Women of Color #13 - Page 4

[Brown Lioness]

Originally Posted by purplegirl

Would you all indulge me? How long did you know your DP before marrying him? I had an interesting discussion with a friend about this and thus, I am curious to see what others experiences have been. Thanks!

We were married 13 months after we first met.

Sorin and cocoanib, Ima live vicariously through you two since I am waiting to TTC #1 (hopefully next year this time) and i am an ULTRA planner. I fear that I will totally be a wreck once we start ttc for the lack of control I will have in the process, lol.

As far as the WOC and the "AP" thing, i agree that most black americans are mainstream...to a point. If they pay any attention or listen to their grandmother or great grandmother who will most likely either be or had close ties to the south, they will undoubtedly be practicing some facet of "AP". My husband was cloth diapered....not because it was saving the environment but because its WAY cheaper than buying disposables.

I venture to say that so many black americans are opposed to non-mainstreams ways of parenting and such because we fought so hard to BE mainstream.

We fought HARD to be accepted into those labor and delivery wards, we fought HARD to afford the stroller and the formula and the crib, and i think we railed against breastfeeding anymore because had been breastfeeding everyone ELSE'S babies for so long and now we had the opportunity to get a good education and get a job? Why be "chained" to my baby by breastfeeding or looking "low class" or "savage" doing it, right? There was this status image that we were also trying to achieve, you know? Little did they know that they were shunning a heritage, a legacy and some of the glue that had kept our communities together when the world was trying to pull us apart, imo.

[Sorin]

Originally Posted by purplegirl

Would you all indulge me? How long did you know your DP before marrying him? I had an interesting discussion with a friend about this and thus, I am curious to see what others experiences have been. Thanks!

We will probably mess up your poll. We were together for 10 years before we got married. We've now been married for five. Fifteen years later, we are still crazy about each other! (Corny, I know.)

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by Sorin

We will probably mess up your poll. We were together for 10 years before we got married. We've now been married for five. Fifteen years later, we are still crazy about each other! (Corny, I know.)

*swooning*

A dear friend of mine met, who seems like a very nice fellow. He informed her from day one that he didn't want to date unless they shared the same goal of getting married. They are of one accord with this issue. However, he wants to be married by the end of this year, at which time they will have known each other for a total of six months. He has some work issues that will require him to travel overseas for a few months. He wants to make sure he takes care of business before leaving. She feels he is the 'one', but is wondering if the length of time that you know each other pre marriage. correlates with marital happiness/success. I am sure there is research on this topic, but she wanted anecdotal stories.



I knew my dh two years and he lived in another state. Essentially, we only saw each other a few times in that two year period. So I wanted to hear what your experiences were, to either encourage her or tell her to cool things down for a minute.


Oh, I should mention that he will be traveling to a very dangerous region which, I think, is a factor in him wanting to marry her so quickly.

Thanks lovelies!

[Arike]

Originally Posted by rootzdawta

[LIST]
I am so proud of you for sucking it up and getting up early to exercise. : As you know, that's what I do and I am too proud of myself for doing it. It's not easy at all! Thanks for the DVD rec. I'm always looking for variety. Right now, I use Women's Health DVDs . . . I bought all of them for less than $50 on ebay and I am seeing great results not necessarily in weight loss but in toning, strength and endurance. Plus physically, I feel good. My digestive health is better and I am fighting off cold and infection like a champion.

As for the IUD, I got the paraguard in a few months ago after a huge struggle with the insurance company. I went to three different providers before I finally sucked it up and went to my regular provider. I eventually had to come out of pocket for $700 (but was reimbursed for $550 later). It hurt like hell going in and I was dizzy for a while after insertion. It was in for about two months before the thing came out of place. I realized this when I was on like day 58 or some foolishness. I had to have it removed and it could not be replaced. Money down the drain. While it was in, the periods I had were god-awful. Cramps. Such a heavy flow. But I know a few ladies who have it and are super pleased with it. Our current birth control are condoms and I hate, hate, hate it but I really don't want to do hormonal and I'm done with the IUD. DH says he's done having kids. I am at the point where I think I am too. When ds2 is 4/5 years old, we'll decide if a vasectomy is in order.

