How can I get my 15yo to stop eating in his room?

[bubbles]

Any ideas? A little background: This is my nephew who has only been with us for a little over a year. He developed this bad habit while living with my mom. We have been working on it since he came. I have had talks, docked his allowance for each dish/cup, taken away priviledges, etc. to no avail. It really drives me crazy 'cause he is pretty careless and had made some messes. When he fell asleep with at 20oz glass of apple juice and soaked the mattress I had had it. What else can I do to get him to stop? We don't eat in our room and set a good example for where it is appropriate to eat.

[calgal007]

He's fifteen years old, so good luck changing him. I used to do a room search every couple of days for my ds; finally I bought a dishpan and used that to clear out the organic trash and the dishes.
We have a 'no food outside of the kitchen' rule as well; teens are like babies in that if something comforts them, they indulge whatever the impulse is. Teen years are very tough on everyone. Food in the bedrooms is probably not that big deal in the big scheme of things.

[LDSmomma6]

The rule in my house in no food outside the dining area. Occasionally popcorn in the family room, but nothing else. My 13 yr old tried to start taking food in his room, and I was like NO WAY!! You may have to start nicely, but drinks would be my first thing to say no too. Nothing worse then sugar ants, and other bugs in the room...

Good luck!! I hope you can change him.

[Clarity]

He has to live in it, right? Apart from demanding some basic cleanup, it's not an issue I'd tackle with a teenager...it seems low on the "critical issue" scale and just the source of unnecessary power struggles. he'll just hide it, and then there'll be more conflict. How about a colored coded dish/cup/bowl that are the only ones he's allowed to use in his room? if they're dirty, he has to rinse them out and reuse. I would guess he, like all teenage boys, wants to eat a lot, and he also wants privacy. So snacking mean being in the rest of the house. At that age, and in a new household, I can sympathize with his desire to withdraw.

[lilyka]

i would say cut the allowance all together. He ruined a mattress so he definitely owes you for that. And if he can't respect the rules in your house then don't reward him with an allowance. Also You could just go take it out of his room mid meal and toss it. This is what I do if I catch my children sneaking snack into thier room. Also parhaps an open door policy is helpful. Respect is a two way street. he is old enough to respect your rules if expects you to respect his privacy.

You could also mention that drinks are especially not allowed except a water bottle. once that mattress starts to stink he may appreciate this rule a little more.

[momto l&a]

Boy, I am glad my mother let me eat where ever I wanted to in the house BUT if I made a mess I had to clean it up.

My parents taught me responsibility for my actions, which I nowday am very grateful for that all important lesson.

[bubbles]

Thanks mamas. It is good to hear different points of view. I guess in the long run I have to keep in mind that the big issues are the most important and my main focus is to help him to be a responsible and caring member of our society. We will keep working on this!

[Marsupialmom]

A friend of mine got 4 extra kids over night, with many, many bad habits.

Well with these extra kids she had just one plate for each person in the house. She noticed quickly their plates were always washed and in the dish rack. They knew they could not eat the next meal unless their plate was clean, so if they left it anywhere they had to go retrieve and clean it first. She also liked how this reduced actual clean up/dish time for her. Every one was responcible for their own plate and she could easily rotate which kids did the pans each night.

Well, this was not the same for cups until she made all cups and silverware disappear to one to person.

I wonder if this would help him and you.

Make the cups smaller so if it gets spilt it is less of a deal. You could also consider cups with straws and lids.

I am not a fan of food in bedrooms because of bugs and rodents. I have lived in places infested with roaches and it creeps me out.

[mamawanabe]

I HATED my parent's rule about not eating on the couch (otherwise we were allowed to eat anywhere; and eating in my room, where I did homework and talked on the phone and read and listened to music, was kind of important since as a pre-teenager and teen I ate constantly).

Anyway, I understood the reasoning behind the rule - new couch - but it was still really hard to leave the TV and sit at the kitchen table or the living room floor when I wanted to eat or drink. We were good kids mostly, but we broke that rule every single day, jumping off the couch when we heard our mom's car. So, irrational or not, I understand your son's resistance. Resistance to one rule *may* not signal a general disregard for your house rules; it *may* just be that this one sticks in his craw.

I hope not to have rules for my child's own room, which is her own space (to avoid the whole "clean up you room" power-struggle that soured my mom and sister's relationship all through high school). If I were you, I'd set a dishpan in the hall or right inside his room to encoruage dirty dishes to make it back to the kitchen, but otherwise let him to live in mess. Maybe encoruage him to have friends over (in the hopes he'll want a cleanish room for them evne if not for himself).

But I understand that differnt things are important to different people.

Good luck!

[Lucky Charm]

Food in the bedrooms is probably not that big deal in the big scheme of things.

I agree with this. I say pick your battles. If this is the owrse thing he does, count your blessings.

[lilyka]

This became a timely thread for me because twice today we had huge issues that started with food being where it wasn't supposed to be. First there was a awful chemical smell comeing from my dd room that lead brought her sister to hysterics, which of course she didn't care about and it was seeping into my room (we have shared vents). turned out to be rotting food. I thought it was gas at first and almost called them out to check it. Would have been a waste of time and money for them and for me. Second was my other dd who snuck yogurt in the car. There are some exceptable car foods, yogurt is not one of them. Well now it is all over the seats, seat belt, carpet and window (because she sat in it and didn't know and then tried to clean it up.) and of course dh blames me.

I just don't htink her rule is unreasnable. She made it for a reason. A reason I can really relate to

[mamawanabe]

Maybe ask him to help. Lay out the problem(s) that the solution, i.e. the no-eating-in-room rule, addresses (dirty dishes? rotting food?) and ask him if he can help you come up with a solution(s) that would would as well or almost as well as your no-eating-in-room rule. Giving him some agency over the situation may help him feel invested in fixing the problem, in following whatever new rule/guidelines he and you come up with??

Good luck