Women of Color #13 - Page 42

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by ms.nedhari

Peace,

I am new to the forum. Are there any sisters in DC Metro Area on here?

Aza

Good morning and welcome I am in the DC Metro area every other weekend and more often in the summer!

[ErikaDP]

Hi Aza,

I am not in the DC metro area but I wanted to say:

!WELCOME TO THE TRIBE!

I hope to see many more posts from you!

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

[oyinmama]

Originally Posted by ms.nedhari

Peace,

I am new to the forum. Are there any sisters in DC Metro Area on here?

Aza

hi aza! i'm in baltimore. (so... no. LOL!) but wanted to say hi and welcome!

@andrewsmother - hoping your hubby's interview goes swimmingly!

the thread had indeed become very quiet, hope all is well with everybody!

we had a great time on our little beach excursion, the baby (just over 2 now, should probably stop callin him that) loved the ocean. i mean, loved, loved, LOVED the ocean. ran straight for it like he had a pressing appointment therein. after a while i got him trained to hang out in the wavebreak and didn't have to constantly hold his arm -- he would run up to the edge of the water, eagerly anticipate each wave with the hugest smile on his face, and then jump up and down in thrilled glee each time one broke over his knees. if one knocked him over he just rolled with it, got up, jumped up and down, laughed. sometimes he'd sit down on the sand and shriek with joy as the waves broke over his feet. each time we left the beach it was like the 'mah-kee-dah-dah' moment from the color purple, like we were tearing him from his dearest friend. we've got to make this a much more regular occurence in his little life -- if only b/c it's so amusing to me! i laughed for hours!!

we also found out that this little kicker i'm carryin is going to be boy #2! w.o.w./LOL/hooray, ease of handmedowns/THREEBOYSINTHEHOUSE???ACK!/wow, the capoiera in the livin room situation is likely to be wild. etc.

i'm not huge on assigning too much gender expectation to an infant or assuming the kind of child he'll be beforehand, but having this one has taught me a couple of surprising things about that whole nature/nurture question. i also am one of 4 (3 girls & a boy, born in sets of two) and grew up really close to the sister who was closest to me in age. i think there's something potentially very special about having a sibling of the same gender, an opportunity for a closeness and shared experience that can be nice. maybe i'm just having that 2nd trimester hopeful optimistic glow, hoping my boys can have something beautiful. i also know its possible for older brothers to be cruel or torturous, particularly if there's a large gap between; hopefully we've dodged that tendancy with our 2.5 yr spread and careful astrological planning (LOL!!); we will have to be super vigilant though. DH is a younger brother with a difficult relationship to his older brother that maintains today.

[Marisgirl]

Originally Posted by AndrewsMother

Hi there Marisgirl!!!!!

I am busy with work and a 4 year old who is out of school until August.

DS has a 4th interview with the same company in the morning. Please say a small prayer for us or keep him in your thoughts.

Hey friend!

The age of four is such an interesting age. Our son starts school on August 9 (so two weeks to go!) and our daughter is entering the stage of to in less than two months. And with the soon to be arrival of the twins she is making sure that mom doesn't forget her.

I will make sure to keep your husband in our family prayers. See ya around!

[eilonwy]

Oyin, I frequently think about gender, expectations, and nature vs. nurture. I firmly believe that children are born with their brains wired in particular ways, and that boys and girls are different from day one-- and not because of what's in their diapers. That said, you never know how any particular child is going to turn out. My youngest is a boy but he's not terribly "masculine" or "feminine" at this age (Bean was decidedly masculine at two; Bella decidedly feminine). And of course, left to their own devices they'll explore all kinds of things. Bella seems to have panic attacks when she doesn't have a clean dress or skirt to wear, but thinks of rolling around in mud as the most entertaining way to spend many afternoons. She also loves worms and bugs of all kinds, and frequently digs them up to play with them or to "take care" of them. Bear cries when he gets dirty, and washes his hands two or three times during his favorite meals because they get sticky. He wiped imaginary dirt from his clothing when Bella (already filthy, as usual ) picked up a couple of worms for closer inspection.

So yeah. You never really know.

