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Women of Color #13 - Page 33

post #641 of 845

struggling

I am fighting against some personal demons which seem to growing as I get older. Despite my fair amount of personal and professional accomplisments, I find myself fighting strong waves of insecurity. I suppose this malady has been a part of my being for a long time but lately, it is haunting me like crazy.

I was chatting with a facebook friend who shared that she has 'imposter syndrome'. Much to her surprise, I could relate. She couldn't believe that a person who is, seemingly, so extraverted and self confident could harbor such feelings. I do though; I've learned to mask and compensate for the most part. At times, they eek out and get the best of me. I know a ton of people and really am a 'people person', but there are times I wished I could disappear in the woodwork.

Long ago, I spoke with a good friend who is a renown psychologist. He suggested I do somethings, some of which has helped. He suggested that I surround myself with folks who are doing the things, living the life that I long for. Some of you know I am lover of art and all things creative. So on facebook and other venues, I've 'friended' people who are masters in the creative arts. I've chatted with some and gotten excellent pointers on how to further my aspirations. I took an art class on the vineyard last summer and recently enrolled in one locally. It's been great but the feeling of accomplishment doesn't last long before the negative thoughts pervade my mind.

I have a private practice and I have developed it to be pretty succesful. Three years ago, I got a big contract with the local school district and it continues to grow. Nice, but not enough to keep me feeling like I've accomplished much. My dh encourages me to hire more therapists and expand. I know I can do it but find myself sabatoging forward movement.


I hate feeling this way and sometimes it's like fighting against the strongest tide.

Is this a plague that is common in women, black women??
post #642 of 845
I think it's fairly common among successful people, really. It stands to reason that it would be more common among successful black people, and still moreso among successful black women, simply because there are relatively few of them. It's always hard to believe that you're part of an elite group; The more elite the group, the harder it is to believe.

I think that a lot of it has to do with generally feeling unworthy. Well, why shouldn't you be worthy of success? You in particular, I mean. You're smart, strong, caring, gorgeous, hard-working... sure there's an element of luck involved, but let's face it: You've worked hard to be so successful and you totally deserve it. It's great to hear about you pursuing other interests, but have you thought about what it would take for you to consider yourself a success? I mean from the outside, you clearly are successful, but in the end it's your opinion that matters most.
post #643 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by eilonwy View Post
I think it's fairly common among successful people, really. It stands to reason that it would be more common among successful black people, and still moreso among successful black women, simply because there are relatively few of them. It's always hard to believe that you're part of an elite group; The more elite the group, the harder it is to believe.

I think that a lot of it has to do with generally feeling unworthy. Well, why shouldn't you be worthy of success? You in particular, I mean. You're smart, strong, caring, gorgeous, hard-working... sure there's an element of luck involved, but let's face it: You've worked hard to be so successful and you totally deserve it. It's great to hear about you pursuing other interests, but have you thought about what it would take for you to consider yourself a success? I mean from the outside, you clearly are successful, but in the end it's your opinion that matters most.

Thank you Rynna. I really am working on affirming my self worth and believing it. I happen to agree that there's added pressure on black women. Oft times I feel burdened to not fail because of what it would look like to others and the impact therein, y/k? I appreciate the support
post #644 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplegirl View Post
I am fighting against some personal demons which seem to growing as I get older. Despite my fair amount of personal and professional accomplisments, I find myself fighting strong waves of insecurity. I suppose this malady has been a part of my being for a long time but lately, it is haunting me like crazy.

I was chatting with a facebook friend who shared that she has 'imposter syndrome'. Much to her surprise, I could relate. She couldn't believe that a person who is, seemingly, so extraverted and self confident could harbor such feelings. I do though; I've learned to mask and compensate for the most part. At times, they eek out and get the best of me. I know a ton of people and really am a 'people person', but there are times I wished I could disappear in the woodwork.

Long ago, I spoke with a good friend who is a renown psychologist. He suggested I do somethings, some of which has helped. He suggested that I surround myself with folks who are doing the things, living the life that I long for. Some of you know I am lover of art and all things creative. So on facebook and other venues, I've 'friended' people who are masters in the creative arts. I've chatted with some and gotten excellent pointers on how to further my aspirations. I took an art class on the vineyard last summer and recently enrolled in one locally. It's been great but the feeling of accomplishment doesn't last long before the negative thoughts pervade my mind.

I have a private practice and I have developed it to be pretty succesful. Three years ago, I got a big contract with the local school district and it continues to grow. Nice, but not enough to keep me feeling like I've accomplished much. My dh encourages me to hire more therapists and expand. I know I can do it but find myself sabatoging forward movement.


I hate feeling this way and sometimes it's like fighting against the strongest tide.

