torn. City vs country

[mommariffic]

So, I need advice/help.


We currently live on tons of land in Rockaway New Jersey, where I home school our toddler, garden, have some great dogs, and generally enjoy my time.

My husband has an office in Manhattan, and he commutes quite a bit, but often works from home. Ideally he would go into the office far more, but the commute means we would never see him, so he's here.

We love our house, we currently rent it and it's huge BUT slightly overwhelming.

So, my husband has been itching to PERHAPS move to the city. We were thinking Brooklyn for a year or two. His commute would be next to nothing, I [the non-driver] would be able to walk everywhere with Paige, and we have found places with outside spaces for gardens/the pets.

I'm torn. I love our land, but the chance to live in New York is also pretty awesome - it would be nice to get rid of our car and just walk everywhere, and there's plenty to do as far as homeschooling opportunities. I may even have more friends!

So, what would you do? Would you give up land for city life?


I'm just feeling torn, and want thoughts on the subject

[sunnysandiegan]

*I* would do it in a heartbeat!!! However, I love cities and especially NYC!!!!

[Denvergirlie]

It's so personal.... As cool as NYC is, I would never, ever live in it.
I like to visit NYC, but live in the same place with all those people stacked on top of me, around me, no way to escape, nope, would never happen.

But that's me, I dislike highly urban areas and really relish my peace and quiet that comes with living on a patch of land.

Sounds like you rent were you live, so no loss, try it out and if you hate living in the city, you can always move back out further. yes, you would lose that house and would need to find a different rental, but it's not the end of the world.

[vm9799]

Originally Posted by sunnysandiegan

*I* would do it in a heartbeat!!! However, I love cities and especially NYC!!!!

ditto a thousands times over!

in fact, once my youngest graduates from high school my dh and i plan to sell the house and the cars, and ditch the midwest for a move to the big apple for 'phase 2' of our lives! of course, we have roughly 8 years until this happens, and a lot can happen in that amount of time.....but it's still in the plans!

[philomom]

Been to the NYC many times and you can keep it. I like medium size cities with several colleges. You get the museums and the cool stuff without the constant loudness and drama that places like NYC seem to pulse with.

[AuntNi]

Of course it's personal preference. And I understand your DH's perspective. I HATE long commutes.

But I personally would never never ever raise a child in NYC. DH and I lived at 98th & Broadway, but we moved to Missouri specifically because we wanted to start a family. He was raised in Brooklyn, btw.

My co-worker who was raised in Brooklyn tells horror stories about drug dealers beating her up for her lunch money when she was in grade school. It was such a stark contrast from my farm upbringing that it really stuck out in my mind.

But it's such a personal decision. Have you thought about suburbs between Rockaway and NYC? Something with easy PATH train access to help your DH with his commute?

[Delicateflower]

I'd live almost anywhere for a couple of years. It will be really interesting, even if you move back to the country after a year.

[CarrieMF]

I live in a small city(30,000) & hate it. We can't wait to get back into the country.

[1growingsprout]

As a single person or married couple id go for it... as a family... NOPE... that just not a lifesytle Id want for my family....

You said DH commutes, does he drive from NJ or does he take the train over?

[NicaG]

I don't know. I love Brooklyn and lived there for years. When I was single.

Personally, I wouldn't want to live in the city with young kids unless I had a lot of money. Money to buy a huge apartment (ie, a 2-bedroom apartment, ha ha). Money to send my kids to private school. Money to go on vacation frequently to get out of the city. Money to order grocery delivery so I wouldn't have to schlep everything myself. Etc. etc.

I don't have that kind of money, so we live in the Jersey suburbs. Also, the city just gets on my nerves sometimes. It's fun, and you can talk yourself into how great it is (and it is great!) but sometimes when you're waiting for the screwed-up weekend subway for an hour, or when you're jockeying for space at an overcrowded playground, or when you're tearing out your hair because your apartment is too small, or when you're sick of walking on the stinky crowded summer sidewalks....you say to yourself, why am I living this way?

How long is the Rockaway commute? Have you looked at any of the closer suburbs? We live in Montclair, and I love it here. It's about 45 minutes into Penn Station. We drive into the city almost every weekend (it's about 1/2 hour drive when traffic is light).

You should try cross posting this on the New York board, see what everyone there thinks.

[Sailor]

I used to live in NYC. I'd go back in a heartbeat.