[Marisgirl]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

Oyin, I frequently think about gender, expectations, and nature vs. nurture. I firmly believe that children are born with their brains wired in particular ways, and that boys and girls are different from day one-- and not because of what's in their diapers. That said, you never know how any particular child is going to turn out. My youngest is a boy but he's not terribly "masculine" or "feminine" at this age (Bean was decidedly masculine at two; Bella decidedly feminine). And of course, left to their own devices they'll explore all kinds of things. Bella seems to have panic attacks when she doesn't have a clean dress or skirt to wear, but thinks of rolling around in mud as the most entertaining way to spend many afternoons. She also loves worms and bugs of all kinds, and frequently digs them up to play with them or to "take care" of them. Bear cries when he gets dirty, and washes his hands two or three times during his favorite meals because they get sticky. He wiped imaginary dirt from his clothing when Bella (already filthy, as usual ) picked up a couple of worms for closer inspection.

So yeah. You never really know.

Your Bear sounds SO MUCH like my son did when he was a toddler. I really did get sick of people making a big issue out of it. My 21 month old daughter loves playing with cars and tussling with her 10 year old brother. She's really spunky - but also loves getting her hair combed and wearing what she calls "pretty" things.

I don't know how I got to be so relaxed about gender roles, but I think that it mostly came from having my own child and getting frustrated when people saw him jumping rope and immediately got their panties in a bunch. I mean, what do you do when all of your cousins are girls and jumprope seems to be what they all like to do?

[shayinme]

Just popping in to say hello! I have been easing up on my internet usage and discussion boards have been one of the first to go, though as a mod here I do pop in from time to time.

Welcome to new members of the tribe . I am just trying to savor every minute with my son who starts college next month!!! I am proud of him, happy we reached this stage but its also really sad for especially becaause since he was 6 he has lived between his father and I thanks to the joys of joint custody. So I am facing the fact that part of me feels cheated of time with him, I am also grappling with the fact that since he is not going to school out here that realistically not sure how often I will see him after this summer.

He has his first major girlfriend and well he is a young adult. I wish more parenting forums talked about this stage of parenting. Its clear I am still needed but its a different level.

The girl child turns 5 next week and starts school in Sept, so we are pretty excited. Other than that I am still running the community center, our summer program is going on and life is crazy at work.

I am finally about 95% healed from my surgery, so I have been getting active since weeks of no movement while recovering turned into a 10lb weight gain. I know that may not sound like a lot but as a lifetime member of Weight Watcher it suxs and its just enough weight that my clothes are in that strange not quite fitting stage.

Hope ya'll are doing well.

Shay

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by Marisgirl

I don't know how I got to be so relaxed about gender roles, but I think that it mostly came from having my own child and getting frustrated when people saw him jumping rope and immediately got their panties in a bunch. I mean, what do you do when all of your cousins are girls and jumprope seems to be what they all like to do?

Bean liked to wear pink when he was little. I don't just mean a pink shirt every now and then, either. For his fourth birthday he got to choose a new outfit; He chose pink corduroy slacks with pink sequined and embroidered butterflies and glitter and a glittery pink fleece pullover with a pink magic wand on it. He frequently chose pink sneakers, jackets, shorts... everything except underpants (he called it "non-stop pink"). He was Princess Fiona for Halloween the year he turned three and Dora the year he turned four. Despite the pink and sequins, he was ridiculously masculine; I used to describe him as "the most masculine child on the playground dressed all in pink". For me it was a matter of respecting my child's choices; I never felt the need to impose such silly and inconsequential rules on him. It was far more important to me that he learn not to run up and touch Mike's car while he was parking, and to clean up when his aim was off in the bathroom.

Originally Posted by shayinme

Welcome to new members of the tribe . I am just trying to savor every minute with my son who starts college next month!!! I am proud of him, happy we reached this stage but its also really sad for especially becaause since he was 6 he has lived between his father and I thanks to the joys of joint custody. So I am facing the fact that part of me feels cheated of time with him, I am also grappling with the fact that since he is not going to school out here that realistically not sure how often I will see him after this summer.

