I wouldn't say anything to someone I didn't know VERY well about her choice to FF. If it was my best friend, I'd say, "Hey, just wondering... love you to pieces... have you considered breast feeding?" because yeah, it's a choice. FF is not abuse! If she said she was interested but (fill in blank) if I had some tips I would share them.
Like I said above, I didn't even say anything to the woman who hit her child for touching a "cake" (not a real cake) made out of diapers (yes, disposable! LOL). I did lean over and say something to my husband, and I did hug my baby against my chest and hurt inside for that child who gets hit like that for simply doing what kids do- explore.
But I was not about to stand up at a baby shower where the only person I knew was the pregnant mom (not the one hitting her child) and start a fight with a woman who knew everyone else there! Mainly, do you really think it would stop her from doing it? I doubt it. And her child didn't seem phased (not sure if that upsets me more or less!). This incident was not worthy of involving the law, and I would have only probably ruined my friend's baby shower by commenting.
If I see a dog without water routinely, I report it animal control... because it's abuse as defined by myself and the law.
If I saw a child being beaten (and there is a difference IMO between spanking and beating even though I hate both) I would call 911. That is entirely different from saying to someone when circumstances allow, "Have you tried time outs? I never had any success with spanking (which is a true statement if you don't spank
) or something.
Vaccinations, I'd never comment. Charged issue, and I in no way think it's abuse to vaccinate, even if I wouldn't give a certain vaccine.
CIO I agree depends. How you present something is hugely important. No one who means well or just doesn't know any better wants to be called an abuser. I learned how to handle these delicate situations a lot in dog rescue. Get on their level- relate to them. "I understand. Damn, last night I got NO sleep!!! I so wanted to just walk away!!!" mom to mom... then maybe, "But I just read a study about babies crying and giving up and how it can affect them, so I ended up trying this new white noise CD and walking around with my baby in the sling and it worked! Want to borrow mine?" or something. I've done things like that. I can't change someone's view of the world but I can try to offer helpful advice. We all have various ideas of what constitutes abuse, but at some point the law wins.
Alienating someone removes ANY chance you ever had of influencing her in a positive way.