Women of Color #13 - Page 30

[Barbamama]

Congratulations, Andrewsmother! I'm in the DC area, (live in NE as well) Welcome!

On the schools front -- I'm surprised that WIS's Spanish and French immersion curricula aren't on par with one another. I have a friend who teaches at WIS, I need to ask her about this.

I've been planning a French immersion education for DD, can't say that I know everything about all of the options, but I'd be happy to compare notes/share observations with you.

All the best.

[Brown Lioness]

Congrats, Andrewsmother! If you need any help with Howard, let me know.

WOO, HOO, Bison! lol

[olliepop]

If you read a children's book about race, which terms would you like to see?

African-American
Black
Caucasian
White
Indian
Asian
Hispanic
Latino

Am I forgetting anyone?

[jeca]

Why aren't I getting any updates on this thread?
The terms used wouldn't matter much as long as they are terms the child understands, at least to my kids.
Anyone gearing up for Thanksgiving? we don't live near any family so ours will be small as usual. We do have a conflict this year. Dh's favorite football team will be in town on TGD to play. I know he wants to go even if he won't say so. So what do you think?

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by olliepop

If you read a children's book about race, which terms would you like to see?

African-American
Black
Caucasian
White
Indian
Asian
Hispanic
Latino

Am I forgetting anyone?

Mixed!

Speaking of, I was in Target last week and saw these books for the first time. Has anyone read them?

[AndrewsMother]

Originally Posted by Barbamama

Congratulations, Andrewsmother! I'm in the DC area, (live in NE as well) Welcome!

On the schools front -- I'm surprised that WIS's Spanish and French immersion curricula aren't on par with one another. I have a friend who teaches at WIS, I need to ask her about this.

I've been planning a French immersion education for DD, can't say that I know everything about all of the options, but I'd be happy to compare notes/share observations with you.

All the best.

Barbamama, French International follows the French Education system curriculum which includes about 5 hours of English Instruction a week above grade 1. All other classes are taught in French.
During PK3-K, only 2.5. to 5 hours of weekly English instruction is provided.

Washington International follows the International Baccalaureate Primary Years Program (PYP). Half the course time is spent in English and the other half in the chosen language. French International spends more time each day instructing in the French Language.

I don't like the PYP curriculum when compared to that of the French Ministry. I would prefer solid instruction in the 2nd language up until grade 5 or 6, then move Andrew to a school like WIS that offers more than 1 hour a day of the 2nd language, a healthy dose of English, and the introduction to a third language.

I would love to compare notes with you. I will pm you my email address.

[AndrewsMother]

Originally Posted by Brown Lioness

Congrats, Andrewsmother! If you need any help with Howard, let me know.

WOO, HOO, Bison! lol

Thank you!!! I will contact you, I am sure!!

[AndrewsMother]

Originally Posted by olliepop

If you read a children's book about race, which terms would you like to see?

African-American
Black
Caucasian
White
Indian
Asian
Hispanic
Latino

Am I forgetting anyone?

Afro-Latino. They are both of African and Latino heritage.

Originally Posted by jeca

Why aren't I getting any updates on this thread?
The terms used wouldn't matter much as long as they are terms the child understands, at least to my kids.
Anyone gearing up for Thanksgiving? we don't live near any family so ours will be small as usual. We do have a conflict this year. Dh's favorite football team will be in town on TGD to play. I know he wants to go even if he won't say so. So what do you think?

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, but not exactly thrilled. Once again, I will miss my families "Thanksgiving Dinner". I am so set in our traditons, that I am hesitant to eat with anyone else.

This year we are eating dinner with a family whose traditons are somewhat similar to my own, so I am hopeful. There should not be any paper plate eating while standing in front of the television surprises.

I am roasting the turkey and preparing the dressing, so I will pray that my cuklinary skills don't fail me.

What time is the game? Could you have dinner before or after the game?

Originally Posted by eilonwy

Mixed!

Speaking of, I was in Target last week and saw these books for the first time. Has anyone read them?

I have always thought that mixed held negative connotations, like mutt, and mulatto.

Those books are interesting. I don't think that I care for the terminology, but maybe that is because most blacks in the country are of a combined heritage. Is a distinction only made when the additional ethnicities are blatantly obvious?

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by AndrewsMother

I have always thought that mixed held negative connotations, like mutt, and mulatto.

I think it's like the word 'queer'; A lot of the older generation don't like it, a lot of the younger generation have made it their own. Being in between the kids and the old folks, I tend to refer to myself as "mixed" unless I'm dealing with snooty folks who like big words (then it's "multicultural") or I'm joking around with friends (then it's "your beautiful but tragic mulatto"). I have an odd sense of humor, though. But yes, lots of people just say, "I'm mixed" and leave it at that-- particularly individuals in their late teens & twenties who have largely moved past politically correct affectations.

Those books are interesting. I don't think that I care for the terminology, but maybe that is because most blacks in the country are of a combined heritage. Is a distinction only made when the additional ethnicities are blatantly obvious?