Thanks Rootzdawta! You were inspiring me with your workout that you posted on your blog! And I also my mom actually gave me an unintentional kick in the pants when she said to me in a very callous way "Either you really need to go to the gym or your pregnant again!" She told me this at my friend's wedding reception. Here I was in a new dress thinking I look cute.... But oh well, she isn't exactly a skinny minny either... But I digress, working out feels so good and I am just now starting to feel good about it again. I had felt discouraged before because I have the daunting task of losing at least 15 pounds and just feeling like an alien in my body. I used to be at the gym all the time so I feel sort of embarrassed to go back looking the way I do now. For now, I enjoy working out in front of my tv in the privacy of my own home. I feel mentally ready to put the work in to get results!

In regards to the IUD, I have heard so many mixed things about it. I just really don't want to do hormonal BC because I already have my own issues with hormonal imbalance. And yeah DH hates condoms, and I don't trust a diaphragm. So we really are just abstaining until we figure out what our family planning situation is. We REALLY aren't ready to have another baby and we aren't even sure we want another so it's a big deal for us.

@purplegirl me and Dh were together for 6 years before getting married. Yeah that's a long time!

[futurmama8]

I am not married yet so I don't know if I should contribute but me and my DP have been together for 5 years last week : and have no plans to get married for another few years. I honestly am JUST now seeing how we will be since we were so young when we met.

I personally wouldn't get married that quick because that is out of my comfort level but if she is comfortable and not feeling pressured then she should follow her heart.

[cocoanib]

Originally Posted by Brown Lioness

I venture to say that so many black americans are opposed to non-mainstreams ways of parenting and such because we fought so hard to BE mainstream.

We fought HARD to be accepted into those labor and delivery wards, we fought HARD to afford the stroller and the formula and the crib, and i think we railed against breastfeeding anymore because had been breastfeeding everyone ELSE'S babies for so long and now we had the opportunity to get a good education and get a job? Why be "chained" to my baby by breastfeeding or looking "low class" or "savage" doing it, right? There was this status image that we were also trying to achieve, you know? Little did they know that they were shunning a heritage, a legacy and some of the glue that had kept our communities together when the world was trying to pull us apart, imo.

I like your take on things. I never thought about it this way.
Seems like the opposition could be deeply rooted.

[Arike]

Originally Posted by Brown Lioness

I venture to say that so many black americans are opposed to non-mainstreams ways of parenting and such because we fought so hard to BE mainstream.

We fought HARD to be accepted into those labor and delivery wards, we fought HARD to afford the stroller and the formula and the crib, and i think we railed against breastfeeding anymore because had been breastfeeding everyone ELSE'S babies for so long and now we had the opportunity to get a good education and get a job? Why be "chained" to my baby by breastfeeding or looking "low class" or "savage" doing it, right? There was this status image that we were also trying to achieve, you know? Little did they know that they were shunning a heritage, a legacy and some of the glue that had kept our communities together when the world was trying to pull us apart, imo.

ITA When my grandmother found out I was having a homebirth, she flipped out. She had my mom at home with a doctor in Mississippi but to her, that wasn't a choice. She felt like I have access to modern hospitals and technology so why would I choose to give birth at home?

[rootzdawta]

I first met DH in February. We started seriously checking for each other in July. By January of the next year, we were hitched. This coming January, we'll make 6 years happily married. And for all the naysaying that came from family and friends, I'm so thrilled that we are still so in love and we are working out fine. : Sometimes I can hardly believe it especially being that young and with all the doomsday predictions for our relationship. It's amazing.

[AndrewsMother]

DH and I married almost 2 years after we met. I told him from day one that I was not going to date him for more than 1 1/2 years without an engagement.

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by Brown Lioness

As far as the WOC and the "AP" thing, i agree that most black americans are mainstream...to a point. If they pay any attention or listen to their grandmother or great grandmother who will most likely either be or had close ties to the south, they will undoubtedly be practicing some facet of "AP". My husband was cloth diapered....not because it was saving the environment but because its WAY cheaper than buying disposables.

