Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife
Some people believe that's the order it should be.
It doesn't mean you are neglecting your kids or ignoring them in favor of your husband. In fact, it's hard to explain if you don't get it.
I TOTALLY get it, I just know as a sensitive child that getting it didn't make it hurt my feelings any less. I was no neglected or ignored by any means. Some people don't realize thought that most children don't have the same understanding of the Word and saying something like that to them seems pointlessly hurtful. There is plenty of scripture and Godly guidance you can share with your children. That bit of info can surely wait until they are adults. Just because *you* understand what that means does not mean a 5 year old will understand it the same way. And thats why I was replying to the other poster who as exploring those thoughts.
Now I personally choose to have an all embracing approach that is different then yours, and I am happy with that in our family. It doesn't mean my kids can come between us. At the same time though, my husband wont come between me and my kids. It's the mindset that we are all loving and wanting to be together as one with God and in His eyes.
Also if you read what I said, I do not state the order my children, then my husband. I love MY FAMILY. It goes in this order: 1) my family. and then thats it, thats the end of my list. I agree we love love different people in different ways, I just don't see people as objects to prioritize like that. Each is so valuable in there own way. If there were a fire I would not grab my bible, then get my husband out, then get my kids. I would probably be saying a prayer in my head as I called to my husband to help me get the kids out of the house. I'm sure you would do the same, but for my this analogy is not just how we work in case of emergency. Unfortunately many children suffer sexual abuse because parents believe that God, Husband, Child order WAY too deeply and think the kids are lying about sexual abuse to break up the marriage. The love totem pole just doesn't work for our family and I don't think it makes me any further from God then you are.
1 little bit I agree with you - that is not about the children playing the parents against each other. Perhaps HisBeautifulWife can give a better example? To me it would be just as unacceptable for my husband to play me against the children as it would be for the children to try to play me against my husband. It's just not our family dynamic to "take sides" based on a 1,2,3 order. It's more about us all working together because we all love each other and none of us should manipulate anyone, and none of us should get between a relationship of any pair whether it be parent parent, parent child, or child child.
If our children have to ask something serious we talk about it first and give our answer together. We will reason with the child if they are being reasonable. We all find a solution that works for all of us, God included
If its not something serious and one parent says no we haven't had the experience of our children going to the other yet. Maybe we are lucky, maybe they know that wouldn't work because its manipulative (not because we blindly side with the #2 position on the totem pole), or maybe they will do it when they are older and we havent gotten there yet. If my husband says no and my kids comes to ask me and I want to say yes we would get together and figure it out together. I think they know this by now though. I'm not going to side with my husband against my kids just because he is my husband. Nor the other way around. Because you know whose side I am on? MY FAMILY'S SIDE. We are a unit
Besides. there are times that to follow God you WOULD have to put your child before your husband, so that kind of confuses the whole order idea.