[Stone Fence]

Wondering

Can you move somewhere where you have a small city feel (walking friendly) and closer to NYC for DH's commute?

I am so not a city girl, although I sometimes have fantasies about living somewhere with decent public transportation and walkability.

[Carson]

Well, we made the choice you were contemplating and have been really happy. We moved from a small town 1.5 hrs outside the city (2 hrs from my work 1 hr from DHs) back to Chicago. We wanted to be closer to work, but I also love the opportunities city living provides.

However when we moved, our criteria were a SFH with a yard and garage, safe/quiet neighborhood, good public trans. and we had to be able to afford it. I don't think I would be as content here if those criteria weren't met.

The thing I like about the city is the accessibility to anything your heart desires. Even though we don't always take advantage of a lot of the things, I'm so happy there are meetup groups for like-minded individuals, activities that DH and I enjoy, great restaurants, etc... I feel I can be more 'me' than I could out in the country.

[BaBaBa]

I am in living in almost an identical situation except that we have a place in the city so DH doesn't commute when he works ... he lives there!! (It's a 2 hour drive!) He works from home if he can but he also can have days, weeks off at a time.

I could not move back to the city after having been in the country for a few years. Visit? Frequently. But live there full time, never again!

I love the seasons, the animals, the space, the privacy and it's what I want my daughter to experience during these special childhood years.

The drawback is that it is HAAAAAARD to be separated sometimes (sometimes good) and parenting alone is a real strain.

[mouso]

It really depends how drawn to the city you are.
I was born and raised in NYC (Brooklyn) and now live in OR. I have also lived in VT in the woods. I would rather live in the country but I also grew to find city life much more annoying than exhilarating.

If you have the money to afford a place with a yard in a decent neighborhood then that will make a big difference in how you live. If not, it's even more of a drastic change. Getting dressed to walk the dog all the time, schlepping to the store and home again, no access to "nature" except for a park or spending hours sitting in traffic just to get out of the city.

Frankly, I got tired of all the people in NYC, it's become a different place than it used to be. Much more expensive and a whole lot less of a city where you could go as an artist or weirdo and fit in and find a niche.
Everything's the same now- every neighborhood is gentrified- and everyone is always yapping loudly on their cellphone. I just got tired of feeling surrounded by people. Can you tell I'm disillusioned?

Anyway, just my opinion, of course. Since you're renting now it wouldn't hurt to try it for a year or two and if you don't like it move back to the woods.
It can be a cool place to grow up- I loved growing up in NYC, truly, it was great- just wouldn't want to live there now.

[mommariffic]

Thanks for your replies

I've been looking for places outside of New York, like Hoboken. So expensive! And I agree that walking around and having acess to "stuff" is great, but what if I want to walk outside in my underpants with coffee to look at the woods?

Still feeling torn, but leaning towards the country.

[starling&diesel]

We've been in the same boat as you for a while now and are making the move back to the city. We've been living in a mountain town of about 2,000 people and have loved it. But we've been lonely here. And there are no resources, not even a swimming pool. We're moving at the end of the month. Mind you, we bought a house in the city (a half million dollar dump just so we can live on a quiet street and have space for the dogs) so we won't be living right downtown.
I love Brooklyn. I'd do it. You can always change your mind.

The biggest reason we're moving? (Besides DP's job...) I'm lonely. Our friends and some family are there.

There are sooooooooo many things I will miss about this town. The biggest thing I'm grieving is not being able to raise our daughter here. That sucks. But I'm going to work on building a good, strong, safe community for her in the city.

[philomom]

Can he move his job?

I hate for you to be so lonely... but I think raising kids in the NYC is only for the ultra-rich.

[bauchtanz]

I am a country gal - I would love to selll this place and move to the country, but I have a very demanding 50+ hour a week job, plus 2 kids. I have a small garden and that, but it isn't the same as having your own beef cow, you know.
I think we will retire in the country.
THat said, I think there is lots more work in the country, we are in the midwest, so winters alone mean lots of snow and a hard time getting out. It can be a difficult life (I remember so many times as a kid not having electricity for weeks becuase of a storm).

I do love the city as well, but, just for visits. The country is where I feel I belong. I would think your situation is ideal because you can have both with it so close.

What kind of enviroment do you want your kids to have. I think that is the question. They are not the same.

[bauchtanz]

I should add - I like being alone except for family and people I invite into my life.
I have a friend who said on thier gravestone they want it to read "leave me alone" and I totally agree!