He has his first major girlfriend and well he is a young adult. I wish more parenting forums talked about this stage of parenting. Its clear I am still needed but its a different level.

s Congrats to your son, and to you. You must be feeling all sorts of things that are beyond my comprehension. All of my kids are still prone to crawl into my bed in the middle of the night for a snuggle (except the baby; He starts out there ). I wonder if there's a "Parenting Young Adults" forum here? I've never even looked, as the oldest child I routinely play grownup for is 13.

I am finally about 95% healed from my surgery, so I have been getting active since weeks of no movement while recovering turned into a 10lb weight gain. I know that may not sound like a lot but as a lifetime member of Weight Watcher it suxs and its just enough weight that my clothes are in that strange not quite fitting stage.

It always feels so great to get moving again after a period of convalescence. I'm glad you're feeling better.

[ErikaDP]

Shay,

I am on my way out the door but I will come back later to speak to your post.♥

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

Bean liked to wear pink when he was little. I don't just mean a pink shirt every now and then, either. For his fourth birthday he got to choose a new outfit; He chose pink corduroy slacks with pink sequined and embroidered butterflies and glitter and a glittery pink fleece pullover with a pink magic wand on it. He frequently chose pink sneakers, jackets, shorts... everything except underpants (he called it "non-stop pink"). He was Princess Fiona for Halloween the year he turned three and Dora the year he turned four. Despite the pink and sequins, he was ridiculously masculine; I used to describe him as "the most masculine child on the playground dressed all in pink". For me it was a matter of respecting my child's choices; I never felt the need to impose such silly and inconsequential rules on him. It was far more important to me that he learn not to run up and touch Mike's car while he was parking, and to clean up when his aim was off in the bathroom.



s Congrats to your son, and to you. You must be feeling all sorts of things that are beyond my comprehension. All of my kids are still prone to crawl into my bed in the middle of the night for a snuggle (except the baby; He starts out there ). I wonder if there's a "Parenting Young Adults" forum here? I've never even looked, as the oldest child I routinely play grownup for is 13.



It always feels so great to get moving again after a period of convalescence. I'm glad you're feeling better.

Sadly there is no parenting young adults forum, its funny because I am literally at opposite ends of the parenting spectrum with almost 5 and 18. Yeah, my son is definitely not much into snuggles though he still hugs me and talks so I take that as a good sign.

Erica, since you have grown kids I look forward to hearing from you.

Shay

[ErikaDP]

Hi Shay,

First things first, I am so happy to hear that you are almost healed from your surgery! And I am sure that those 10 lbs will be a thing of the past very soon!
Now, about your man-child, I was in almost the exact same situation that you are in with your kids 12 years ago(my oldest graduated from high school the spring before my youngest started kindergarten)except my oldest is a girl and the youngest is a boy.
And I know what you mean about being torn. I felt that I wasn't able to do either child justice because their needs were so extremely different and I was trying to be present for both in a way that proved impossible for this one Mama to handle!
So I called on a couple of my good Sisterfriends and asked them to help me navigate this new and exciting part of my mothering journey. I made sure that someone special to my child attended every event that they participated in and I always made sure that they had a special note or card from me if I wasn't able to make it there myself.
I also relied very heavily on my husband, making sure that I wasn't standing in the way of them having a relationship with him that was totally different than the one that they have with me(he often handled things very differently than I would have).
For example, one of my daughter's most favorite memories is going with her Dad to pick out the fabric for her prom dress and when they didn't find it locally, he drove her several hours away from home to find just the fabric that she was looking for(I, being practical and time-strapped at the time, would have probably asked her to pick out something from the choices that were available to her locally). And when I saw the final result, I was so pleased that my husband did drive out of his way for her!
I also was reminded by a good friend of mine who is the mother of 9 that our children only know us as their mother, not some idealized fantasy mom and that if you do most things from a place of love and joy, that's what they remember most. And she was/is so right!
Finally, speaking as the mother of soon to be 4 adults(my youngest turns 18 in September), I want to tell you that it gets easier as they age.
The first few years of adulthood reminded me a lot of when they were toddlers, they had a lot of new skills and opportunities but they still needed my guidance and help to navigate some of their new-found freedoms.
So try to keep the lines of communication open and make sure that you share with your son how proud you are of him and how he should know that he can come to you with any joy and/or problem that he has and that you will be there for him through both.
And try not to worry too much about the distances between you and your son. Even if he was living near by, you probably still wouldn't see much of him!
I will have to talk to you about girlfriends/boyfriends in the next post!♥
*..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*
Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

