When you lose touch with someone -- and then learn that they died.

[hopefulfaith]

I am so sad tonight.

I had a good friend several years ago. We last talked in spring, 2005, right before I moved several states away and had my first baby. Exchanged email addresses, etc. I emailed his sister several photos for a surprise party for him that I couldn't attend.

I moved, and we lost touch. I didn't pursue him - I was wrapped up in new motherhood and not sleeping for weeks at a time, and while I often wondered how he was doing, I didn't contact him. You know how the fog of the first few months can be. I got pregnant again when my ds was five months old. I was tired and sick and all of that - and had my daughter when ds was 15 months old. Began the new baby fog all over again.

My kids are 3 and 2 now, and I'm beginning to feel like a human being again. When I thought about my friend yesterday, I felt a strong draw to contact him.

He died in a motorcycle accident the week before my son was born.


I miss him terribly.
I am so sad and sick and guilty over not speaking with him before he died - let alone finding out three years ago why he hadn't gotten back with me.

I miss Kenny so much.

He was a climber. A rebel. The long-haired guy with piercings and tattoos your mother warned you about. He was one of the best emergency nurses I ever met. One of the finest people I have known.

And I miss him.



Thanks for letting me share this.

[Aubergine68]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I found out a week ago that an old friend of mine died last fall, not as special a friend to me as your Kenny was to you, but I have been mourning him.

Have you contacted his family? I'm sure it would mean a great deal to them to know that you cared so much and miss him...time goes on but grief for a lost member of the family doesn't end.

s:

[NewDirections]

Hopefulfaith, I'm so sorry. That is such a sad thing.

I had something similar happen. I am a teacher and I worked at one school for 3 years. One of my coworkers was really cool and we were friends at school. I changed to a different school and I didn't keep in touch The last time I saw her was in 2006. Well I found out that she died right before Christmas in 2008 (also in a motorcycle accident ). I was able to go to her funeral and that helped with my grief. But, it makes me so sad that she is gone. She was such an amazing person and is so missed. I know that she passed away but I feel I can't wrap my head around the fact that she is gone. It doesn't seem real.

Have you considered doing something to honor your friend? Write a letter to his family, plant a tree, say a special prayer?

[celestialdreamer]

I'm so sorry, that is really hard. I just went to a funeral on Friday for a friend I hadn't gotten a chance to see in years. It makes it really hard

[kblackstone444]

I hope you don't think what I'm gonna tell you is crazy...

My friend, Rich, passed away June 9, 2008. I'd lost contact with him about a year before he died, but he still meant the world to me. If I'd gotten a phone call from him in the middle of the night, I would have been there in a heartbeat- he was such a wonderful friend, such a wonderful person. When he died, I felt such horrible guilt- that I'd never told him how much he meant to me. I was so torn up about it. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I begged and prayed that somehow, he knew how much he'd meant to me.

One morning, I woke up with a song in my head, "Here Today", by Paul McCartney. It felt like, something my friend Rich wanted me to know, something I was meant to hear, at that time in my life. In rememberence of him, I made a video tribute to him. (I also wear a wristband for the National Marfan Foundation, in his honor.)

There's more. I was still depressed, actively grieving every day. We had a mutual friend, who I didn't get along with, but I felt compelled to write to this friend. I wasn't really sure what I was looking for, and his friend certainly didn't know why I was writing, but part of what his friend wrote back was, "And don't worry, Richard is in a fine place, and all is well. We'll just miss him, that's all." The moment I read those words, it was like a weight was lifted- I felt the truth in the words, I knew he was okay, where ever he was, and I knew that he knew how much he'd meant to me, how sorry I was that I hadn't been a better friend.

I don't know if any of my words help you, but I truly believe, your friend Kenny is in a fine place and all is well. I hope you find the peace he would want you to have.

[hopefulfaith]

Thank you so much for responding. I had a strong need to say that - thank you for hearing me.

Aubergine, I haven't contacted his family yet, but I believe I am going to. I found his sister's address and I am going to write to her. I know she misses him tremendously. We visited her together several years ago, and I have some cute pictures of her (then small) children with Kenny and me. Perhaps she would like to have them. I am sorry for your loss, too.

Tatiana, I am sorry for your loss, too. I'm glad you were able to go to the funeral - that seems to make things a little more final sometimes, I think. I like the idea of planting a tree for him. Kenny lived to be outside - we backpacked once together - he loved to climb, mountain bike, hike, run - I think he would like a tree.

Celestialdreamer, I am sorry for your loss. It does make it really hard when you haven't seen them in years. I think that is the worst part of it for me.

Harleyhalfmoon, thank you for your post. What a beautiful tribute to your friend. It made me smile and cry - Rich looked a lot like Kenny, with his long hair...and with his smile. I downloaded that song from itunes just now. Thank you for those words - he is in a fine place, and all is well. We'll just miss him, that's all. That really is it, isn't it? I am sure Kenny is climbing and hiking the most beautiful peaks, wherever he is in time and space and eternity.




Thank you all, so much.