Is this a plague that is common in women, black women??
Sadly I think its very common especially among Black women where we have so many societal issues to deal with. I feel the same way, for years I lorded my education and credentials over us and really it was about trying to say I was worthy. I am growing out of it but I still have many of the same demons you mentioned that at times really threaten to overtake me. Hugs to you. By the way I owe you a email , its been a crazy week here.
post #645 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by shayinme View Post
Sadly I think its very common especially among Black women where we have so many societal issues to deal with. I feel the same way, for years I lorded my education and credentials over us and really it was about trying to say I was worthy. I am growing out of it but I still have many of the same demons you mentioned that at times really threaten to overtake me. Hugs to you. By the way I owe you a email , its been a crazy week here.
Thanks Shay. I decided to 'come out' about my struggles because I sensed I wasn't alone. I'm fighting and some days are easier than others. I have surrounded myself with some really strong women who have overcome this plague which has helped tremendously.
NP on the email! Looking forward to catching up with ya when you can
post #646 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplegirl View Post
I am fighting against some personal demons which seem to growing as I get older. Despite my fair amount of personal and professional accomplisments, I find myself fighting strong waves of insecurity. I suppose this malady has been a part of my being for a long time but lately, it is haunting me like crazy.

I was chatting with a facebook friend who shared that she has 'imposter syndrome'. Much to her surprise, I could relate. She couldn't believe that a person who is, seemingly, so extraverted and self confident could harbor such feelings. I do though; I've learned to mask and compensate for the most part. At times, they eek out and get the best of me. I know a ton of people and really am a 'people person', but there are times I wished I could disappear in the woodwork.

Long ago, I spoke with a good friend who is a renown psychologist. He suggested I do somethings, some of which has helped. He suggested that I surround myself with folks who are doing the things, living the life that I long for. Some of you know I am lover of art and all things creative. So on facebook and other venues, I've 'friended' people who are masters in the creative arts. I've chatted with some and gotten excellent pointers on how to further my aspirations. I took an art class on the vineyard last summer and recently enrolled in one locally. It's been great but the feeling of accomplishment doesn't last long before the negative thoughts pervade my mind.

I have a private practice and I have developed it to be pretty succesful. Three years ago, I got a big contract with the local school district and it continues to grow. Nice, but not enough to keep me feeling like I've accomplished much. My dh encourages me to hire more therapists and expand. I know I can do it but find myself sabatoging forward movement.


I hate feeling this way and sometimes it's like fighting against the strongest tide.

Is this a plague that is common in women, black women??

Lisa, I share similar feelings of insecurity(inadequacy). My GPA is not perfect, but significantly above average, and I understand or master most concepts without the need to study, but I am hesitant to apply to better schools.

I pray your inner strength will overcome your fears and perceived shortcomings, and lead you to the place that you deserve.
post #647 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplegirl View Post
I am fighting against some personal demons which seem to growing as I get older. Despite my fair amount of personal and professional accomplisments, I find myself fighting strong waves of insecurity. I suppose this malady has been a part of my being for a long time but lately, it is haunting me like crazy.

I was chatting with a facebook friend who shared that she has 'imposter syndrome'. Much to her surprise, I could relate. She couldn't believe that a person who is, seemingly, so extraverted and self confident could harbor such feelings. I do though; I've learned to mask and compensate for the most part. At times, they eek out and get the best of me. I know a ton of people and really am a 'people person', but there are times I wished I could disappear in the woodwork.

Long ago, I spoke with a good friend who is a renown psychologist. He suggested I do somethings, some of which has helped. He suggested that I surround myself with folks who are doing the things, living the life that I long for. Some of you know I am lover of art and all things creative. So on facebook and other venues, I've 'friended' people who are masters in the creative arts. I've chatted with some and gotten excellent pointers on how to further my aspirations. I took an art class on the vineyard last summer and recently enrolled in one locally. It's been great but the feeling of accomplishment doesn't last long before the negative thoughts pervade my mind.

I have a private practice and I have developed it to be pretty successful. Three years ago, I got a big contract with the local school district and it continues to grow. Nice, but not enough to keep me feeling like I've accomplished much. My dh encourages me to hire more therapists and expand. I know I can do it but find myself sabotaging forward movement.


I hate feeling this way and sometimes it's like fighting against the strongest tide.