The distinction is usually made by individuals who don't feel comfortable, for whatever reason, discounting certain aspects of their heritage. It's certainly true that most African Americans are mixed to some extent, but the majority don't identify themselves that way. The ones who do (like myself) tend to be individuals who aren't obviously one thing or another, or individuals who appear to be obviously one thing or another but who were raised multiculturally (i.e. A child who appears to be black in terms of skin color, hair texture, & features but who lives with her Jewish grandmother and thinks of herself primarily as a Jew; A child who appears to be white but is being raised almost exclusively by black relatives, etc). Most of the people that I know who identify as mixed do so because they're not comfortable identifying as anything else. For me, it would be about denial of some aspect of who I am. I could "pass" for lots of different things, if I chose to do so, but I'd have to discount part of myself and that'd be weak. Saying "multicultural" just strikes me as pretentious and silly most of the time, so I don't like to bother with it unless I'm in a situation that calls for pretentious silliness.

[Sorin]

Originally Posted by olliepop

If you read a children's book about race, which terms would you like to see?

African-American
Black
Caucasian
White
Indian
Asian
Hispanic
Latino

Am I forgetting anyone?

Any of these are fine with me, but you probably need to distinguish between "Native American" and "East Indian." Of course, it would also be nice to see a book that broke down "Asian" and "Latino" into the individual cultures/ethnicities--Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Mexican, Puerto Rican, Cuban, etc.

[Bloomingstar]

Hi everone! I'm still around, just not as much. Lamine is growing so quickly it is hard to keep up! He just cut his third tooth, is crawling all over the place (and following us around) and pulling up to standing and doing all sorts of things. He'll be 10 months in about a week. I applied for and got a part-time job that I am actually excited about but my anxiety about leaving my baby with someone else during the day for 3 days a week has kind of dampened the excitement. Everyone tells me it'll be harder on me than on him and I REALLY hope that is true. I feel like he and I are really attached to one another in a way I never expected. It's been absolutely wonderful to spend the first 10 months at home with him. I feel like I am slowly going back into the world. I used my ipod for the first time today since before he was born and I literally had to stop someone when I reached my destination and ask them how to turn it off because I could not remember! Things like that have been happening a lot and are pretty funny.

All that to say, we're doing well and I can't believe it's been almost a year since I had my baby!

[cessation]

Hi ladies!

I'd love to join this group. I'm married with one 3 almost 4 yr old dd with another dd due Dec 30th. We are a natural hair wearing family from Memphis, TN. I'm currently working on my Masters in Special Education. Why did I start right before baby number 2? I'm crazy, lol.

Anyway can't wait to join the discussions and get to know everyone.

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by cessation

Hi ladies!

I'd love to join this group. I'm married with one 3 almost 4 yr old dd with another dd due Dec 30th. We are a natural hair wearing family from Memphis, TN. I'm currently working on my Masters in Special Education. Why did I start right before baby number 2? I'm crazy, lol.

Anyway can't wait to join the discussions and get to know everyone.

Hey Welcome to our tribe. I loveeeee this tribe and though I don't post much these days, I lurk to keep up with my girls!!

[JustKiya]

Welcome cessation!! I'm in Memphis too - it's exciting to see another natural minded mom of color in the area!

[ErikaDP]

Hello Sisterfriends,

December 1st is World AIDS Day. Let's unite to help fight AIDS in Africa. Please watch this short video: http://www.joinred.com/lazaruseffect.aspx and post this fact on your blogs, Facebook walls and personal webpages: It costs around 40 cents a day for the 2 pills that can help keep a person living with HIV in Africa alive. Please join the international effort to raise awareness and much needed funds by joining (RED) - ONE COLOR UNITES US by going to http://www.joinred.com/Splash.aspx Thank You!

*..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by ErikaDP

Hello Sisterfriends,

December 1st is World AIDS Day. Let's unite to help fight AIDS in Africa. Please watch this short video: http://www.joinred.com/lazaruseffect.aspx and post this fact on your blogs, Facebook walls and personal webpages: It costs around 40 cents a day for the 2 pills that can help keep a person living with HIV in Africa alive. Please join the international effort to raise awareness and much needed funds by joining (RED) - ONE COLOR UNITES US by going to http://www.joinred.com/Splash.aspx Thank You!

*..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

Thanks for posting this Erika. I made a donation as this is a cause near and dear to my heart.

I just received a heart wrenching email from my bff. She is devastated to learn that her husband of several years is bisexual. I intuitively knew this but never spoke with her because frankly, it's none of my business. She is soliciting advice from her closest friends about how to proceed forward. They have three young children, a huge mortgage and all that comes with sharing a life for such a long time. My best advice to her is to continue to love him in the manner she has for all of these years. He's told her that he has not stepped outside of their marriage and has no plans on doing so. Yet, she feels betrayed. I understand her sense of betrayal because he probably should have told her this years ago. [BTW,she learned by googling one of his screen names.] Evidently, he had an ad on a bisexual dating website.


Anything else you would suggest that I offer her for comfort? I am not seeing this as a huge deal because they've had such a great marriage and she is assured he has not cheated on her in any way. He's a great guy and as I told her, coming out is never an easy process. Him being bi is not going to change the person he is--perhaps how she sees him though. I am certain he thought he could keep this info and never share it with her, but the internet is a resourceful place, making it hard to conceal things like this.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions. I understand how she feels as this has shaken up her world, but I think it has the potential to make their relationship stronger too.

