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[misfitgirl]

Hi everyone, i am hoping i can get some insight and support here. I have been posting for a couple months on some other boards but thought this one might be more active.

So where to start, i am 28 and married and had my first baby about 10 weeks ago. I had a kind of bad time in the hospital and had a unexpected c-section. The whole hospital stay sucked and they thought my baby had some infection and all this stuff happened that i did not expect. Thank god my baby is fine though. We went home and i was so anxious, i had always had anxiety but not like this, i had a huge knot in my stomach i couldn't eat, sleep, rest anything. I kept thinking about bad things happening to the baby and etc.

After a week i started getting really depressed and thinking i had ruined my life, i thought i wanted to just run away, i did not want a baby etc etc. I tought about jumping off a bridge, crashing my car, running out in traffic etc. I went to my doc and she gave me some Zoloft i think it was 50 mgs and then i went really down hill, i dont know if the zoloft did it or what, i was so messed up i was just rocking back and forth, crying, having panic attacks, sweating and i told me husband i was going to have to go to the hospital and they needed to lock me up. I had weird thoughts of throwing the baby when he cried too. I was so freaked out. I ended up calling my doc office and they got me in right away a psyc doc there put me on celexa and saw me the next day to talk. My mom came to stay with my husband and i and she took care of the baby for the most part. I started the celexa and three days later i already felt a little better, after a couple weeks they upped my dosage and now i am taking 40 mgs of celexa with klonpin as needed. I was making progress but then one night my husband and i celebrated his b-day and i got very drunk and ever since then i have felt "off". I dont know if the alcohol messed my recovery up or what. Or if these meds just are not working? I hear stories of women who get to feel great with antdepressents but i dont feel great, yeah i am better then before but i still have some pretty bad days. I hate to switch my meds as this one has had no side effects for me.

One thing that is really affecting me is that i dont feel love for my baby. I mean i do have times when i think i love him but i almost feel like i have to force it. And i swear this cant be right. Does anyone else feel this way? Will i ever love him?



I dont know what i am asking for here, i guess i am rambling. Thanks for reading.

[mom0810]

Originally Posted by misfitgirl

Hi everyone, i am hoping i can get some insight and support here. I have been posting for a couple months on some other boards but thought this one might be more active.

So where to start, i am 28 and married and had my first baby about 10 weeks ago. I had a kind of bad time in the hospital and had a unexpected c-section. The whole hospital stay sucked and they thought my baby had some infection and all this stuff happened that i did not expect. Thank god my baby is fine though. We went home and i was so anxious, i had always had anxiety but not like this, i had a huge knot in my stomach i couldn't eat, sleep, rest anything. I kept thinking about bad things happening to the baby and etc.

After a week i started getting really depressed and thinking i had ruined my life, i thought i wanted to just run away, i did not want a baby etc etc. I tought about jumping off a bridge, crashing my car, running out in traffic etc. I went to my doc and she gave me some Zoloft i think it was 50 mgs and then i went really down hill, i dont know if the zoloft did it or what, i was so messed up i was just rocking back and forth, crying, having panic attacks, sweating and i told me husband i was going to have to go to the hospital and they needed to lock me up. I had weird thoughts of throwing the baby when he cried too. I was so freaked out. I ended up calling my doc office and they got me in right away a psyc doc there put me on celexa and saw me the next day to talk. My mom came to stay with my husband and i and she took care of the baby for the most part. I started the celexa and three days later i already felt a little better, after a couple weeks they upped my dosage and now i am taking 40 mgs of celexa with klonpin as needed. I was making progress but then one night my husband and i celebrated his b-day and i got very drunk and ever since then i have felt "off". I dont know if the alcohol messed my recovery up or what. Or if these meds just are not working? I hear stories of women who get to feel great with antdepressents but i dont feel great, yeah i am better then before but i still have some pretty bad days. I hate to switch my meds as this one has had no side effects for me.

One thing that is really affecting me is that i dont feel love for my baby. I mean i do have times when i think i love him but i almost feel like i have to force it. And i swear this cant be right. Does anyone else feel this way? Will i ever love him?



I dont know what i am asking for here, i guess i am rambling. Thanks for reading.

You should NEVER drink while on an antidepressant. That is step one.

How long did you try the zoloft for? And now how long have you been on the Celexa?

Are you in therapy? You NEED to find someone to talk to, and you can find therapists who specialize in PPD at www.postpartum.net. You have to find someone who has a lot of experience with this.

You have postpartum OCD. It affects something like 10% of women after birth. You imagine horrible scenarios happening to your baby. It does NOT mean you are crazy and it does NOT mean you would ever act on any of them.

You might also have postpartum PTSD. Due to your C section and the events in the hospital after your baby's birth. This is also very treatable.

NO MORE DRINKING while you are on meds. That can mess you up... especially with the Klonopin. No no no.

Find a good therapist and also buy and read Beyond the Blues. Also, PPD for Dummies is by the same author and very very good. Both have sections for partners to read.

I hope you get the help you need soon. You can feel SO much better.

Also, it takes at least 2 weeks for the meds to make you feel better, sometimes more than that.

[misfitgirl]

Thank you, i have been on celexa for about a month already. I have good days and bad days, and thats what makes it sooo hard because if everyday where bad i would switch meds right now. I was only on the zoloft for three days but that was long enough to know it was not right for me. I started off at a low dose of celexa and i have been on 40 mgs for only maybe 3 weeks. So maybe i just need to be patient. I am going to therapy and the therapist has ppd experince but i have no insurance and it is costing me to much. So soon i will need to switch therapists and see one who dosent specialize in ppd. I hope that ok.

The thing is today was an alright day, but i swear thats because my hubby was home all day with me. I hate being alone and thats when i get anxiety and get a little depressed. Its like a rollercoaster ride, one day os good the next sucks. Is that normal even with meds?

[mom0810]

It's pretty normal for ANYONE to have good days and bad days, not just someone with PPD. So yes, it's normal. Are you noticing more good days than bad? Are things generally getting better? Is your therapist helping you with any of these feelings?

It can take up to 6 months to get back on an even keel, with therapy and meds. Then, you are supposed to stay on the meds for at least a year after you start feeling better. Therapy can continue as needed.

How is your sleep? Are you nursing? How are you eating? Exercise? Sunlight? All of these things can help, too.

I would make sure you are taking a good prenatal vitamin still, and get out for a walk at least once a day.

Things will keep getting better.

[misfitgirl]

Thanks, so you think i should take prenatal vitamins? I was thinking i might do that anyway but i was not sure if i should. I also got some b complex, is it okay to take that with the celexa? I dont see why not, but just wondering if you knew if it was ok?

[mom0810]

Always call your pharmacist and check, but it should be fine.