I venture to say that so many black americans are opposed to non-mainstreams ways of parenting and such because we fought so hard to BE mainstream.

We fought HARD to be accepted into those labor and delivery wards, we fought HARD to afford the stroller and the formula and the crib, and i think we railed against breastfeeding anymore because had been breastfeeding everyone ELSE'S babies for so long and now we had the opportunity to get a good education and get a job? Why be "chained" to my baby by breastfeeding or looking "low class" or "savage" doing it, right? There was this status image that we were also trying to achieve, you know? Little did they know that they were shunning a heritage, a legacy and some of the glue that had kept our communities together when the world was trying to pull us apart, imo.

I agree with what you said 100%. I really don't think we can just say Americans Blacks are mainstream without looking at the historical legacy. To do so is an injustice IMO.

Like you said, and I agree that many iof us with southern roots have some AP in us but the ugly history of racism and oppression made us shun that when given half the chance. I do think this where we need the younger generations to reclaim that heritage.

I known when I was pregnant with dd, my Pops was worried about me using a midwife but he got a copy of his own birth certificate and realized he had been born at home. Which makes sense, my paternal Granny had 16 kids and in rural Ark between the late 30's-mid 60's there is no way she would have had most of those kids at a hospital but this history was not shared.

When you look at the fact that we (Black American women) often served as wet nurses and domestics you can only imagine why when given the chance we would shun breast-feeding and domesticity at any costs.

So again, its up to us to change things to show we can infact embrace these things as they are positives.

Shay

[Jannah6]

Originally Posted by Draupadi

Oh, and hi! I'm glad we started a new thread! :
I'm doing good these days, although I've been a little bored and considering getting William into some classes or something. I've also been considering entering a business venture with a friend. We're thinking of opening a drop-in babysitting service. It's still in the planning stages...
I'm on month 5 of ttc and of course, I'm very anxious. I'll be in the 2ww in a few days so please pray to the PTB for me. I thought I was pregnant last month (and almost think I had an early MC) but it was not to be.
William's beginning the terrible twos and is doing lots of howling and screaming high pitched enough to grate at your eardrums. It never lasts long, but they're definitely increasing in frequency. I think I'm handling it well, though. Despite being GD, I'm pretty strict. Ah...where did my little angel go?

He'll be back . I'm going through the same thing with Muhammed, except he can cry forever. This too shall pass.

[wiksty]

Yes and yes

Originally Posted by shayinme

I agree with what you said 100%. I really don't think we can just say Americans Blacks are mainstream without looking at the historical legacy. To do so is an injustice IMO.

Like you said, and I agree that many iof us with southern roots have some AP in us but the ugly history of racism and oppression made us shun that when given half the chance. I do think this where we need the younger generations to reclaim that heritage.

I known when I was pregnant with dd, my Pops was worried about me using a midwife but he got a copy of his own birth certificate and realized he had been born at home. Which makes sense, my paternal Granny had 16 kids and in rural Ark between the late 30's-mid 60's there is no way she would have had most of those kids at a hospital but this history was not shared.

When you look at the fact that we (Black American women) often served as wet nurses and domestics you can only imagine why when given the chance we would shun breast-feeding and domesticity at any costs.

So again, its up to us to change things to show we can infact embrace these things as they are positives.

Shay

'Nuf said

[wiksty]

I'm back!

Hello ladies!

I'm back after having DD2, Terra (Bug) 3/30/09. She's doing well...on my shoulder now, so this will be a short one...

I don't know how to put text behind a cut...is there a way? I wanted to post my homebirth story here but it's sorta lengthy. If not I'll just link you to my online journal...

She's wonderful, and chubbier now Big sis is awesome too, and she turns 2 on July2nd. I cannot believe my girls are growing up so fast!

Just to give you an update...I've decided on a grad school. I got in to Emerson, but they wouldn't allow me to defer, so I choose Univeristy of Baltimore (going for an MFA in Creative Writing and Publishing) and I defered until Fall 2010.