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by purplegirl

Thanks for posting this Erika. I made a donation as this is a cause near and dear to my heart.

I just received a heart wrenching email from my bff. She is devastated to learn that her husband of several years is bisexual. I intuitively knew this but never spoke with her because frankly, it's none of my business. She is soliciting advice from her closest friends about how to proceed forward. They have three young children, a huge mortgage and all that comes with sharing a life for such a long time. My best advice to her is to continue to love him in the manner she has for all of these years. He's told her that he has not stepped outside of their marriage and has no plans on doing so. Yet, she feels betrayed. I understand her sense of betrayal because he probably should have told her this years ago. [BTW,she learned by googling one of his screen names.] Evidently, he had an ad on a bisexual dating website.


Anything else you would suggest that I offer her for comfort? I am not seeing this as a huge deal because they've had such a great marriage and she is assured he has not cheated on her in any way. He's a great guy and as I told her, coming out is never an easy process. Him being bi is not going to change the person he is--perhaps how she sees him though. I am certain he thought he could keep this info and never share it with her, but the internet is a resourceful place, making it hard to conceal things like this.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions. I understand how she feels as this has shaken up her world, but I think it has the potential to make their relationship stronger too.

I would probably listen to her and support her in anyway I could without adding my opinion. Though if they stay together is it realistic that he will remain faithful? If she found is ad on a site then that would lead me to think he is interested in exploring his sexuality, is that something she can live with?

Hard stuff, funny you mentioned you knew because I have someone in my life who is going through some marital stuff and I suspect its a similiar situation but like you it ain't my place to say a thing.

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by shayinme

I would probably listen to her and support her in anyway I could without adding my opinion. Though if they stay together is it realistic that he will remain faithful? If she found is ad on a site then that would lead me to think he is interested in exploring his sexuality, is that something she can live with?

Hard stuff, funny you mentioned you knew because I have someone in my life who is going through some marital stuff and I suspect its a similar situation but like you it ain't my place to say a thing.

Thanks for the input, Shay. She just sent me a copy of the ad and it is from 2002. It seems this was earlier on in their relationship and he swears he's not been with anyone since they've been married. Again, I am reminding her of the wonderful person he is and has been to her over the years. I get that this has shaken her sense of 'knowing' him, but I reminded her of the dynamics of coming out, especially if you're a bi man who is married.

[ErikaDP]

Originally Posted by shayinme

I would probably listen to her and support her in anyway I could without adding my opinion...

Hi Lisa,

First, I want to say what a good friend she must feel she has in you to share this information with you! You must be such a blessing to her at this time.
Second, I totally agree with Shay's advice above. It is especially good advice if she decides to change course later on(staying in the marriage after initially thinking she would leave or leaving after initially thinking she would stay). By being "just" a sounding board for her, you will help her to see that the loudest voice in her head guiding her decisions should be her own.

And lastly if you don't mind, I also would add that with this story and with all that is going on in the news these days(because the most important thing to report about in the world today is who is sleeping with who), I let these stories serve as a personal reminder that I can only control my own sexuality.
I also remind myself that in order to be safe, healthy and happy sexually, I have to be able to have frank conversations with my sexual partner about all aspects of our sexuality(as individuals and as a couple).
I hope that she finds a way forward in her relationship with her husband.

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by ErikaDP

Hi Lisa,

First, I want to say what a good friend she must feel she has in you to share this information with you! You must be such a blessing to her at this time.
Second, I totally agree with Shay's advice above. It is especially good advice if she decides to change course later on(staying in the marriage after initially thinking she would leave or leaving after initially thinking she would stay). By being "just" a sounding board for her, you will help her to see that the loudest voice in her head guiding her decisions should be her own.

And lastly if you don't mind, I also would add that with this story and with all that is going on in the news these days(because the most important thing to report about in the world today is who is sleeping with who), I let these stories serve as a personal reminder that I can only control my own sexuality.
I also remind myself that in order to be safe, healthy and happy sexually, I have to be able to have frank conversations with my sexual partner about all aspects of our sexuality(as individuals and as a couple).
I hope that she finds a way forward in her relationship with her husband.

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

Thank you so much, Erika . I spoke with her late last night; her anxiety level has decreased significantly. At least for the moment, she realizes that her biggest concerns have to do with the fear of abandonment. Her husband has reassured her that he isn't going anywhere and finds his happiness in what they have developed.

I agree with being honest about all aspects of our sexuality. My friend's situation prompted me and my dh to talk frankly about our pasts. My dh is an extremely forthright man which I have learned to appreciate over time. Like I said to my friend, honesty can deepen emotional intimacy which only serves to strengthen a relationship.
Has anyone read the book, The Conversation by Hill Harper? My dh gave it to me this weekend. I just started reading it. It deals with the subject of being courageous in our conversations with partners in order to create better and deeper connections.

It feels good to reconnect with you all here. I spend a lot of time on facebook but instantly sought this tribe out when my friend called upon me for advice.