[shayinme]

Thank you so much. You captured exactly how I feel and what I am dealing with. Having kids so far apart in age its hard to be present for them at the same time. Especially when my son wants to open up (you know how older ones are it has to be on their time) and then the kidlet will need me and I am putting him on hold. I try to make time for him and I to hang out alone but this summer is crazy. Also he is heading back to his Dad's earlier than I had thought since he needs to pack all his stuff to take to school.

Sadly most of my Mama friends have small kids like my daughter or the ones with older kids have kids in their 20's already but none have my situation with a little one and a big one. Like all my Mama friends with littles one don't get how in some ways I am excited my dd is starting school but part of me is like I know this phase, whereas with my son this is now officially new terrain.

Yes, please post about girlfriends/boyfriends because while the boy has dated before this is cearly the first serious girl. I realized it was serious the other day when he spent almost his whole check to buy her a gift since he wasn't there with her to celebrate. My son is el cheapo and him spending money on a non family member spoke volumes.

[pivy2]

hello!

Any MN mama's here in the Twin Cities?

[ms.nedhari]

Peace,

I live about 30m from Bmore in Takoma park. I'm in Bmore or around that area a lot. I take the children on field-trips almost daily.

Maybe we can meet up...how old are your little ones? My boys are 4 and 18m

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by pivy2

Any MN mama's here in the Twin Cities?

Originally Posted by ms.nedhari

Peace,

I live about 30m from Bmore in Takoma park. I'm in Bmore or around that area a lot. I take the children on field-trips almost daily.

Maybe we can meet up...how old are your little ones? My boys are 4 and 18m

Welcome mamas!
I hope everyone is doing fantastic.

[oyinmama]

Originally Posted by ms.nedhari

Peace,

I live about 30m from Bmore in Takoma park. I'm in Bmore or around that area a lot. I take the children on field-trips almost daily.

Maybe we can meet up...how old are your little ones? My boys are 4 and 18m

oh awesome!! i have 1.5 boys myself one who's 2.5 and another due in december. we're in north bmore and work/have a saturday boutique nr penn station let's hook up sometime! ) have you taken your boys to BCPL's storyville yet ?

[shayinme]

Hello all! Its been a crazy month, my baby boy just left for school 2 days ago...I am emotional, cannot believe he is in college. People often think that because he has lived with his Dad that his going away to college won't impact me but it does. He has always been with either me or his Dad, now he is on own.

The girl child starts kindergarten in 3 weeks, so another milestone...lots of heavy Mama emotions.

This summer has flown by, in some ways due to the extreme heat it has not been the most enjoyable summer, temps are finally enjoyable.

Completely healed from surgery but now gotta lose 10lbs , it was easier putting it on then taking it off. But that's life.

Anyway hello everyone, I had not popped in lately and just wanted to say hello.

[EastBayMTB]

Introduction

Greetings-
I'm new to the Mothering forums and also to this group. I'm a 38-year-old Filipina-American woman born and raised in the Bay Area, Calif. Looking for other WOC to connect with re: pregnancy, parenthood, etc. Am pregnant with my first child (hopefully, if all goes well!), about 10 weeks along now.

Looking forward to connecting.Wishing you all happiness and health!

[shayinme]

Goodness it's been quieter than normal here. Well my son is officially a college student, so far he is in hog heaven. He called me today to say he loves college! Unlike high school where he felt he was not free to have an opinion and express it, his professors encourage diversity in views. As a kid who wants to go into either constitutional or public service law he is in his element.

My kidlet starts kindergarten next week and ladies I am having a dilemma. By and large while I have always liked the idea of homeschooling as someone who works outside the home in a crazy job, homeschooling always seemed like a fantasy and not a reality.

Our town has excellent schools, everyone raves about them, small class size, great teachers...all that good stuff you think of when you are sending your kid to school. So what's the problem? Well we are in a town of 16,000 that is not terribly diverse, more diversity than when we first moved here but not a great deal.

