WARNING: please keep it civil. keep the UA in mind. this is a touchy subject and i would like to be able to keep this open for discussion. report posts your think are UAV and let moderators take care of it.
ETA - i mean if the topic comes up. it is beyond bizarre and inappropriate to just walk up to people and lecture them or ask them to defend themselves. do people actually do that?
parenting choices! to each their own or up for debate? should everyone just mind their own business or is it our responsibility as members of society to hold people accountable for the way they treat the young members of society? is it our right or responsibility to advocate for those ones who are unable to advocate for themselves? parenting effects more then just the children of the parents.. the way those children are raised effects how the interact with the rest of us, how they raise their children, how they treat others etc. so what do you think and why?? my (very long) explanation is below!
parenting is a taboo subject. when it comes up you are expected to say 'oh to each their own' b/c everybody is different and makes different choices and we have no right to judge.
on this site i always read about people not knowing any other way, not having enough info, not having enough support etc. how do people learn another way, get more info, ask for support etc. if we are just supposed to shut up and mind our own business?
i always agreed with this idea b/c i didn't want to have to justify my parenting choices to anyone. then i realized that the best way to test your opinions and beliefs is to have someone challenge them. if i could not sufficiently prove my point and defend my opinions in a debate with someone who disagrees then maybe i need to rethink what i am doing. after a few discussions with close friends who have no problem tearing apart my arguments i realized i actually can argue my points exceptionally well and in a non judgmental way. i have several points about why i do the things that i do and i have the factual information to back it up.
every situation is different so of course every family is different. for this reason something may make complete sense for one family and no sense at all for another. BFing for instance makes total sense for many people, it is cheaper, healthier, more convenient etc. it is probably easier for a SAHM then a WOHM but it those things still apply to many WOHM. but for a mom with Low supply supplementing might be absolutely necessary, for a mom who works and has a very hard time pumping then supplementing may be best for her family, for a mom who has to take a medication that is contraindicated for BFing should obviously FF, for someone who BFing would be traumatizing psychologically FF is the best option. for a mama whose little one has so many allergies or digestive troubles that they are healthier on a special formula that obviously is the best choice. and of course for Mamas who can't BF for a myriad of physical reasons formula is a godsend.
Babywearing is awesome for people who can do it. i totally love it and it is great when you are BFing. i also have back problems and wearing my 25lb son for extended periods of time would put me in the hospital .. so obviously a stroller might make more sense. anyone with physical problems may very well be better served by a stroller.
Co sleeping is def. not for everyone. there are tons of great reasons to do it and tons of great reasons not to. some babies wake up every thirty seconds when co sleeping, some people have babies who take up so much space they need their own king sized bed.
the ones i have trouble understanding are CIO especially for little babies, FF by choice when there is no reason it wouldn't be possible, and spanking. i just don't get it. do these fall under the to each their own category too? do we put the parents right not feel judged, not to have to be accountable for their choices, not to be questioned etc above a child's rights?
FF by choice is the only one i can see myself just saying to each their own. while i don't think it is the best choice there is it hard to argue.. for a mom already FF it may just make her feel guilty and there are so many good reasons to do it there is no way to tell if it really was by choice or by necessity.
CIO and spanking are different IMO. i know that people have a right to question my choices too and honestly i really don't mind. i am not talking legal involvement b/c that would be a catastrophe. I have logical, fact based reasons why i do the things i do. it is incredibly hard to discredit my arguments.... i have had people try.
I always try to form a logical fact based argument that supports the other side of the argument, not why no one should do it by why other options may be better for some families. BFing, Co sleeping, and baby wearing IMO have to many variables and there is no way to know for sure whether or not it is right for anyone but you and yours. CIO and Spanking are the two i cannot form a coherent argument to support.
I understand the arguments that are made in favor of them but i also see the flaws that make them incorrect. on a really simple level they use the end to justify the means without considering the reasons it "worked" and the ramifications of that. what if the parents don't know those reasons and ramifications? how are they every going to know if they are never held acceptable for those decisions?
since questioning other peoples parenting is taboo and we are expected to just mind our own business how are people ever supposed to hear the other side of the argument? parents can opt to never have their choices questioned by anyone who disagrees with them. they can just do what they want and decide everyone else is wrong without ever having to argue their points with someone who disagrees. how are people ever going to learn if they never have to defend their actions?
debate is one of the best ways to learn. you know that if your best argument for or against something dies a slow death in a debate you might be wrong. not an emotional debate of course.. but in a truly logical and fact based debate for educational purposes.
btw this is sort of my opinion on politics too... how come its ok to form your opinion but never test it in debate? if your so sure your right why wouldn't you want to try and convince others? but thats another story. religion is different.. people have a right to their beliefs since none of can really prove beyond a doubt that other people are wrong.
it seems like subjects that are 'personal' have become taboo in our society so we don't hurt each others feelings. but i wonder if this is really a positive thing. why would you be so emotional about your parenting or politics that no one has the right to question you? i would rather have my opinions challenged and find out i was wrong and change what i believe that be eternally unchallenged and never know there was a better way to do things. i guess i don't understand why we are not held accountable for our opinions. everyone says it's b/c there is no right answer. i disagree with this. i think there is often more then one right answer.... but there are definitely right answers and wrong answers. maybe i am wrong though.... i think i am about to find out
parenting effects people who cant advocate for themselves... is the 'to each their own' mentality really the best for our society?
