need advice on a situation

[Shy0717]

Ok the plan for my delivery was to have my mom and a friend of mine be present at the birth. My friend would act as my doula. The initial plan was to have her mom watch her 2 boys (7 and 3) and then she'd drive up (she's about 6 hrs away) when I went into labor. Well now we've figured out that if the baby doesn't come this week she'd have to bring her boys with her. Usually I'm pretty tolerant and ok with the boys being around but the last time they visited a few weeks ago I had a hard time with all the meltdowns with the little one. I blamed it on my pregnancy hormones because usually the boys don't bother me at all and I love being around them. I am however extremely nervous about them attending the birth. There's really been no preparation and I'm not quite sure how I'll react or how they'll react in the situation. It's kind of last minute for me to try to find someone to watch them. In the same instance, she is also one of my only 2 support people that I have there for the birth. My mom has been relying on the fact that she'll be there as well as back up. I honestly don't know what to do. What would you guys recommend doing?

[chely7425]

I would do my best to find someone else to watch the boys... do you have any friends in town who could watch the boys?

[Voltige]

Tough one. This is your first labor? Your friend is 6 hours away? Other things can happen too- like she might not be able to get there in time. My first labor was only 5 hours. Have you considered hiring a local doula? It might not be too late if you click with someone you call right away. Are you going unassisted or using a midwife? Sorry if I can't recall the details. . . .

I would think that two kids, unprepared for birth, and not YOUR kids especially, would be very distracting. Heck my own kid IS getting on my last nerve these days and I've gone from wanting him at the birth to thinking NO WAY. So I do understand your change in attitude about being around them in general.

[Shy0717]

Originally Posted by chely7425

I would do my best to find someone else to watch the boys... do you have any friends in town who could watch the boys?

Well considering it's last minute and they'd have to be on call at a moment's notice not really. Everyone works and the only other one I know that is a stay at home mom really wouldn't be my first choice so I'm hesitant to ask her. And at the end of the day if they don't handle everything well she'd have to go tend to them, which I wouldn't expect anything less. It's just that we've kind of planned for them not being here. They'd also be staying here at my place and leaving the birth center I'd have to come home and kind of be hostess ya know? I'm torn. Voltige, earlier in my pregnancy we went over this and I thought about hiring a doula because I thought something might come up at the last minute. The initial plan has been to have her come down when I think I might be getting close but not feeling like its going to be this week. I suppose I could call around though and see about finding a doula. Luckily I'm close to my mom and she's been my main support person so I'm confident in her abilities.

[Voltige]

Originally Posted by Shy0717

They'd also be staying here at my place and leaving the birth center I'd have to come home and kind of be hostess ya know? I'm torn.

This would NOT be cool with me at all. I think that if labor happens this week and your friend can leave her kids at home with her mother- great! But maybe for next week you can connect with a doula as a back up plan.

It's so difficult, this planning for labor thing. I know. I've been 'round and 'round with child care issues and the "what ifs" if DH can't get home to take me to the birth center (he works 2 hours away most days). My plan has changed many times and is still evolving. The uncertainty is not ideal, but I figure everything will work out in the end.

[rivkah]

I am sorry this situation is coming up for you at the last minute.

This is really a matter of personal preference, but for me, I'd rather forgo the friend support than deal with the boys. It can be hard to deal with your own children during labor and the next couple of days, let alone another person's kids. I am sure they are perfectly wonderful children, but they will likely seem super annoying to you when you just want to focus on your labor/baby.

[Ianthe]

Originally Posted by Shy0717

Voltige, earlier in my pregnancy we went over this and I thought about hiring a doula because I thought something might come up at the last minute. The initial plan has been to have her come down when I think I might be getting close but not feeling like its going to be this week. I suppose I could call around though and see about finding a doula. Luckily I'm close to my mom and she's been my main support person so I'm confident in her abilities.

Try to look in your local area in finding your tribe for a doula. You might be able to find one who needs a certifying birth, who would do it for free or cheap.

I wouldn't rely on a friend who does not have firm childcare and lives so far away. You can still invite her to the birth, but not depend on her to be there.