Kidlet got the teacher everyone raves about and she is clueless on matters of race. I know because at the 2nd screening/orientation I talked to her about how she handles diversity in the class knowing that my girl is only 1 of 2 kids of color in the class and she told me "Oh kids don't see race". I was stunned.

I was raised in Chicago but went to magnet schools where for the early years I was the only kid of color in my classes and honestly it took years to deal with the fallout from it. Yeah, I got good grades and was getting a great education but socially I was a mess. I fear this happening to my girl. Moving is not an option for several year but after this past year in preschool when she went from a program with other kids of color to being the only kid of color, I saw subtle changes. Emphasis on why is my hair not straight, etc.

So I am seriously thinking of homeschooling but feeling clueless about the process. Irony is that I have taught kids and adults in a past career but teaching my own kid is a different beast. My hubby asked that we start her in school and monitor the situation and we have agreed that if after the first quarter it feels like its harming her we will pull her out.

I am scared, I guess it also doesn't help that while I know some homeschoolers they are not friends just acquaintances. None of my friends are supportive but I know my kid and I know what its like to be the only Black/non white kid in the class.

My son who went to school out here actually thinks she should go to school, he admits it was hard but that its character building. Yet I think that girls already have to deal with so much compared to boys and add race and its overload.

I need to hear from some sisters who have or are homeschooling. One thing that bothers me is much if what I am finding about homeschooling seems geared to white families. Where are the non white homeschoolers?

[purplegirl]

Originally Posted by shayinme

Goodness it's been quieter than normal here. Well my son is officially a college student, so far he is in hog heaven. He called me today to say he loves college! Unlike high school where he felt he was not free to have an opinion and express it, his professors encourage diversity in views. As a kid who wants to go into either constitutional or public service law he is in his element.

My kidlet starts kindergarten next week and ladies I am having a dilemma. By and large while I have always liked the idea of homeschooling as someone who works outside the home in a crazy job, homeschooling always seemed like a fantasy and not a reality.

Our town has excellent schools, everyone raves about them, small class size, great teachers...all that good stuff you think of when you are sending your kid to school. So what's the problem? Well we are in a town of 16,000 that is not terribly diverse, more diversity than when we first moved here but not a great deal.

Kidlet got the teacher everyone raves about and she is clueless on matters of race. I know because at the 2nd screening/orientation I talked to her about how she handles diversity in the class knowing that my girl is only 1 of 2 kids of color in the class and she told me "Oh kids don't see race". I was stunned.

I was raised in Chicago but went to magnet schools where for the early years I was the only kid of color in my classes and honestly it took years to deal with the fallout from it. Yeah, I got good grades and was getting a great education but socially I was a mess. I fear this happening to my girl. Moving is not an option for several year but after this past year in preschool when she went from a program with other kids of color to being the only kid of color, I saw subtle changes. Emphasis on why is my hair not straight, etc.

So I am seriously thinking of homeschooling but feeling clueless about the process. Irony is that I have taught kids and adults in a past career but teaching my own kid is a different beast. My hubby asked that we start her in school and monitor the situation and we have agreed that if after the first quarter it feels like its harming her we will pull her out.

I am scared, I guess it also doesn't help that while I know some homeschoolers they are not friends just acquaintances. None of my friends are supportive but I know my kid and I know what its like to be the only Black/non white kid in the class.

My son who went to school out here actually thinks she should go to school, he admits it was hard but that its character building. Yet I think that girls already have to deal with so much compared to boys and add race and its overload.

I need to hear from some sisters who have or are homeschooling. One thing that bothers me is much if what I am finding about homeschooling seems geared to white families. Where are the non white homeschoolers?

Welcome EastbayMTB!

I'm doing fine here in good ole Delaware. School has started which means my schedule is crazy mad busy but it also means, I am making money I've picked up more business and have hired someone else to work in my practice All good stuff!

Shay, congrats on all fronts! There's a facebook group called black homeschoolers (look for them on my friends list). Of course, I am childless and have not had to consider these issues, so I'm not actively participating in the group discussions. It might be resource for you. However, let me caution, they seem to be ultra conservation. Nonetheless, you might find others who are struggling with similar issues as you.
Good luck.