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Women of Color #13

post #1 of 845
Thread Starter 
Welcome to the new thread everyone!
post #2 of 845
Thread Starter 
Bloomingstar, how about a mei tai or ABC carrier? My kids have all been pretty heavy and that (along with the traditional West African back carry) has been my lifesaver!! I sewed my own but there are lots of beautiful, strong and functional ones out there. If you don't want to deal with all the straps, there's an Ergo which is still less than a good stroller. However, I'm not opposed to strollers at all. I use them for my kids with no shame. Sometimes you don't feel like having extra weight on you. Sometimes it's nice to have someplace to put stuff.
post #3 of 845
:
post #4 of 845
Hi ladies!
post #5 of 845
Hello beautiful ladies :. That thread got very long didn't it.
post #6 of 845

A Hair Moment

Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?
post #7 of 845
I'm so sorry that happened to you. My thoughts, though, would probably come off as unsupportive so I'm not going there. Instead, :. Be well, beautiful!
post #8 of 845
Olliepop

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):
post #9 of 845
!WELCOME TO OUR NEW THREAD!
Thanks Rootzdawta for starting our new thread!
And I hope that this new thread is as successful as the last one!

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):
post #10 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by rootzdawta View Post
Bloomingstar, how about a mei tai or ABC carrier? My kids have all been pretty heavy and that (along with the traditional West African back carry) has been my lifesaver!! I sewed my own but there are lots of beautiful, strong and functional ones out there. If you don't want to deal with all the straps, there's an Ergo which is still less than a good stroller. However, I'm not opposed to strollers at all. I use them for my kids with no shame. Sometimes you don't feel like having extra weight on you. Sometimes it's nice to have someplace to put stuff.
I'm definitely thinking about a back carry. Gonna try to get to a fabric store sometime soon. A stroller would be nice for longer walks and whatnot in the heat. And I think my husband would enjoy one--I am just not too keen on hauling anything around on the bus or up and down the stairs to our apartment. :

Quote:
Originally Posted by olliepop View Post
Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?
BTDT, but at the time I was living in Western MA where I figured no one could really do my hair. And I was dating ladies then too, so a little androgyny didn't hurt me none But I also, after awhile, HATED having short hair because I'm a flaming femme at heart and it annoyed me to be misread by people (since they expect femme girls to have longer hair, etc.) I feel you on the being misread thing, but after awhile I also realized it was the other people's issue of misreading me because of their own limitations, and I didn't have to hate my hair or feel bad about it--my hair was doing what it and I needed it to do, and that was all that was important.

I think so many people just have very limited gender norms and also are bad at reading people's energy or vibe. Aren't there people you know who, no matter what they're wearing, just ooze whatever they're more inclined to? I have quite a number of butch friends with huge breasts who are always called "sir" and male friends with plenty facial hair who are mistaken for girls--it's just because of the energy they put out. But for these same women who get called sir, and the guys who are called girls, plenty people totally miss the vibe and you end up with the "sirs" getting hit on by men (who maybe just noticed the breasts, after all) and the boys getting hit on by women who haven't noticed that the boys' hair is more "done" than theirs will ever be and that they can't remotely be interested in them. Completel obvious to some people, but other remain completely oblivious.

All that to say--were you enjoying your hair before? Do you hold this lady's opinion in higher esteem than you own? Enjoy your hair, and be the you that you know you are, and bump the rest.
post #11 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by olliepop View Post
Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?

Yup, I have BTDT and it was hard. When I was wearing my hair in twists, my former secretary made a very hurtful comment. It bothered me so much, that I posted on here about it. However, what I quickly realized that it was her problem and not mine. She had many issues with skin color and hair texture. Find pictures or images of women who are rocking natural hair. I saw a young woman the other day with a beautiful fro. This woman was just gorgeous and naturally so. It gave me incentive to continue to grow my hair out and wear it natural again. Lastly, don't let this one incident convince you that everyone sees you that way--one person, one opinion.
post #12 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplegirl View Post
Yup, I have BTDT and it was hard. When I was wearing my hair in twists, my former secretary made a very hurtful comment. It bothered me so much, that I posted on here about it. However, what I quickly realized that it was her problem and not mine. She had many issues with skin color and hair texture. Find pictures or images of women who are rocking natural hair. I saw a young woman the other day with a beautiful fro. This woman was just gorgeous and naturally so. It gave me incentive to continue to grow my hair out and wear it natural again. Lastly, don't let this one incident convince you that everyone sees you that way--one person, one opinion.

Thanks. I appreciate your replies. My self esteem just really took a hit.
post #13 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bloomingstar View Post
I'm definitely thinking about a back carry. Gonna try to get to a fabric store sometime soon. A stroller would be nice for longer walks and whatnot in the heat. And I think my husband would enjoy one--I am just not too keen on hauling anything around on the bus or up and down the stairs to our apartment. :



BTDT, but at the time I was living in Western MA where I figured no one could really do my hair. And I was dating ladies then too, so a little androgyny didn't hurt me none But I also, after awhile, HATED having short hair because I'm a flaming femme at heart and it annoyed me to be misread by people (since they expect femme girls to have longer hair, etc.) I feel you on the being misread thing, but after awhile I also realized it was the other people's issue of misreading me because of their own limitations, and I didn't have to hate my hair or feel bad about it--my hair was doing what it and I needed it to do, and that was all that was important.