ETA - i mean if the topic comes up. it is beyond bizarre and inappropriate to just walk up to people and lecture them or ask them to defend themselves. do people actually do that?
parenting choices! to each their own or up for debate? should everyone just mind their own business or is it our responsibility as members of society to hold people accountable for the way they treat the young members of society? is it our right or responsibility to advocate for those ones who are unable to advocate for themselves? parenting effects more then just the children of the parents.. the way those children are raised effects how the interact with the rest of us, how they raise their children, how they treat others etc. so what do you think and why?? my (very long) explanation is below!
parenting is a taboo subject. when it comes up you are expected to say 'oh to each their own' b/c everybody is different and makes different choices and we have no right to judge.
on this site i always read about people not knowing any other way, not having enough info, not having enough support etc. how do people learn another way, get more info, ask for support etc. if we are just supposed to shut up and mind our own business?
i always agreed with this idea b/c i didn't want to have to justify my parenting choices to anyone. then i realized that the best way to test your opinions and beliefs is to have someone challenge them. if i could not sufficiently prove my point and defend my opinions in a debate with someone who disagrees then maybe i need to rethink what i am doing. after a few discussions with close friends who have no problem tearing apart my arguments i realized i actually can argue my points exceptionally well and in a non judgmental way. i have several points about why i do the things that i do and i have the factual information to back it up.
every situation is different so of course every family is different. for this reason something may make complete sense for one family and no sense at all for another. BFing for instance makes total sense for many people, it is cheaper, healthier, more convenient etc. it is probably easier for a SAHM then a WOHM but it those things still apply to many WOHM. but for a mom with Low supply supplementing might be absolutely necessary, for a mom who works and has a very hard time pumping then supplementing may be best for her family, for a mom who has to take a medication that is contraindicated for BFing should obviously FF, for someone who BFing would be traumatizing psychologically FF is the best option. for a mama whose little one has so many allergies or digestive troubles that they are healthier on a special formula that obviously is the best choice. and of course for Mamas who can't BF for a myriad of physical reasons formula is a godsend.
Babywearing is awesome for people who can do it. i totally love it and it is great when you are BFing. i also have back problems and wearing my 25lb son for extended periods of time would put me in the hospital .. so obviously a stroller might make more sense. anyone with physical problems may very well be better served by a stroller.
Co sleeping is def. not for everyone. there are tons of great reasons to do it and tons of great reasons not to. some babies wake up every thirty seconds when co sleeping, some people have babies who take up so much space they need their own king sized bed.
the ones i have trouble understanding are CIO especially for little babies, FF by choice when there is no reason it wouldn't be possible, and spanking. i just don't get it. do these fall under the to each their own category too? do we put the parents right not feel judged, not to have to be accountable for their choices, not to be questioned etc above a child's rights?
FF by choice is the only one i can see myself just saying to each their own. while i don't think it is the best choice there is it hard to argue.. for a mom already FF it may just make her feel guilty and there are so many good reasons to do it there is no way to tell if it really was by choice or by necessity.
CIO and spanking are different IMO. i know that people have a right to question my choices too and honestly i really don't mind. i am not talking legal involvement b/c that would be a catastrophe. I have logical, fact based reasons why i do the things i do. it is incredibly hard to discredit my arguments.... i have had people try.
I always try to form a logical fact based argument that supports the other side of the argument, not why no one should do it by why other options may be better for some families. BFing, Co sleeping, and baby wearing IMO have to many variables and there is no way to know for sure whether or not it is right for anyone but you and yours. CIO and Spanking are the two i cannot form a coherent argument to support.
I understand the arguments that are made in favor of them but i also see the flaws that make them incorrect. on a really simple level they use the end to justify the means without considering the reasons it "worked" and the ramifications of that. what if the parents don't know those reasons and ramifications? how are they every going to know if they are never held acceptable for those decisions?
since questioning other peoples parenting is taboo and we are expected to just mind our own business how are people ever supposed to hear the other side of the argument? parents can opt to never have their choices questioned by anyone who disagrees with them. they can just do what they want and decide everyone else is wrong without ever having to argue their points with someone who disagrees. how are people ever going to learn if they never have to defend their actions?
debate is one of the best ways to learn. you know that if your best argument for or against something dies a slow death in a debate you might be wrong. not an emotional debate of course.. but in a truly logical and fact based debate for educational purposes.
btw this is sort of my opinion on politics too... how come its ok to form your opinion but never test it in debate? if your so sure your right why wouldn't you want to try and convince others? but thats another story. religion is different.. people have a right to their beliefs since none of can really prove beyond a doubt that other people are wrong.
it seems like subjects that are 'personal' have become taboo in our society so we don't hurt each others feelings. but i wonder if this is really a positive thing. why would you be so emotional about your parenting or politics that no one has the right to question you? i would rather have my opinions challenged and find out i was wrong and change what i believe that be eternally unchallenged and never know there was a better way to do things. i guess i don't understand why we are not held accountable for our opinions. everyone says it's b/c there is no right answer. i disagree with this. i think there is often more then one right answer.... but there are definitely right answers and wrong answers. maybe i am wrong though.... i think i am about to find out
parenting effects people who cant advocate for themselves... is the 'to each their own' mentality really the best for our society?