Is this a plague that is common in women, black women??
Hi Lisa. I totally feel where you are coming from! Lately I have been feeling like I am not living up to my potential and that I am a disappointment. I have a master's degree and I have traveled extensively around the world. I know many people see me as someone who has accomplished so much but I feel like a failure sometimes. Some people would look at me and think that I was very confident and even snobby. But underneath it all, I feel very insecure and I feel like I am not living the life I was meant to live. I am currently in the process of applying for another master's degree program and I already have plan B for if I don't get into this program. I mean sure, I have a roof over my head, I am not starving, I am relatively healthy and I have a regular job as an administrator at a prestigious university but I feel really unhappy. But then I chastise myself for being ungrateful. I can't win!
post #648 of 845
Thread Starter 
As I sat there reading, I was so moved. I can't tell you guys how many times I've sat there thinking how so not successful I am especially compared to you guys--traveling the world, successful practices, careers that help folks. The only thing I really and list on my resume is mom. I often feel like I've wasted my potential. My youth. I think if could just write and get something published . . . I'd feel like I've made it. I'd be able to shake off this feeling of mediocrity. I don't know what the answer is but it's telling that whatever our walk of life, we are all still feeling similar things.
post #649 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplegirl View Post
I was chatting with a facebook friend who shared that she has 'imposter syndrome'. Much to her surprise, I could relate. She couldn't believe that a person who is, seemingly, so extraverted and self confident could harbor such feelings. I do though; I've learned to mask and compensate for the most part. At times, they eek out and get the best of me. I know a ton of people and really am a 'people person', but there are times I wished I could disappear in the woodwork.

Is this a plague that is common in women, black women??

This is very very very very common in my industry (academia). It cuts across both racial and gender lines. I remember walking around campus at my first job thinking, "I can't *believe* I duped them into hiring me!" Secretly, my fellow colleagues confided in me that they felt the same way. I eventually did get over it, but it took time. I came to realize that I do have skills and talents and that I am qualified to do the job that I am doing. I think that talking to people who felt the same way, combined with actually seeing my students improve over time in my classes, helped me to get over the "imposter syndrome." Good luck!
post #650 of 845
Oh Lisa,many many many BIG HUGS to you. I absolutely know how you feel. I wish that I could offer some advice,but I myself suffer from the same issues,if not worse. You are an intelligent and beautiful woman who deserves much success in whatever you decide to do.
post #651 of 845
Felling very blue the past couple of days. I believe that I'm suffering from PMDD. Is there anyone else here that has this problem? I'm going to try the homeopathic route first. If that fails then I'm going to do meds because I can not function like this anymore.
post #652 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jannah6 View Post
Oh Lisa,many many many BIG HUGS to you. I absolutely know how you feel. I wish that I could offer some advice,but I myself suffer from the same issues,if not worse. You are an intelligent and beautiful woman who deserves much success in whatever you decide to do.
You're so sweet. In fact, you all are. I appreciate the sharing and in a weird way, knowing I'm not alone is reassuring. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but especially my beautiful, smart and inspiring sister-friends!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jannah6 View Post
Felling very blue the past couple of days. I believe that I'm suffering from PMDD. Is there anyone else here that has this problem? I'm going to try the homeopathic route first. If that fails then I'm going to do meds because I can not function like this anymore.
Have you tried increasing your fish oil intake? This time of the year, I get all funky and down. It always seems to hit me by surprise though I know by the end of Jan., I can expect to feel this way. I increase my exercise and again, up my fish oil. It helps to get me through the blues until the days are longer and the sun is shining more consistently.
post #653 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jannah6 View Post
Felling very blue the past couple of days. I believe that I'm suffering from PMDD. Is there anyone else here that has this problem? I'm going to try the homeopathic route first. If that fails then I'm going to do meds because I can not function like this anymore.
Make sure you're not anemic-- low iron can cause all sorts of problems, especially in the week leading up to and during your menses. I'd also probably try Evening Primrose Oil, which provides essential fatty acids and can be very helpful when it comes to issues of cycle regulation. I hope you're feeling better soon!
post #654 of 845
maybe also check your b12 levels. I second the other suggestions! and I guess get yourself to the dr. or midwife
post #655 of 845
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jannah6 View Post
Felling very blue the past couple of days. I believe that I'm suffering from PMDD. Is there anyone else here that has this problem? I'm going to try the homeopathic route first. If that fails then I'm going to do meds because I can not function like this anymore.
I hope you feel better soon.
post #656 of 845
Thank you all for the advice. Well, I found out why I'm having the blues
I like being tortured . So now I need advice on what I can take for pregnancy raging hormones.

ETA: Mums the word on FB,thanks.
post #657 of 845
Congrats, Jannah!
post #658 of 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jannah6 View Post
Thank you all for the advice. Well, I found out why I'm having the blues
I like being tortured . So now I need advice on what I can take for pregnancy raging hormones.

ETA: Mums the word on FB,thanks.
omgoodness! congratulations
post #659 of 845
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jannah6 View Post
Thank you all for the advice. Well, I found out why I'm having the blues
I like being tortured . So now I need advice on what I can take for pregnancy raging hormones.

ETA: Mums the word on FB,thanks.
Congrats!!!
post #660 of 845
While I thank you all for the ,who is going to say WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??? I am officially a nut case Don't get me wrong,I'm happy,but feeling batty. I had an appointment in Jan to get the IUD,but changed my mind about that form of birth control. I was going to set up an appt with my OB/GYN for the diaphragm,but obviously that's no longer needed.
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