I think so many people just have very limited gender norms and also are bad at reading people's energy or vibe. Aren't there people you know who, no matter what they're wearing, just ooze whatever they're more inclined to? I have quite a number of butch friends with huge breasts who are always called "sir" and male friends with plenty facial hair who are mistaken for girls--it's just because of the energy they put out. But for these same women who get called sir, and the guys who are called girls, plenty people totally miss the vibe and you end up with the "sirs" getting hit on by men (who maybe just noticed the breasts, after all) and the boys getting hit on by women who haven't noticed that the boys' hair is more "done" than theirs will ever be and that they can't remotely be interested in them. Completel obvious to some people, but other remain completely oblivious.

All that to say--were you enjoying your hair before? Do you hold this lady's opinion in higher esteem than you own? Enjoy your hair, and be the you that you know you are, and bump the rest.

Yes!!
post #14 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by olliepop View Post
Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?
When I first went natural almost 10 years ago and did the big chop I had about 1-2 inches on my head. Whenever someone made a comment that was less than enthusiastic it was pretty hard to deal with...that said, I recently cut off my dreads which we to the middle of my back and guess what? I have a short fro again...yeah, I have gotten some folks who seemed like they think I looked better with long hair, I probably did but I was tired of it and I love the ease of short hair.

The difference this time for me is that I see beauty in many different ways, to sound cheesy I guess you could say I have had a paradigm shift in how I see beauty but its taken years.

All this to say, don't be hard on yourself and brush that woman and her thoughts off.

Shay
post #15 of 845
Since I like looking at the old threads here is the LINK for WOC #12

Olliepop I have BTDT. My DP's mother cut my hair and a WHOLE bunch of people were there. I had almost bra strap length permed hair and cut if off until to less than a 1 inch twa. People were saying the most rude things, "why would you do something so stupid?", "Just make it a short permed style, it won't look right natural.", "What if your hair doesn't grow back!!??","you gone look like a boy." I just kept smiling and said I am not tripping my hair will look right no matter what because it just grows that way and that shut them right up. If someone had a inkling to say something off the wall I just sang India Irie's song, "I am not my hair".

I honestly didn't get the whole your hair might not grow back crap. It had been growing forever why because I cut my perm off would it stop? You just have show people that their opinions don't count because they will try to tear you down with their own ignorant mentalities. The lady may have been jealous because she doesn't feel she can wear her hair short so she will say something obviously mean to make you feel bad. She sounds like a bully and I bet you are absolutely beautiful with your hair done any way .
post #16 of 845
I think people will always have something to say when what you're doing doesn't conform to their norms. I've never had a TWA but I've always been natural and there was always somebody with something negative to say about that. The best was when they would try to give me the "compliment" - "Well you can get away with it cause you got good hair." As wearing natural hair has become more mainstream, I've gotten very few comments about it. The most negative came last year when someone in a group I was facilitating decided to do me "favor" and give me her daughter's card since her daughter does hair and she (the mother) was tired looking at my hair pulled into a bun (wasn't growing locks then). At first I didn't know how to take that but the more I thought about it the more insulted I felt. Luckily, those experiences are in the minority for me and I just say to hell with them now.
post #17 of 845
I would say i didnt hit "the doldrums" concerning my naps until I started freeforming SEVEN YEARS into locking my hair lol. I had to get used to my thickening root bed and how I would have lil fly-aways everywhere and EVERYBODY wanted to ask me when i was going to twist again. I STILL get people asking (like week before last) when Im going to twist again or they'll just ask when Im going to cut my hair (which I guess is understandable since my hair is stretching past my butt now lol).

I was so down and out about my hair and i seriously considered doing a big chop, but i held fast and now my locks have finally "grown into themselves" and back to feeling lovely again.

I dunno what it is tho that makes people think that they can run a commentary on your appearance like that; its just a huge assumption people make when they wanna comment like that.
post #18 of 845
Bloomingstar, speaking from experience I would look for a stroller. I live in Houston and it is 110 degrees outside. "If" I were to ever have a baby in Houston, I probably would not babywear. Maybe in the winter, but not for a majority of the year. You will be hot, and the baby hotter. Andrew was miserable in his Ergo once we moved to Houston, and I am from Atlanta so we know heat. Just not 110 degree in June heat.

We love our Maclaren Quest Mod, and it travels quite well.
post #19 of 845
You have locs down past your butt? Fabulous! Have we seen pictures?

I saw a Toni Morrison interview on PBS a while back and she had the most amazing locs I've ever seen. They were really really long and all silvery, and she had them twisted into this ridiculously elegant style-- by which I mean, it looked WAY too elegant to be on a person's head. Absolutely stunning.
post #20 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by eilonwy View Post
You have locs down past your butt? Fabulous! Have we seen pictures?

I saw a Toni Morrison interview on PBS a while back and she had the most amazing locs I've ever seen. They were really really long and all silvery, and she had them twisted into this ridiculously elegant style-- by which I mean, it looked WAY too elegant to be on a person's head. Absolutely stunning.
LOL, nah no real good recent pic, but im changing that this weekend (i just started my Facebook page and my longlost friends are demanding updated pics).

I heart Toni's locks...i have severe lock envy when it comes to her crown because i LOVE salt and pepper and/or silver locks.
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