DS isn't much of a sleeper and never has been. BUT he's happy. He rarely cries. And I can tell he is growing into a confident, independent, and loving little guy... yeaaa! I don't know how his personality may have been different if it wasn't my top priority to respond to his needs. Who can say...

I guess what bugs me about this news story is that there may be parents decisions that are actually borderline negligent or abusive and they will feel they can laugh it off as part of the "bad parenting" trend. I don't believe every parent should parent the way that we do - but why celebrate the more questionable practices?
post #11 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
I agree with you. I initially started AP/NFL because it felt natural and it was just easier to me. But I have to say it...


The thought in society is that babies need to do this right away. I am talking 10 DAYS tops. That's why all the training methods are so popular. Get baby in that crib and sleeping through the night from the first few hours.

And forget the fact that babies really aren't supposed to sleep that long for the first few months! They are meant to be waking up every 2-3 hours to eat. It's normal.

I do think that "bad" is just a new way of saying, "I do things as much as I can to benefit myself. I didn't really think about how much work goes into raising children, so now I am going to make sure I continue to keep the lifestyle I had prior to my children, and they better deal with it." I'm always surprised when people seem surprised that having a baby means a lot of work, and for a time, some sleep deprivation, and making some sacrifices. It's the point of parenting, right? It's not easy all of the time!

We live in a society now where it seems that loving, and nurturing your kids is up for persecution, and if you respect your children, or your job as a mom, your a freak who doesn't know what he or she is doing. It's sad that trusting your instincts now has become so taboo unless of course it tells you to stick your 3 day old baby in his crib and let him cry.
post #12 of 113
I can't get to the video. :

Anyone want to summarize it?
post #13 of 113
Maybe I'm dumb but there are people who don't feed (breast or otherwise) on demand? Even if you were a selfish louse, wouldn't you at least feed your hungry child to quiet him???
post #14 of 113
I AP, although I didn't chose that. It is just works for our family. I'm not a "helicopter parent" though. I base my parenting decisions on the end goal of raising a happy, well-adjusted adult. Do I solve my kid's problems? No way. I rather coach him in how to fix it himself. Do other moms look at me/comment that I'm a 'bad mom.' Sure. It bothers me sometimes, but I feel confident in my parenting abilities.
post #15 of 113
One more post from me... I'm pretty new here and find these discussions very enjoyable... other people that are like me!!

Anyway, I also didn't choose to AP specifically. I didn't even really know what it meant! I am finding it's just how I parent. God my heart actually HURTS physically when my baby is sad or scared. I can't imagine any other way, for me.
post #16 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by UhOhWhatNow View Post
Maybe I'm dumb but there are people who don't feed (breast or otherwise) on demand? Even if you were a selfish louse, wouldn't you at least feed your hungry child to quiet him???
i nannied for a family that had a fairly rigid sleeping and eating schedule. at 6 mos he was eating 3 meals a day and got an 8 oz bottle in between each meal and once before bed. when he napped i was supposed to put him down at a certain time and leave him until he fell asleep (the sleep training took place before i was hired so i missed that thrill) and then if he woke up before an hour was up i was supposed to ignore him until the whole hour was back up in hope that he would go back to sleep.

the mother was working on her doctorate in infant and child development. this was the same woman who told me BFing is only better then FF for the first three months.
post #17 of 113
Wow, maybe that's normal. I admit I am very inexperienced with babies and kids. My MW and friends told me to just follow my instincts so that's what I do. But that makes me very sad to think of a hungry baby
post #18 of 113
Sorry, I watched the video and don't understand the responses in the previous posts (except for that super short blurb about the mom who wants to spank). It seems the whole story was about parents that try too hard by providing their kids with a packed schedule, and the helicopter style management of their kids and have reached a limit. I know AP people who do this and non-AP who do this.

I've seen a few posts on MDC about the "bad parenting" thing. If anything, writers write about the "bad parenting" perspective because they are sick and tired of trying to be perfect and are tired of the judgment from everyone, whether from mainstream people or the extreme AP types. I haven't read one article that wasn't humorous or tongue in cheek. These writers are NOT in the business of abusing their kids. (not apologizing for the spanking quote, but the overall articles lately have been in the spirit of "I'm tired of trying to be perfect and if someone wants to call me a bad parent...then I celebrate it!)

I consider myself pretty AP, but the judgment here is sometimes overwhelming...like no matter what I do...it's not good enough. If there are less tough-skinned people out there than me, than I can understand their frustration, especially if they are trying to do what is best for their kids.
post #19 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by UhOhWhatNow View Post
One more post from me... I'm pretty new here and find these discussions very enjoyable... other people that are like me!!

Anyway, I also didn't choose to AP specifically. I didn't even really know what it meant! I am finding it's just how I parent. God my heart actually HURTS physically when my baby is sad or scared. I can't imagine any other way, for me.
Just hearing my baby cry causes hormonal changes. I want to help her. It would make me sick not to help her.

And that's the part that I admittedly don't get. When it comes to a completely innocent, helpless baby, parents do things that they wouldn't even do to a dog.

I was just reading a blogger talking about what to do when your infant vomits from CIO. "don't interact w/ your baby" "minimize your time in the room"

My gosh, imagine if we treated a dog like that! We'd be sent to jail!
post #20 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatsCradle View Post
Sorry, I watched the video and don't understand the responses in the previous posts (except for that super short blurb about the mom who wants to spank). It seems the whole story was about parents that try too hard by providing their kids with a packed schedule, and the helicopter style management of their kids and have reached a limit. I know AP people who do this and non-AP who do this.

I've seen a few posts on MDC about the "bad parenting" thing. If anything, writers write about the "bad parenting" perspective because they are sick and tired of trying to be perfect and are tired of the judgment from everyone, whether from mainstream people or the extreme AP types. I haven't read one article that wasn't humorous or tongue in cheek. These writers are NOT in the business of abusing their kids. (not apologizing for the spanking quote, but the overall articles lately have been in the spirit of "I'm tired of trying to be perfect and if someone wants to call me a bad parent...then I celebrate it!)

I consider myself pretty AP, but the judgment here is sometimes overwhelming...like no matter what I do...it's not good enough. If there are less tough-skinned people out there than me, than I can understand their frustration, especially if they are trying to do what is best for their kids.
Yes there is a lot of judgment in the world but not all of it is off-base and we can't sit here and pretend like we ourselves don't do it.

I often feel inadequate. The correct response to that is to question why you are feeling that and really examine it. This way we find room for improvement and also where we need to just chill out. But when people in general do bad things or make bad choices and then pat themselves on the back there is a bigger issue. Like I said in my OP on this thread I think there is a line. There is being a relaxed parent and then there is being just downright negligent. I'm not talking about the parents who don't do every activity, who's children aren't on them 24/7, who don't birth in a pool with dolphins, etc etc I am talking about parents who are doing real neglectful things and receiving praise for it because hey they need "me time" doncha know

I for one am tired of the judgment that comes to moms who are appaled by what other children have to go through. I agree that crazy judgment is bad where you are doing it for the sake of being the almighty judge and making yourself feel better but I'm sorry I am not going to sit here and say "oh that mama spanks her 10 month old? Let's him CIO? Leaves him in a poopy diaper for a few hours until she feels like getting to it? Well who am I to judge?" Yeah sometimes some things are just wrong and though it'd be awesome if this world was all butterlies and roses it's not and to say it's not shouldn't be such a shock. Yes it's judgment but is judgment always wrong? Is anyone really ever immune?
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