Do any of you ladies live in Baltimore? I know NOTHING of the place...besides were it sits on the map...I need to do research. It would help if my brain wasn't dead from having two young children, and it didn't take all of my energy to keep the house clean, and all of my sanity to be an attached parent, and all of my will power to remain compassionate, lol.

Anywho, things are back to peachy with hubby. I'm glad we separated...horrible as that sounds, but we came back together so much stronger and understanding. I love him just like I used to now...but stronger...if you can feel me on that one.

Well, there's tons to do. How do I post pictures here? I'd like to show yo uall the fam!

~B

[Jannah6]

Originally Posted by rootzdawta

Could I have you ladies' input on this (my thread in personal growth)--either here or there. Thank you.

I am sooo late on this because I hardly get any emails updating me on new posts. I can only offer you BIG s because I am so much like you. I can NEVER say no. Which is one reason that I choose to stay away from certain people, but in your case you have no choice. I'm off to read what others wrote to you. In hopes that I may be able to apply some of it. again BIG BIG s

CONGRATULATIONS Wiksty

[Jannah6]

Originally Posted by purplegirl

Would you all indulge me? How long did you know your DP before marrying him? I had an interesting discussion with a friend about this and thus, I am curious to see what others experiences have been. Thanks!

First DP 1 yr. Current DP, from the last week of April 2000 and we married June 9th 2000. We've had a roller coaster ride, but we are still hanging on

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by wiksty

Hello ladies!

I'm back after having DD2, Terra (Bug) 3/30/09. She's doing well...on my shoulder now, so this will be a short one...

I don't know how to put text behind a cut...is there a way? I wanted to post my homebirth story here but it's sorta lengthy. If not I'll just link you to my online journal...

She's wonderful, and chubbier now Big sis is awesome too, and she turns 2 on July2nd. I cannot believe my girls are growing up so fast!

Just to give you an update...I've decided on a grad school. I got in to Emerson, but they wouldn't allow me to defer, so I choose Univeristy of Baltimore (going for an MFA in Creative Writing and Publishing) and I defered until Fall 2010.

Do any of you ladies live in Baltimore? I know NOTHING of the place...besides were it sits on the map...I need to do research. It would help if my brain wasn't dead from having two young children, and it didn't take all of my energy to keep the house clean, and all of my sanity to be an attached parent, and all of my will power to remain compassionate, lol.

Anywho, things are back to peachy with hubby. I'm glad we separated...horrible as that sounds, but we came back together so much stronger and understanding. I love him just like I used to now...but stronger...if you can feel me on that one.

Well, there's tons to do. How do I post pictures here? I'd like to show yo uall the fam!

~B

Welcome back. Congrats on the grad school stuff; that is exciting. I live about 45 mins from Baltimore and it is easily one of my favorite cities. It is diverse, still developing and I believe the cost of housing, still affordable. If I didn't have a practice here, that would be one city I would seriously consider relocating to. I know there is another sista on here who resides in Baltimore. Perhaps she will chime in with specifics.

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by Jannah6

First DP 1 yr. Current DP, from the last week of April 2000 and we married June 9th 2000. We've had a roller coaster ride, but we are still hanging on

My kinda girl

[Jannah6]

Originally Posted by purplegirl

My kinda girl

You mentioned practice. What do you do

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by Jannah6

You mentioned practice. What do you do

I am a child and adolescent therapist with a private practice!

[wiksty]

Yay!!!

Thanks Jannah!

Really Purplegirl?! You live that close?! Oh, we're going to have to get together! We probably wont move out there until this time next year, but I'll be visiting the university and house hunting between now and then! I'll let you know before I come out that way Psychology was my minor in undergrad; your practice must be a lot of "fun."

DH and I have been married three years this December 21st. I knew from the moment he walked through the door of a friend's house (before I even saw his face or knew his name) that I would marry him. He brought this energy that just, zapped me smitten, lol. I nudged a friend and said, "I'm going to marry that guy." She replied with, "Spy (which is his nickname)? Oh, he's very smart." As if to say...? Lol. But he is...very intelligent, and very wise. That was end of October 2004, we were wed 2006.: